If it helps to know, there are MILLIONS going through this too. You’ve done a lot, you’ve earned a rest.

you are not alone!

And I always like to remember this old saying...it's always darkest before dawn.

Hang in there!

on edit...after posting, I read the comments. Great minds think alike!

I've been using my TV only for Netflix and the like, and even though I do my share of online doomscrolling, not seeing the constant shitstorm on TV has reduced my stress quite a bit. To get away from election news and related craziness I walk four miles a day, paint, read novels, and listen to classical music. Don't be embarrassed that you're stressed out; we all are. Just do what you can to get away from it for at least part of your day.

I agree

Could not agree more. Hang in there 🇺🇸!

I gave up Rachel two weeks ago.

despise NPR, but I've been a supporter since 1973 and am able to discern the changes brought about by different administrations. It is not something that is supported by many republicans that I know.

They do a good job of fairly reporting a wide variety of topics and have a lot of nice book reviews, music programs, like Tiny Desk Concerts. You can also link to podcasts and other programs of interest.

Please don't beat yourself up. I still have moments of anxiety and sadness. It help to get outside and look around, walk, pet your critters. Fostering kittens has helped me quite a bit!

Good anxiety pills like xanax are addictive, so you probably don't want to start on them. There are some herbal anti-anxiety remedies.

Hang in. The beast will soon be gone. And a vaccine is on the way in 2021. Just hang in there.

I was in the hospital with high BP and chest pains and the MA doing the work-up said they don't even bother to list stress, anxiety and depression in their reports.

You are far from being alone.

In case you haven't seen it, this might help:

https://www.democraticunderground.com/100214376704

You aren't the only one. Feels like this next week could be the longest of my life.

I am so hoping that next week at this time we are all sharing congratulations and virtual high 5s.

but somehow I got maneuvered out, so I have resurrected.
The poster formerly known as rurallib

and we all have moments when we feel overwhelmed. I’ve decided to allow myself all the ice cream I want whenever I want until the election. It was a whole big container of key lime frozen yogurt the other day and before that a smaller container of some Christmas kind, marshmallow ice cream with chocolate and crushed peppermint stick candy. I think I’ll get that one again. It might not be the best coping mechanism but it makes me happy.

No websites or news before bedtime. Instead, think about the things that make you happy. Close your eyes and see the places where you've been that have brought you joy.

I am at the beach myself this week. I had an experience several weeks ago just like your episode. I thought I was having a heart attack, too. It was anxiety and perhaps some heartburn.

Take care of yourself. Listen to music. Look at photos of happy times. Read a book.

Good luck!

All my senior friends that are democrats are going through the same thing. We're going to get on the other side of this. It's almost over....

I'm younger than you and broke much earlier so you shouldn't feel bad. The only things that are getting me through at all are bike rides, walks, gardening and meditating I use the Calm app.

Don't blame yourself. Do learn to take care of yourself!

is very soothing and creates balance:

You're also not weak. People are social animals; isolating like this will tax anyone's mental health.

Second, if you are looking for any advice, I agree with what other posters have said about giving yourself breaks from watching the polls and the news. You might want to try this, even though it sounds corny:

1. Every day, write down five things you are grateful for.
2. Every day, take a moment to consciously savor something. It might be food, it might be a scent. Often for me this fall it was the sound of crickets in the evening.

These suggestions come from a free online class, the Science of Wellbeing, offered by a Yale professor at Coursera. I found them helpful.

Reading good books, having Zoom and other types of visual calls with family members and friends, reading forums like DU and watching lots of Netflix films and series have saved me from going totally bonkers.

I've done as much as I can to help Dems and am still contributing to some close races. I voted weeks ago by absentee ballot and have received confirmation of receipt.

But some days I have been so angry and frustrated that my chest actually hurts. And I cry. I still bear a LOT of real hatred towards those who could vote but did NOT vote for Hillary Clinton in 2016. I doubt that I will ever get over that. Especially after the confirmation of Amy Covid Barrett (a formulation I borrowed from a DUer) has happened.

If not for the above-mentioned activities, I would have drunk myself to death long ago.

&list=PL_L2Qn0Mkx-G4tzyhmTMVc3s4rQadP6f3&index=2

Language warnings apply...

The human mind and body can only take so much.

