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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsI'd rather be a childless cat lady
than a pile of manure. I didn't have children not because I hate kids or am miserable about my choices in life.
I decided not to have children because though I loved my Mom, and she never beat me, she was constantly criticizing me. I also did get beaten in Catholic school and was often mocked by students and teachers.
There was depression on my Dad's side of the family. One of his first cousins committed suicide. My mother and her siblings had a Dad who beat them. He actually hit my Mom in the head with a hammer and left her unconscious and bleeding on the ground. If one of my Uncles hadn't witnessed it, and got my grandmother, my Mom might have died. All because he dropped the hammer and told her to come pick it up for him, and she said she couldn't because she was in the midst of doing a chore my grandmother had asked her to do.
So when I read in psychology, socially and biology books that this type of behavior might be passed down genetically, or through a learned cyclical pattern, I decided not to risk it. I never wanted to be responsible for making a child feel as worthless as I was often made to feel. That's why I chose to break the cycle by not having kids. I gave my love to the cats and dogs who needed it, and they gave me the sense of being loved and needed in return.
So no I don't feel miserable about the choice I made for myself because I wasn't thinking only of myself when I made it.
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spooky3
(35,502 posts)![](/emoticons/grouphug.gif)
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multigraincracker
(33,549 posts)Now our carbon footprint ends when we do.
BlueKota
(2,887 posts)Initech
(100,999 posts)Than a million of those Moms For Liberty psychos any day of the week!
BlueKota
(2,887 posts)Initech
(100,999 posts)The school board got taken over by MAGA religious Fox News brainwashed psychophants in 2020. We now rank last or near the bottom. If that wasn't horrible enough - the assholes got reelected, and the queen agitator of the board - who is a MAGA Q Fox anti-vaxxer nutjob of the highest order and largely responsible for the mess the board is in - is now the president! And we can't get rid of her, no matter how terrible she is, or how many recalls have been attempted (2 so far).
What the actual fuck! It is why we can't have nice things in this country.
Ocelot II
(119,038 posts)I don't hate children; I had a happy childhood with kind, loving parents, and I was always told that I should have kids because I'd love my own, but I don't like the noise and the mess and the whining and puking and crying and diapers and chaos; and because I'm impatient and easily annoyed I would have been a terrible mother. I didn't want to inflict me on a child. I don't relate to children well; I didn't relate to other children very well even when I was one. Cats, on the other hand, are fairly quiet and their messes are usually well-contained. You feed them and pet them and they love you. I'm sure most people who have children love them dearly and can't imagine their lives without them. But I got pretty damn tired of being told that I would be unfulfilled and my life would be incomplete if I failed to reproduce. I'm quite happy with the way I've lived, thank you very much, and my potential children that I didn't have are probably grateful on some other existential plane for my decision.
BlueKota
(2,887 posts)that are right for them. That's my main problem with Republicans. They don't seem to comprehend that, or that people make those choices for a lot of different reasons.
chowder66
(9,606 posts)I really never wanted kids. There was about a 3 month window where I did consider having kids. I was the age my mom had me. I wasn't in a relationship at the time but was a few months later. I told my boyfriend at the time I wasn't interested in marriage or kids and he was okay with that until he wasn't.
He started pressing me on both later in the relationship and I had to put my foot down and when he kept at it, I ended it.
I can't say the right person couldn't have changed my mind but I never found him and I really don't know if I would have wanted them at that point either.
I had relationships with some terrific guys and loved a few but it just wasn't meant to be and the good thing is that am perfectly fine with that.
The way I look at it is that we are helping the environment for future generations (other peoples kids). That's selfless.
BlueKota
(2,887 posts)It's hard when others especially those we care about don't understand that. I never met a guy I wanted to marry. The ones that I was attracted to were never attracted to me back, and the ones who were attracted to me, I never felt anything but friendship for. Sometimes I think I am lucky because of that. I know people who are in happy marriages, but I have also witnessed a lot of unhappy ones too.
That's a good point to that we are probably helping the environmental balance. Not to mention when I see and hear about people like Putin, & Trump, I feel in a sense that I have protected any children I may have had from having to live in a world where their type of cruelty is admired by far too many.
chowder66
(9,606 posts)Response to BlueKota (Original post)
CountAllVotes This message was self-deleted by its author.
BlueKota
(2,887 posts)There are many reasons some of us chose not to have children and often times there are selfless reasons like yours.
I am basically happy, although there are regrets like that I didn't stand up for myself more, and I tend to dwell in the past too much, but not having children is never something I've regretted.
JuJuChen
(2,251 posts)BlueKota
(2,887 posts)PeaceWave
(565 posts)Stay strong.
BlueKota
(2,887 posts)LastDemocratInSC
(3,767 posts)It's all about methylation.
https://www.cdc.gov/genomics-and-health/about/epigenetic-impacts-on-health.html
BlueKota
(2,887 posts)I had never heard about methylation before.
meadowlander
(4,636 posts)Why don't we celebrate grown adults making responsible judgement calls about their capacity to provide what a child needs to have a successful life instead?
I'd think JD Vance of all people should be aware of what the counter-factual looks like.
BlueKota
(2,887 posts)There are people who become parents who aren't able to provide the emotional needs of a child. Some have them only because they give into societal pressure. That's not healthy for them, and especially not for their children.
I think it is a lot better for everyone to trust their own instincts as to whether or not they would make a good parent or not.