Spurious News: Joey Chestnut accused of cheating to win 2026 Hot Dog Eating Contest!

CONEY ISLAND (Spurious News Network) -- On the blisteringly-hot Saturday that marked America's 250th anniversary, competitive eater Joey Chestnut ate 66 hot dogs in buns in ten minutes to win the 2026 Nathan's Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest.

On Sunday morning Patrick Bertoletti, who finished second in the men's category after eating 51 hot dogs in buns, filed a complaint alleging Mr. Chestnut cheated to win the competition.

"Everything started out pretty well," said Mr. Bertoletti. "Both Joey and I were just sitting there eating like we usually do - well, a little more slowly because New York's an oven today, but pretty well overall. Then someone in the audience screamed out, 'Hey Joey! Trump's coming! Better eat up quick before he gets here!' It got pretty weird after that. First Joey ate all the hot dogs that were set out for him. Then he ate everyone else's hot dogs. Next, he ran across Surf Avenue to a hot dog cart, tackled the guy and ate all the hot dogs on the cart. Then he ran back across the street. When the contest ended he was ripping the plastic off hot dog packages with his teeth and eating the hot dogs raw. There's no way that could have happened except one of Joey's fans yelled out what he did, so I'm demanding his victory be vacated and presented to me."

Nathan's Famous, the storied restaurant chain that operates the contest, assures Mr. Chestnut's fans that he'll retain the Mustard Belt.

"That's not illegal," said Nathan's Famous CEO Eric Gatoff. "Unfortunately, only Nathan's Famous hot dogs in buns eaten at the contestants' table can be counted in the contestant's total. The hot dog cart Joey cleaned out was a Sabrett cart, so they don't count."

King Donald Trump's handlers reported to Spurious News Network Trump was planning to stay in Washington on Saturday. They also claim that had Trump been in New York he would have won the contest. "No one eats hot dogs better than President Trump," said a member of Trump's inner circle.