Spurious News: Trump makes moves to solve the egg overpricing problem

PALM BEACH, FLA (Spurious News Network) -- One of the issues Donald Trump won re-election over was the high price of eggs...a problem caused by avian influenza decimating entire flocks of egg-laying hens, which is a problem not solvable by any politician.

Today, President-for-Life Elect Donald Trump has announced his plan to "make egg prices great again."

"I will use the power of the presidency to make eggs affordable again," Trump said in an address at his luxury resort in this seaside community. "On the first day of my administration I will issue an executive order directing every hen in America to lay twice as many eggs as they are laying now, with penalties up to and including being turned into chicken pot pie for noncompliant hens. With twice as many eggs per hen we will no longer have overpricing problems."

In response, Harold Watkins, spokesman for the American Egg Board, rested his head in his hands. "Oh lord...no one is really that stupid."