The Electoral Rematch - My Football Analogy

[Though 'sports' is restricted in this forum, I'm hoping this passes muster]

We want to welcome everyone to "Electoral Field", where we await the much anticipated rematch between the Pachyderms and the Burros. And it looks like it could be a good one.

It certainly does, Bob. Although it might not be as close as previously thought. The Pachyderms have been struggling recently, and the Burros' new quarterback has been flawless.

Let's just hope we don't see a repeat of last year's post game debacle, following the Burros' 27-14 win.

Yea, that was a bad scene, even for coach Drumph.

We all recall his inflammatory words: "We cannot allow this steal to stand! If you don't stand up and fight, there won't be any games in the future to fight for!"

That's when the Pachyderm fans rushed the field, and along with many of the players, attacked the officials and security guards, beating some severely.

Definitely one of the most shameful moments in the history of sports and sportsmanship.

Unfortunately, that poor sportsmanship remains evident today, with the majority of those fans still wearing their "WE WON! SUCK IT LOSERS!!" T shirts.

Let's go down to Jennifer on the field, she has a moment with coach Drumph.

Coach, what are your keys to victory this year?

"To overcome their cheating. The game is rigged, just like it was last year. We won that game something like 100-0, if it had been decided fairly. We're not going to let them steal it this time around."

Coach, as you know, due to the violence, a board of inquiry was convened, and after meticulous analysis of the game, ruled that it was a fair contest, with absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. In fact, 5 or 6 subsequent inquiries came to the same conclusion.

"Those inquiries were a sham, a witch hunt, rigged against us. They tried to blame the players and fans, and yours truly, for the violence, when all we were doing was defending the integrity of the game. We have the best fans, the real fans. We just wanted to make the game great again."

OK, well... Any final thoughts on this year's rematch?

"We're going to win bigly, by the biggest margin ever, maybe in all of history. Everyone is saying that. A guy came up to me - big strong guy with tears in his eyes - and said: 'Sir, you're the best coach that's ever lived and I think this will be the biggest win you've ever had!'. And he's right, it will be. The Burros - I call them the 'asses' - can only win if they cheat. Therefore any outcome other than us rightfully winning will be a fraud."

Are you saying you will once again refuse to accept the final score if it goes against you?

"Why would we accept a fake score, one that was obviously rigged?"

Then how are you going to establish, for impartial observers, who won the contest?

"We will utilize an independent panel of 6 judges who will carefully watch the game, then declare who the real winner is afterward."

So... no matter what the final score, this panel of judges is going to decide who won, based on their own personal whims?

"That's right. They're good judges, the best judges ever."

Aren't those 6 judges personal friends of yours, who you've known and worked with for years?

"What a stupid question, a nasty question. I hardly know these people, wouldn't recognize them if I saw them on the street."

Coach, they've been seen on your sidelines repeatedly, standing right next to you.

"Maybe they have, maybe they haven't, who's to say? Sounds like fake news. We do know that they are completely unbiased and will call the game as they see it, unlike those zebra shirted cheaters. I call them 'zechebras'. They're part of a completely rigged and unfair system, trying to destroy the game. We're working with the rules committee to replace the 'zechebras', and their score-keeping lackeys, with our judges system, beginning next season. It will be a beautiful thing. You'll never have to worry about a fake score ever again."

Well, I guess it's going to be interesting to see how this all plays out. Good luck Coach.

"Luck, like score-keeping, is for suckers and losers."