that should serve her well.

No, the sense she’s still your child won’t go away but it’ll evolve. You can be there for her in ways that are genuinely helpful and not regressive. It can be hard just not knowing from day to day what’s going on, but sounds as though you’ve protected her from making really poor decisions through upbringing. But if she’s normal she’ll do dumb stuff. She’ll learn from it. So will you.

If there’s something you’ve been looking forward to doing, now’s the time. It’s a new phase in all your lives.

It is a grieving of sorts as you say good bye to a child moving on to the next stage of her life.
You are grieving the loss of the previous stage. And a child who lived with you but is now moving out
and an adult.

And it is also exciting to see them so grown up.

She will stumble and make mistakes, but that is how we get smart.
We do some screwing up along the way.
But trust that you have instilled values and morals that will guide her.

She is still going to need her parents.
She will come back to visit, you will visit her.

A piece you are missing because you have not done it before is how
much fun it is to have a child in college. The campus, the classes, the romances,
the activities, the football games. You will either hear about all of it, or
be able to do some of the activities.

Then they get married and that is another stage of hope, fun, and new family members.

Family genetics would suggest otherwise.

And we can also live much healthier lifestyles.

I found keeping up with my daughter has helped keep me young.
And healthier.

Before my vegan, dessert rejecting daughter headed off to college, I had fantasies of sitting down to huge steak dinners and chocolate cake every doggone night. I must confess that I was a tad giddy for both of us as we embarked upon new chapters in both of our lives. I dropped her off in Boston and sobbed all the way home to Maryland. The silence in the house hits you with a physical presence you just can't shake. You imagine you hear footsteps coming from their bedroom. You comfort the family cat and dial that long distance number just so Fluffy can hear the voice of their absent mistress. It's an adjustment. For my daughter and I those years are long past; however, her college performance was stellar and we have become closer as the years have moved us along. I will be thinking of you as I greet my new cohort of university students and as I remember those days of steak and chocolate cake which I was never able to choke down. Best wishes to you and your family.

We have her little (17) sister and our rescue dog. Goes way too fast.

to do amazing things. Meanwhile, if you guys are empty nesters, well, that can be a lot of fun.

Good luck with it all. Remember, we got through it without parents hovering over us online. (That's actually a thing. Colleges very politely ask us to back off and let our babies fly. Lol)
And one last to you. I haven't hugged my younger son since he moved to Amsterdam four years ago, so I know how tough this is!

Yeah I guess I spent much time and energy being a “helicopter parent.” Scaled way back as she evolved into a model student/ athlete.

Some meds too (full disclosure).
Have safe travels and thanks for checking in.

sounds like you have great relationship with daughter.

I am NOT a therapist just a parent, grandmother and yes great grandmother we all had kids young....

My grandson from my youngest daughter just got dropped off at college this weekend. They live in Texas and my grandson hated the weather so got into Sonoma State in bay area. So far away. And this is huge, my grandson has Aspergers and has had help my daughter arranged since early grade school. He has come far, gets great grades but socially no friends. They got him a dorm room where he has his own room but shares living room area. Imagine how she felt leaving him yesterday.

The good is my other daughter lives few miles from the college and other grandparents are 20 miles away so help is not far.

Close by. The good part is we are four hours away. She looked at others that required air travel.
Wish you all the best for his experience!
Sometimes I think maybe we can just follow them around in retirement!
Had a co-worker who bought a house where his daughter went to college. She and friends stayed there and his plan was to sell it after four years. Not a bad plan?
Take care,
ED

At first, you're terrified, and then, gradually, you realize that they are going to be just fine.

My first experience with that was when I left my younger daughter at her new school literally half-way around the world from us. She was all of 16. Twelve time zones away. We said good-bye, and I drove off in my rented car back to the hotel, as my flights home didn't start until the next morning. As I was leaving, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw in the distance the extinct volcano where her school was, 2000 feet up the side. I thought to myself, what the HELL are you doing? You are leaving her something like 8000 miles from home in a country where they speak her second language (English), but not her first language.

But she adapted, fit right in, and by the time the first semester was over, she was so confident and at ease that she had lost her accent when speaking English, and had even unconsciously learned a fair amount of the local indigenous language without even trying. Her new circle of friends was as important to her as her old one back home, and those friendships have lasted until today, more than 20 years later.

It dawned upon me that if they are mature enough to have the self-confidence to do this, maybe we as parents are more in need of reassurance than they are.

