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RAFREE

(34 posts)
Sun Jan 26, 2014, 07:43 AM Jan 2014

How did you become an expat?

I married a Canadian 30 years ago. At that time I was just a babe in the woods and of course being young thought my options would always be wide open. His parents were twenty years older than mine and his father was dependent upon him for care. I didn't feel it would be morally right for me to ask him to move thousands of miles south to the U.S. and thought "Well, once his parents pass away we can just move to the U.S. or if we have a child I would want to raise him near my family."

Fast forward. Child is born about eleven years in with serious multiple health issues. Uh oh...I'm in Canada with great health care while my son is in intensive care. We never got out of the health care woods and all my family in the U.S. advised us to "just stay there, you will be bankrupted here with the care he needs"

AND that's it. It became very clear with my spouse not being American and having no job in the U.S. and with my sons health care that we'd stay here. Life just unfolded that way.

What issues have you had as an expat being an American Abroad?

When I came here Americans were roundly pretty much universally at least disliked if not outright hated. My own mother in law was appalled her precious was marrying an American! LOL I had to win her over.

I experienced quite a few nasty situations...school teachers to my son upon learning I was American at times were not very nice.

A nurse at the hospital when my son was born made it VERY clear she resented my being there.
Another nurse when I had surgery once was very rude about my being an American.

At those times it was quite odd since I'm very, very liberal and do not usually agree with MANY of the things the U.S. government does. I tried to be representative in a positive manner finding this "free ambassador" role odd for me to deal with. Volunteering in my community with other liberal orgs such as Interval House was challenging in that those groups particularly did not care for an American amongst them. There was a "prove yourself" attitude. Guilty until proven innocent of being an "exceptional imperialist"

Then there was the relatives back home. One of them thought I had ceased to be American because I had lived abroad so long! There's a suspect attitude back home about expats in general. We were all raised with it. Lots of myths about expats and not many facts about who they are.

The positive aspects of being an expat are that you get a different world view. The U.S. can be very, very myopic in their world view. Pretty narcissistic "It's all about ME!" It's quite an eye opener living outside the borders and quite an opportunity to change your worldview and see things how others see them. I've expanded the way I see the U.S. and the rest of the world.

I've also seen the positive in having good social safety nets, health care programs which are not insurance company dependent. I have less stress than I would have at home due to these safety nets. Less crime, better assurances, if I get cancer or someone in my family is seriously ill my first and enduring thoughts will not be "How will we afford this?" I've seen education valued in a different and better way.

Most of the Americans I meet here are here due to marriage or family. OR the are "border babies" who don't really consider themselves American just because they were born thirty, forty years ago in a border hospital.

Some choose this life, move for a job and others just find themselves with life circumstances that cause them to live abroad long term. Short term expats have a totally different experience I find from long term expats. Positive outcome? Negative?

There are seven million of us! What's your story? Aide worker? Expat teacher? Family abroad? Marry a foreigner? Go to school overseas and stay for work? Long term? Short term?

22 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
How did you become an expat? (Original Post) RAFREE Jan 2014 OP
Very interesting davidpdx Feb 2014 #1
I find RAFREE Feb 2014 #2
We are able to see things through a very different lens davidpdx Feb 2014 #3
Hi..I get emails from Dave's ESL Cafe and whathehell Jan 2015 #19
I'm not talking about the job advertisements, those are helpful davidpdx Jan 2015 #21
Oh, I see. whathehell Jan 2015 #22
I was an expat for seven years. oldandhappy Apr 2014 #4
I've been at it for only 6 months, but share your enthusiasm. cbayer Apr 2014 #5
went sailing, got lost kg4jxt Jun 2014 #6
Yes, that's kind of how it's going for us. cbayer Jun 2014 #7
Where were you living, oldandhappy? whathehell Jan 2015 #16
I was in Asia. oldandhappy Jan 2015 #17
Okay.. whathehell Jan 2015 #18
This is a good web site. oldandhappy Jan 2015 #20
Couldnt stand the heat and humidity jambo101 Jul 2014 #8
I admire a number of things about the Canadian system, whathehell Jul 2014 #9
It started with a horse wreck. Expat in Korea Oct 2014 #10
Wow, you are a REAL long-timer davidpdx Dec 2014 #12
10 years is nothing to sneeze at. Expat in Korea Jan 2015 #13
Yeah I am davidpdx Jan 2015 #14
Great idea! Expat in Korea Jan 2015 #15
Job plus marriage DFW Nov 2014 #11