These are things that are nominally under our control. We can do things to mitigate our stress but we cannot completely control it. The shame you feel is society telling you that it is not okay to be vulnerable, when each and EVERY one of us has that vulnerability.

If at all possible, disconnect. Stop watching the polls and going on news sites, even DU if you have to. You cannot control the outcome of the election even though you have volunteered and voted and done wonderful work to support democracy. Take care of yourself. Try some meditation or relaxation techniques. Get some sleep. Eat well. Do some exercise. If you have a hobby (not politics) engage in that and allow your mind and body to be occupied with something else.

Again, NEVER be ashamed of breaking down. It is normal under these circumstances. You have to counter act the dominant narrative that having an episode of understandable anxiety, is somehow "weakness". You have gone through more than 8 months of continual stress, not to mention the preceding 3 years of scandal after scandal. It isn't weakness, it is being normal.

Be kind to yourself.

It's saved my sanity for the last forty years.

Many sleepless nights, constant state of stress and apprehension. It's been nothing short of exhausting. Add that to having to deal with a pandemic, loss of income, cabin fever and relatives that drank the kool-aid. Add to that the fear of another stolen election. Anyone who's not sick, stressed, and outraged isn't paying attention or worse, doesn't care. This site has been a literal life saver for many.

We are all in this together.

Someone posted this on DU. It helps.

or feel weak or owe anyone anything. I get thru them best I can and have learned tools and better understand. Out of the blue I am hit with fear. There is reason. Homeless, old, can't find a job, no money and no safety net. It can be a scaring thought and fear grabs hold.

Then I get back to, my now is totally fine. Lovely even. All is ok.

And breathe...

Anyway, take care of you. You are the only one that can do that best.

You need a break, that's all!

I'm so sick of sheltering it's unreal.

It's been a very very tough year all around. We need to lighten up on ourselves and others as we morn for the loss of our regular pursuits.

Walking in the fall colors, reading a good mystery book, watching a feel good movie, ordering curbside from your fav restaurant, having happy hour at 2pm some days 😝, these are some things you can do to feel good.

Join a online Bookclub (not politics) a fun one.

Take extra long baths with candles.

I have one friend who is careful like me I see and we have been having a glass of wine outside at wineries around here.

I hope you feel better. Turn off the news if you can. I am hoping for Joe's term to be quiet and boring. My body needs it after 4 yrs of constant anxiety.

I have had tight neck/shoulders which = a tension headache for me.

If I drink more herbal tea my teeth will be walnut brown.
You, we, are doing the best we can in a time of crisis fir our beloved country.

I found this twitter account a few days back, maybe some.of these can help you...

Link to tweet

?s=20

is experiencing stress right now- you’re truly in good company. So many people are having a hard time sleeping or concentrating. Just too much stress and a pandemic on top.

We will all have democracy-related PTSD for the rest of our lives.

I recommend disengaging from media until the polls start closing on Tuesday. Just go cold turkey on any inputs. You’ve done so much! You’ve earned the break from politics/news/the orange menace for the next few days.

I wish you well.

I watch a lot of puppy, pet and kids videos...they always make me feel better...

Yoga breathing or deep breathing is helpful, as well as any type of exercise. Taking a break from the news and doing something you enjoy and find relaxing will make a difference. The social isolation has been very hard. You’re not alone. After Biden wins, we will all breathe a huge sigh of relief. Hang in there!

...because there's a whole crowd of us feeling like you (or even worse)
... folks who've commented already are right --- limit yourself to exposure to the news and craziness to a set time (I actually set a timer and shut down the computer or fold the newspaper...
... try making bread- pounding dough is helpful... and it ends up making the house smell great....
... I'm a stress eater - luckily @ the dr visit last month; I haven't gained any weight, but as my doc said, " they call it 19 because everyone is gaining at least 19 lbs thru this ..." (I THINK he was joking)(maybe)
...I've found it helpful to write a letter to 45 with what I'd say to him given a chance... it's not as kind as writing 5 things you're grateful for each day; but I'm not as nice a person as the DUer who suggested that...
... I've been watching stuff like old Midsomer Murders or the original All Creatures Great and Small (in prep for the PBS release of a new version) PBS is a god sent both archived or new
... we are in this together --- and without DU I would have lost it years ago... just reach out and we'll all be there for you....

