Thinks he’s gold.

Not kidding - that's really what this is called. Lactoria cornuta. It's a type of boxfish. There's an extinct form - Eolactoria - with even more extreme horns.

As with all other such comparisons, cowfishes are far too dignified and handsome to be like Old Colostomy.

Put it out of its misery.

Surprised he wasn't swimming around eating all the smaller and less defensive fish.........