Spurious News: Nobel Prize Committee creates new award just for Trump!

STOCKHOLM (Spurious News Network) — President Jimmy Carter received the Nobel Peace Prize in 2002, and President Barack Obama received his in 2009. King Donald Trump believes he is also entitled to one. The Nobel committee disagrees.

“There’s no way he would even be considered as a Laureate for the Nobel Peace Prize,” said a member of the evaluation committee who demanded secrecy because of the fear Proud Boys would be at her doorstep with guns if they knew who she was. “Peace is a foreign concept to Mr. Trump.”

Out of hope that if Trump is made a Nobel laureate he “might mellow the fuck out for a while,” the committee has created a prize just for him.

“The Nobel Awesomeness Prize will be presented to Mr. Trump but will never be awarded again,” said the committee member. “It is our hope that by awarding him this prize he will realize that he is awesome just the way he is and will stop trying to start wars with half the world and deporting citizens of the other half of it from the United States.”

The committee has also taken strong steps to ensure he stops trying to start World War III. “The entire audience at the award ceremony will be Interpol police officers who will take him into custody at the ceremony. Don’t worry, we asked the United States government and they said they don’t want him either. With him locked up in Turkey’s worst prison and the United States Government teaching their citizens just how worthless and dangerous he’s been there may finally be peace in the world.”