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The Borowitiz Report-McConnell Bolts Upright in Terror as JD Vance Enters Hospital Room
McConnell Bolts Upright in Terror as JD Vance Enters Hospital Room www.borowitzreport.com/p/mcconnell-...
— Ray Beckerman (@raybeckerman.bsky.social) 2026-07-08T22:52:03.539Z
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/mcconnell-bolts-upright-in-terror
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an incident that astonished his medical staff, on Wednesday Senator Mitch McConnell bolted upright in terror after JD Vance entered his hospital room.
McConnell, who had been motionless and unresponsive prior to the vice president’s arrival, suddenly sprang to attention, his eyes bulging with alarm.
“Get that bastard away from me!” the Kentucky lawmaker shrieked.
In Tehran, a government spokesman said that any attempt by Vance to pay a hospital visit to the Supreme Leader would be seen as an act of war.
McConnell, who had been motionless and unresponsive prior to the vice president’s arrival, suddenly sprang to attention, his eyes bulging with alarm.
“Get that bastard away from me!” the Kentucky lawmaker shrieked.
In Tehran, a government spokesman said that any attempt by Vance to pay a hospital visit to the Supreme Leader would be seen as an act of war.
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Their job is so hard right now. 