davidpdx

(22,000 posts)
1. Very interesting
Tue Feb 11, 2014, 09:53 PM
Feb 2014

I came to Korea 10 years ago to teach and it was suppose to be for a year. One year rolled into two, then I met my wife and married a Korean. She is much closer to her family than I am so I've been sympathetic toward staying here.

I had stuff in storage in the US for several years and finally just chucked all of it (kept a few things). It's an interesting way to purge your life. That stuff is sitting at my mom's and I'll have to box it up nice and ship it over the next time I'm there.

I have mostly taught at the university level (the first couple of years I taught kids). Right now I'm finishing my doctorate and will start teaching again next month.

Health care here is universal and we pay a percentage of our income. If we are unemployed then we can pay for an individual policy. I agree it is nice living in a place where you don't have to worry about whether you can go to the doctor.

RAFREE

(34 posts)
2. I find
Tue Feb 18, 2014, 08:35 PM
Feb 2014

That most of us are long term expats due to similar situations, usually family reasons.

It's certainly been hard to read all the "overseas tax cheats" type of articles lately especially coming from what I consider to be MY side of the aisle! Shocking really since I had not realized the depth some of these myths hold back home for the majority.

This article using data from Canada's census is interesting.
http://globalnews.ca/news/1109404/the-stereotype-of-the-wealthy-u-s-expatriate/

I do have to laugh. I wish I were one of these lucky ones on an island sipping champagne to justify some of the labels put upon us. Facts though are funny things and when you look at it, it really just doesn't make logical sense that most expats are rich anymore than saying the majority of people living in the U.S. are "rich"

However, that is all relative isn't it? Because I've done volunteer work in rural Jamaican schools and yes, to them who believe the gift of a pencil is like winning the lottery, I am "rich"

Being an expat has given me such a different world view it's sometimes hard to discuss issues with those who have always lived in the U.S. For instance the 1 percent. If you go to a third world nation then we must own up that WE are the 1 percent. That we have benefited from their misery through the actions of our governments, the world bank and the IMF and continue to do so. What do we give back? Not much. I find it very hard to feel sorry for myself but, at the same time am appalled by the destruction of the middle class and poor in North America. Many people around the world though have lived this type of destruction and have never known anything else.

I am of modest income and do not have the same standard of living I would have had if I had stayed living in the U.S. Taxes on lower income people are much higher here. In return for giving more into the social democracy pot I get great schools, social programs and health care. I'm happy with that. In fact I'm overwhelmed at my good fortune in life though some would consider my family rather poor materially.

Lately, I'm concerned about the more and more protectionist attitudes in the U.S. and how myopic Americans seem. A lot of fear has replaced critical thinking and honest discussion. One thing that bothers me about FATCA is that it's going to discourage even more those Americans who might chance living abroad and in doing so will lead to even less understanding of other nations and the world outside their borders as a whole. This is not a good thing.

I thought to open a discussion about who expats are, what leads them abroad, what value do they bring to the U.S? Other nations see their expats in a very, very different way to the way the U.S. sees us.

davidpdx

(22,000 posts)
3. We are able to see things through a very different lens
Tue Feb 18, 2014, 09:08 PM
Feb 2014

Even from those who have only traveled abroad briefly. I have seen some very close mindedness here in DU toward expats portraying us as something we are not. All of us have different reasons for living abroad. Frankly if you'd asked me a year or two before I came over that I would live abroad for the rest of my life I would have looked at you like you were nuts. Things have a way of changing and while this adventure has never been perfect, it sure has been interesting.

We were just able to afford to buy a small apartment (very small) three years ago as I had saved up a lot in the few years before and worked my butt off.

