Spurious News: Elon Musk's DOGE plans to eliminate all government

AUSTIN, TEXAS (Spurious News Network) — President-for-Life Elect Donald Trump appointed Tesla CEO Elon Musk and entrepreneur Vivek Ramaswamy to head a new Department of Governmental Efficiency, whose initials remind one of a memecoin Mr. Musk prefers.

Today the pair have come to the conclusion the entire government is too inefficient to save and will shut it down on January 21, 2025.

“There’s nothing the government does that can’t be done better by the private sector,” Mr. Musk explained. “This includes things like national defense, fire protection and policing. Why should you need to call the cops when someone dumps, say, 25,000 gallons of hydrazine he didn’t need for a space mission or 150,000 pounds of lithium tailings from making electric car batteries in your backyard when you can just get your gun and solve the problem yourself?”

“You‘lol like it after we get rid of govenment - all government, down to city councils,” Mr. Ramaswamy said. “If a drug company makes a medication that kills everyone who takes it, you’ll just know not to take it. It’ll be heaven on earth.”

When asked for comment, President Joe Biden just rolled his eyes. “How come the examples these two idiots named are things they’d do themselves if there wasn’t a government to stop them?”

The government says they aren’t going to comply: “There are more of us than there are of them and we have jails to put them in,” said a government spokesperson. “We’re not going anywhere.”