... and feel like a few of you are long time friends..
I just got the nerve up to start posting: most likely because of the isolation,..

same thing as you: tense, anxious, and I have not been keeping up with anything hardly to relieve these symptoms. Matter of fact probably contributing more wood to the fire with late night binges, too much coffee in the morning, relaxing on the diet thing and in addition the only exercise was and is raking leaves. Just yesterday I thought I was having a heart attack or stroke because of heart palpitations and dizziness. It went away.

I am usually in top shape, but I freaked out at the Y months ago, I only went once and gave up until this is over. (yes, it is open). all those bodies breathing heavily in close proximity cut my visit very short. I have writers and readers cramps, my sleeping positions are bad because I toss and turn until I finally fall asleep. There is much going on. Not to mention the usual routine I am trying to maintain with a project. Trying to.

So, I understand your anxiety and feeling of inability. I am also there.

If anything, this sheltering in so much is bad on the bodies period. And on cars. My car has sat long periods for so long I have a multitude of problems related to that as well.

Hope things get better for you. for us. for the world. Sorry I do not have advice. Just understanding.
I am going to try to do yoga and meditation. Try.

I think getting stoned is a brilliant idea. Wish I'd thought of it.

However, if that doesn't work, consider alcohol.

And if that doesn't work, consider chamomile tea. Always soothing, calming.

I have never in my life advocated drugs or alcohol. But these are unique times.

Oh, and sex. Lots and lots of sex. Viagra/Cialis as necessary. And when I say lots of sex, I mean vigorous sex. The kind that consumes you so that you can't focus on anything else, and then all you want to do is SLEEP LIKE THE DEAD.

So there you have it. Drugs, sex, alcohol. As I said. Never in my life have I thought of suggesting these things. But these are unique times.

My anxiety had reached the point that I felt like I was hooked up to an adrenaline drip. My heart just pounded in my chest, my chest felt tight, I couldn't focus...and I was sunk into such a swirling black hole of depression that I spent weeks just laying in bed watching TV the entire day. The anxiety induced heart pounding went on every day for a couple of weeks.

I FINALLY convinced my new Dr to put me back on an anti-depressant. He doesn't like them and talked me into going off Prozac after 15 years, about a year ago. I was managing OK, and then March happened. We went lockdown and I just spiraled. Finally convinced the Dr to put me back on meds, and he prescribed Cymbalta. It took care of the depression pretty quickly, but the anxiety took a couple more weeks to subside.

These are terrible times, and everything is uncertain - not the least of which being the fate of our nation. Give yourself a break. NO ONE is immune to the anxiety. The fact that you have anxiety over what's going on shows you have heart, and care about the world, your community, your family. You haven't let anyone down. It's because you ARE a strong person, and you feel helplessly unable to do a goddamn thing about what's going on around you, that you feel stress. Your reaction is "fight or flight", and stress is caused by being unable to do either one.

Turn off the news for most of the day. It's all just repeating the same horrible news hour after hour after hour. Pick one hour to watch, get caught up and then distract yourself by bingeing something fun, or doing something else, going for a walk, matching up all your tupperware lids and bottoms...lol. Anything.

We're all losing our shit, and it manifests in different ways. Some people take to arming themselves and playing militia, some people have overwrought "Karen" meltdowns in public, some of us make signs and march, most of us suffer quietly at home desperately trying to keep our shit together through sheer force of will, and it works - until it doesn't. Don't be ashamed that you had an anxiety attack. Kudos for making it 200 days without one!

I have a pit in my stomach from all the election anxiety. I always have to remember to take it easy and focus somewhere else.


Take a break from the news or limit how much news that you watch. For instance, only watch in the morning or early afternoon. Do not consume any news in the evening or before bedtime.



Try out that recipe that you've never actually tried. Enjoy some oil painting or paint by numbers. If your public library has that movie that you've been wanting to watch or has that book that you've been wanting to read. My library has curbside pickup and drop off so that a person can still have materials available to them.



Bundle up and take a walk, don't forget your mask. Watch the cloud shapes and the beautiful fall leaves that are falling off the trees.


Thank you so much for working the phone banks and contributing to the party. Hang in there!


Edit: I didn't realize that you're also a new DUer. Welcome to DU, macwriter!

I feel anxious a lot of the time worrying if I'm doing all I can to protect myself. I've always enjoyed good health and have a good immune system, but I'm over 70 so in higher risk category.

