WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an advisory issued on Wednesday, the American Medical Association urged US patients seeking medical attention to go to Canada.

“Commencing January 20, 2025, Americans should schedule even the most routine medical appointments north of the border,” Dr. Harland Dorrinson, the president of the AMA, said.

Dorrinson observed that recently announced changes to the nation’s healthcare establishment had already impacted Wall Street, with a boom for companies selling coffee bean extract, raspberry ketones, horse dewormer, and leeches.

In the AMA’s gravest warning, he noted, “Rand Paul is now the most legit doctor in the US government.”