Spurious News: DOGE announces first government agency for elimination. It's Trump's.

BROWNSVILLE, TX (Spurious News Network) -- Without Congressional approval or any authority to do anything like this, President-for-Life Elect Donald Trump founded the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE). Led by renowned Internet troll Elon Musk and Pharma Bro Vivek Ramaswamy, the mission of this agency is to radically reduce the size and scope of the federal government by eliminating agencies they don't like and randomly firing civil servants en masse.

Today at SpaceX Headquarters in this remote Texas city, DOGE announced the first of many government agencies it will eliminate starting on January 21, 2025.

"We're eliminating the Executive Office of the President on January 21, 2025," said DOGE co-head Musk. "Under the last Trump Administration this agency was responsible for more reckless spending and less work than any other agency in the entire United States Government. The only way we can make America great again is by closing it and firing all the workers including the fat fuck at the head of it."

According to co-head Ramaswamy, "only by turning the Executive Office of the President into a defunct agency can we streamline the government's operations, so that's what we are going to do."

When asked what the United States will do if Musk and Ramaswamy fire the president, Musk replied, "I'll be president. The country will work as smoothly as the first SpaceX Starship launch under my command." That launch not only saw the rocket explode in flight but destroyed the launchpad because Mr. Musk made the water deluge system for it out of shower heads he bought at Walmart on clearance.

We informed Mr. Musk that not only can't the president be fired unless he's impeached which requires an act of Congress, no one born outside the United States, like Elon Musk was, is allowed to ascend to the office. He told us to "get your liberal asses the fuck off my property, I'll do whatever the hell I want."

After President-for-Life Elect Trump learned Musk and Ramaswamy are preparing to fire him and steal his office, Trump responded by attempting to fire both men. "Firing people is what I do best," Mr. Trump said, "and I'm going to do that to them. No one tries to fire me and gets away with it." Mr. Musk responded, "screw you pal. I'll do whatever I want. No one can fire me, especially your felonious ass. Remember, I have a picture of you fucking a sheep. Sit down, shut up and do what you're told." After Mr. Trump admitted that several authentic photos made on different days of him fucking sheep exist and he is proud that they do, he decided it would be best for the country to let Mr. Musk have his way.