A lot of us are in the same boat. You know you can always come here and "talk things out". It's not as good as in person, but you won't be alone.

Know that it will all be over soon. After next week when Biden is president elect I think we will all breathe.

Here is a website about panic attack symptoms.

https://www.3cfamilyservices.com/2016/10/19/what-does-a-panic-attack-look-like/

Do you have legal weed in your state?

The key is using a fork instead of an electric mixer to mix and blend.

It takes longer but you use that to focus the mind in the moment instead of what will be... except, the cookies of course. I find using a basic sugar cookie recipe and modifying it to use swerve erythritol sugar substitute and lemon juice is a great way to introduce the flavor of erythritol to the palate. It has a cooling aftertaste that works well with citrus flavors. Lemon lime sugar cookies with cream cheese frosting are awesome.

But obviously any cookie is good. Just make sure to use only a fork to mix everything.

Creaming butter and cream cheese together is a good way to meditate. You can spend hours waiting for the butter and cream cheese to get to room temperature, or start early and drag you fork across the butter in a mindless trance. Scraping grooves into the butter and slowly working the butter can be relaxing.

If you like citrus flavors these lemon cream cheese cookies are good:
https://www.thespruceeats.com/lemon-cream-cheese-cookies-3052224

Otherwise, any cookie recipe that uses butter would work.

I usually modify any recipes I find with coconut flour and/or almond flour and substitute swerve sugar for regular sugar.

The search for flour substitutes can fill up hours of time with a comforting search that does not involve politics, strife, or political madness. And it ends with low carb tasty snacks.

and many of us share anxiety and stress created and then intensified by trump and his band of crooks, scam artists and racist followers.

I saw earlier posts about minimizing listening to cable news, and I agree! That has helped my husband immensely to get through this.

I have self medicated with plenty of Trader Joe’s soy ice cream 🙂💕💕💕💕💕

We ALL have our good days and bad days!! BUT remember one thing, WE are RIGHT!!! I wouldn't have it any other way!! Welcome to DU by the way!

Try mindfulness, yoga, cut down the sugar and caffeine, prioritise sleep.

Limit yourself to one hour of news a day. That's all you need. Spend the rest of the time doing things you enjoy with people you love. It's never as bad as you fear it will be or as good as you hope.

Do what you can do if you can channel the anxious energy into positive action, great. Don't ruminate on things you can't do anything about.

i have a whirlpool, but i wash my hair, and enjoy the bubbles.
you arent rly supposed to but...

there are lots of great apps like stitcher and Spotify with meditation sounds that relax the body and mind

I sure would, but I don’t live in a recreational state. Maybe one day...

I already voted, and there is nothing we can do at this time, besides talking to those who have not voted and are still deciding, but my advise is:
1. Stop watching the polls
2. Stop watching the news
3. Get busy with whatever hobby you have, and if you don't have one, find one.
4. Watch comedies and love movies, they make you feel very good. If you have Netflix I recommend "Stranger than Fiction", I believe it is Will Ferrell's best performance by a mile.
5. Listen to good music.
6. Don't talk about politics until the results are out.
7. EXTREMELY IMPORTANT...Don't pay attention to what the buffoon does, you know he is as stupid as it gets and not worth your attention, plus, you can celebrate in 2021 when he is photographed in an orange suit.

In summary, take your mind off politics, we are too close to the election to be able to do a whole lot to change people and things.

Oh...and last but not least...MEDITATE with soft music while bouncing beautiful thoughts in your mind.

I know it is easier said (written in this case) than done, but it works, it has worked for me. I also woke up a couple of weeks with horrible anxiety, it had never happened to me before, but I am not going to let this buffoon affect me, so lets do this, we have already done our part to get him out, and we will.

I threw up in the middle of the night a few weeks ago, from stress.

We're all feeling it.

Everyone has said basically what I would say. We are all going through this. My husband's neck gets so sore from tension that sometimes he can't even move around. My shoulders feel like they spend all their time around my ears now.

I don't get stoned but I do enjoy vodka and it actually does help (in proper moderation of course). I also took up counted cross stitch when this whole thing started back in spring. I get totally engrossed in it, I'm so busy counting and stitching and double-checking my placement, that it is 3 hours later when I look at the clock. I'm too busy doing it to think about this mess. It's a great escape and a wonderful distraction. I often add relaxing music to the process.