Post I suppose?

When she proudly told us, "I am Kama'aina now," we knew we shouldn't worry.

My daughter was surrounded by strong independent women growing up. She studied abroad as a foreign exchange student in high school. Once she confidently got on that plane to Chile as a 17 year old, I knew she had left the nest. It was no longer any of my business what choices she made. Now she has three college degrees, a husband and a career as a civil engineer.

Strong women support, growing up and being self sufficient and successful. Well done.

I believe this is the strongest message the Democrats have.

Having a boyfriend in college never got in my way of studying - we would just have “study dates.”

I know it doesn't feel like it now, but from what you've written about her, she will soar and you will be so proud of her!

You will be OK. Try to stay busy...

But I know it doesn't feel helpful right now, when your heart feels like it's being sucked out of your check with a plunger. (Can you tell I've lived through this? I survived, and you will too, my friend!)

Please just remember it's a grieving process which is hard work physically as well as mentally & emotionally. Please be very patient with yourself and make sure to engage in good self-care.

It’s really hard to let go of them. I cried lots when my guys went off to college but I was eventually okay with the concept. She’s going to have an amazing experience and you made that possible!
Virtual hug for you my friend!

through Discord and texting. It isn't like having them here, but it helps. I text them every morning and every evening (good morning, good night)....and occasional pictures of the pets. We've kept on for five years now, nearly every day and night. I also play D&D in an online group with my eldest son, so I talk to him at least once a week during the game.

If she has time, you can maybe set up a family online board game time...there are several platforms to play board games online over the internet and you could get some together time with a fun activity. (This one is free and has all kinds of games: https://en.boardgamearena.com/)

I think that keeping in touch has helped them to feel confident that we're always here if they need us. The two oldest ones (youngest is still in high school, lack of planning on our part) are independent and moving along in their lives, but they check in on a regular basis as well.

As to your partner....I'm "Mom" too and it still hurts not to see them here every day, but those texts and the quick responses mean a lot, knowing how busy they are. You get used to it....but it takes a while.

Wish you, and your daughter luck. She'll be fine and you'll adjust. I did.

ETA: We never forced the communication, but we've always been a very "do things together" family, so it is pretty natural. Middle son's girlfriend is now included in everything....they've been dating since high school.

Web site suggestions very welcome. Kind of a Luddite here….

The only thing that's really changing is the distance between you.
Given your description of her, I'm sure it will work out great.

At college. He practically shoved us out the door of his dorm - he was so ready and excited for the experience.

That did help and made me proud we’d prepared him so well.

My children were ready to fly and they did.

Doesn't mean I didn't wince at their choices at times, including a few instances of sheer parental terror, but that's always been the case with them, since they were born.

It was in the aftermath of those terrifying times I realized I'd put my parents through worse. I was definitely not "a joy every step of the way." My siblings still recount the day I punched my dad in the face and vanished into the urban wilderness.

My own children are my joy. I'm a very fortunate human.

Ships look really good in port but they are meant to be at sea.

your role just changes. Call her (not every hour), just be supportive. The good part is you don't have to be on top of everything anymore. You don't have to be checking her grades, making sure you know who her friends are, etc. You'll still worry, but the hard work is done. I still have a younger child to worry over, but for you reconnect with friends, if you don't have a pet now is a good time It's going to be ok and she'll be back before you know it (ie all breaks - and ours is actually moving home for awhile to job hunt)

I'm an old 70's person myself who's since sent two kids off to college, one downstate, and one to Sydney, Australia. Near or far didn't matter, the transition was hard; I couldn't even look at, nevermind enter their bedrooms for six months. Time passes and we change. We have to grow up, too. We have no choice.
As an old 70's fan of Gibran, I would run across his "On Children" now and then, and felt better. Hope you don't mind if I share it. Sorry the graphic is so big; I don't know how to resize pixels.

Went through the same scenario with three daughters. My twins just turned 45 and the youngest 34. They were great kids and are now have successful, productive careers with beautiful families. If you are happy with what your daughter has accomplished so far, you’ll be ecstatic about her adult life.
Peace ☮️

You just have to focus on being excited for them and their new lives and all the new adventures they take on. It’s an exhilarating time.

We do our very best when they are young and then we let them fly. That’s the circle of life.

'Quit whining. Straighten up and fly right. Life is not a piece of cake. I'm OK and you're OK if the checks OK. Second best $100 I ever spent.'

Therapists pay attention.