This will end. We are close to your age and I'm very pissed off that my "golden" years are being spent like this. But I think we might come out the other side of it, so keep a good thought. Have you thought about meditation?

I'll chip in by adding I have had my anxious moments too. You are far from alone.
I won't mention what they were so I don't trigger anyone else to go off.

Told my sister this is like killing a vampire or exterminating cockroaches. It's never over until it is over and you've got to do several things until you nail it. We still have some work to do.

Overall, I am encouraged. In a normal election year, I might even be feeling confident. But this year, I'm not sure I'll fully relax until Joe is inaugurated.

All the best!

And just hide under my covers. 😢 You are not alone!

😎 This child of the 60s says, “Smooth out!”

the combination of the virus, the election and whatever is going on in your life are enough to put the system on overload at least once in awhile.

because I can't. I just can't. I am too furious at the people - let's call it the culture - that taught you that even so much as a tiny moment of weakness was shameful. My dear mother was much the same. It was terribly hard on her, and far more so after breaking her hip a couple of times. And hard on me to watch because it was so unjust.

Everyone makes mistakes. Admitting them is good. Apologizing for any negative consequences is better, and making appropriate amends is better still. Going through life in a state of guilt/shame is terrible.

Please, please, use every tip provided which helps you, and don't forget about humor. Laughing does help. It's always hard to break habits of a lifetime, and thought habits are the worst. But I hope and pray you can ease up on yourself. God bless you.

Silver Sneakers has some free online videos for easy yoga (hatha). Part of the practice is to breathe deeply to relax and concentrate on not thinking at all (I’m still not great at that!). And don’t worry if you can’t do all the poses. It took me years to become flexible enough to do them. The effort to concentrate on doing something new takes your mind off the anxiety of the moment, and it’s good for you!

Even though Biden is ahead in the polls I still have anxiety, too. The devastation I felt after election day 2016 has colored my reactions this time. I’m cautiously optimistic, but I won’t breathe easily until Biden and Harris are declared the winners.

I’m trying like mad to figure out how to handle next Tuesday and Tuesday night.

there is something wrong with the people who are not feeling anxious. I do not believe you can treasure your friends, family, neighbors, and our democracy and not feel anxiety about Donald Trump, his enablers, and supporters. In 2020, common decency comes with a psychological price tag.

We must change that.

I'd advise a checkup for sure; be safe!

and Cannabis is legal in California, is smoke a pipeful of INDICA and than go sit under a hot shower and relax. Great stress killer!

something for beginners. Also, have no regrets, do not feel ashamed! Regrets do not help, only hurt.. What you think is what you feel...watch your thoughts, when you have a 'bad' thought, say cancel cancel and think of something positive. Also, get outside even on your porch. Breathe, 4 counts in, hold for 7, and exhale for 8. Just do this 3 times when you get anxious. Peace and good thoughts, and do not forget to eat healthy.

Your body is sending you a message. Turn off the news, do something relaxing for a couple of days. Watch movies, read books, knit, play chess, whatever. Take care.

My concern is election day violence. I live in Michigan and we we got a warning about possible violence. I too have voted, but between covid and the election, I'm off and on bummed out. Hang in there.

Preet Bharara (@PreetBharara) Tweeted:
You guys hanging in there?

Link to tweet

?s=20

Seriously I myself was getting a bit "nutty" back in July, I walked away from all News and started working on myself. Walking and biking everyday. Slowly changing over to mostly plant based diet.
I'm able to sleep soundly thru the night, as opposed to before 3 hrs then toss turn for an hr, finally give up at 430 am.
Feeling 95% better, I'm attributing it to the exercise.

Do you even realize how much company you have in this predicament? How alone you AREN'T???

ALL these feelings - everything you describe - it all sounds and feels familiar.

You describe it so well. I know exactly where you are. Everybody in my Indivisible group has worked her/his tail off toward the goal of getting out the vote - and specifically, getting out the vote AGAINST trump. AND there's some getting stoned in there, too.

I hang on the words - "it makes me feel like I'm DOING SOMETHING!" That's always gotten me through some challenging times. Get busy. Book up your time. DO stuff. Whether it's taking up a hobby,cleaning out a closet, or better yet, ANY activism - like what you describe with phone-banking and donating and other stuff. There's writing letters to the editor, joining an interest group, whether it's something like the Sierra Club or World Wildlife Fund or Planned Parenthood or Biden/Harris 2020. Or whatever! Your own Democratic party, state or county. Your local Indivisible group. I've probably annoyed one too many DUers here, posting about my Indivisible group.

(And I just wanna add here, folks, I am NOT getting paid to promote the Indivisible movement. I don't think they do that, anyway. Doubt they even need the PR.)

Granted, frontline political activism is not for everybody, but grouping together to do something-or-other is NEVER a bad idea. Since we all can't meet in person these days, seems to me we need some sort of connection like that even more! There's Zoom, too, and many of these groups meet on a weekly basis. So at least you can talk and joke and see people's faces and stay caught up.

But there are things you can do to get through it. Frankly, activism is certainly keeping me from feeling desolate or depressed. Actually, it's more like being inspired! You can get a - pardon the expression - "contact high" from something like this. There's one woman in my Indivisible group who started writing postcards to voters back in APRIL! She said she's sent 850 so far. Holy cannoli! I can't even think about that one without getting inspired!

Another idea: check in HERE. Let DU be your friend and your companion. Heck, this place has helped me get through not one but TWO supremely fucked-up, revolting, scandal-ridden, criminal, callous, cheap, greedy, short-sighted, deceitful, unfeeling, uncaring, unsympathetic, and quite literally murderous Republi-CON administrations, bush/cheney AND this one now. I often find myself quoting our own Skittles who said "someone's always here." I found that to be true personally after my mom's death in 2006. People saw my post and checked in and buoyed me up and kept me company at all hours, in all timezones. That Skittles comment has been a life raft for me at times.

You're doing the exact right thing, right now as you're reading through this thread. Keep it. It'll remind you of how many shoulders there were/are for you to lean on when you need it!

Lots of folks will do battle and take the brunt so you won’t have to. Chill. We got this. You have paid your dues. We are going to kick Trump’s rear end up and down the sidewalk

Please try Yale's Science of Well Being course. It is free & 1st videos are abailable immediately upon registration!

Those who have tried thecourse say they felt better after the 1st video!

This is about mindfulness & has been a hot topic in psychology the past few years.

https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being?utm_source=gg&utm_medium=sem&utm_campaign=01-BrandedSearch-US&utm_content=01-BrandedSearch-US&campaignid=380484307&adgroupid=102187343498&device=m&keyword=&matchtype=b&network=g&devicemodel=&adpostion=&creativeid=433079694377&hide_mobile_promo&gclid=Cj0KCQjwreT8BRDTARIsAJLI0KJLZGmb6Yv8AEku7n8GuofuLpxcgZa69uE7a-6WxIbIChMdcufqrPAaAodAEALw_wcB

Many of us are right there with you. That being said, I don’t have any advice, but as others have shared, you are not alone. You will be in my thoughts. Wishing you some peace from this stress.

I recommend a couple ounces of $40 a bottle Scotch. Neat with a few drops of water. Keep it to a couple ounces though. It should take the edge off nicely.

Don't beat yourself up for being human BTW.

We are all stressing out and sometimes we need to focus on self-care otherwise we don't have the strength to continue to fight.

Dan Harris, from Good Morning America, got hooked on Meditation and wrote a book called Ten Percent Happier about meditation.
I read it and got back into meditation. It has relaxed me so much. I didn't realize how much anxiety I tolerated every day.

On the App there's courses, guided meditations and right now there's a week of meditations called The Election Sanity Challenge: a guided meditation every day related to how to stay calm and still love during this week before the election.

Check it out.

I had given up on meditation years ago but Harris explains it so well in the book that I got into it again and figured out how to make it work.

...recognizing anxiety is most of the battle.

Acknowledging it helps the brain relax by assigning a cause for your physical discomfort, instead of assuming the worst.

Breathing helps. Not just deep breaths, but an actual breathing exercise in which you inhale to your limit through your nose, hold it for about 8 seconds, and exhaling through your mouth through pursed lips so that you expel as much bad air as possible. Repeat this several times.

Also, almost any disciplined distraction will help. Remember to tell yourself it's likely just anxiety, several times if necessary. You don't have to be a victim to this.