I've been to a few poorer nations (in terms of GDP per capita) including China, the Philippines, and Thailand. I'm not sure anything can prepare you for what you see. In China the students at the university I taught at were 4 to a room and there were communal bathrooms and showers. I never went in the dorms, but the students did describe them to me. Where I lived in during college was a castle compared to that (even with the roaches).

I agree with you on the protectionist attitude and am going to leave it at that. People have a funny way of doing drive bye insults on DU and I am not going to give them the ammunition.

The expats on here don't really frequent this forum so it's difficult to get discussions going. I know there are quite a few of us (Suji being the one I usually see on a regular basis). Usually I use either Dave's ESL Cafe (which is a cesspool) or AFEK for communication. ESL cafe has forums specifically for Korea and AFEK is for long-term residents of Korea (most, but not all married). It would be nice to talk to expats in other countries as well.

whathehell

(29,639 posts)
19. Hi..I get emails from Dave's ESL Cafe and
Mon Jan 12, 2015, 06:14 PM
Jan 2015

I'm wondering why you consider it a "cesspool"..You may be right, I've never

actually applied to a job advertised there, but I just wondered why you view

it so negatively.

davidpdx

(22,000 posts)
21. I'm not talking about the job advertisements, those are helpful
Mon Jan 12, 2015, 06:58 PM
Jan 2015

I'm referring to the Korean Discussion forum. So much of it is trolling and negativity I don't bother visiting much anymore. I log on enough to be able to keep my user account from being deactivated and may occasionally answer someone's question since I've been here a long time.

oldandhappy

(6,719 posts)
4. I was an expat for seven years.
Sat Apr 12, 2014, 10:24 PM
Apr 2014

Loved it. Learned something new every day. Taught ESL and had former students all over the place. Twas wonderful. Had to come back for my parents and by the time I was free again, I ended up staying. The expat life is wonderful for learning and growing. You meet new people, have new relationships, enjoy new experiences. Good to have a broader world view. Hugs to all of you. Enjoy. Not easy to come back!

cbayer

(146,218 posts)
5. I've been at it for only 6 months, but share your enthusiasm.
Sun Apr 13, 2014, 11:27 AM
Apr 2014

I wake up some days and realize that I am in a wholly different place than what I have known - different smells, sounds, customs, rituals. I feel that I am being educated daily.

It's wonderful.

Hope you get to do it again.

kg4jxt

(30 posts)
6. went sailing, got lost
Fri Jun 20, 2014, 08:00 PM
Jun 2014

my wife and I left St. Petersburg, FL in 2001 and cruised the western Caribbean. We sort of made it back to the USA - a couple of years in the US Virgin Islands a while back and a few months on the south coast of Puerto Rico. But we just could not face returning to "the real world" as we sometimes know it, or "the land of plenty" or even the "land of NO" if we feel snarky. It is nice to go visit once in a while, but it is too expensive to actually live there - we retired at age 40, and in the USA we would be broke but by choosing our lifestyle from a broader palette we can live quite fine. Learning new cultures and languages keeps the brain young!

cbayer

(146,218 posts)
7. Yes, that's kind of how it's going for us.
Sat Jun 21, 2014, 07:39 AM
Jun 2014

I'm back in the US for some specific things, but leaving again in a week.

Living on the boat in Mexico has proved to be ridiculously cheap and much more wonderful than we had imagined.

And I agree about learning new cultures and languages. It's the best youth serum in the world.

Thanks for the feedback!

whathehell

(29,639 posts)
16. Where were you living, oldandhappy?
Mon Jan 12, 2015, 11:43 AM
Jan 2015

I'm considering becoming an expat too, at least for a time, and doing it by the same means as you, by teaching ESL,

For what it's worth I DO have "right of return" in one European country, although it's not automatic, based on my maternal grandparents.

oldandhappy

(6,719 posts)
17. I was in Asia.
Mon Jan 12, 2015, 06:07 PM
Jan 2015

I was in Thailand for five years and still have friends and a Thai family. Went to Korea for one contract, and then went running back to Thailand but in a different city. Tis a great experience. I recommend it!!

whathehell

(29,639 posts)
18. Okay..
Mon Jan 12, 2015, 06:09 PM
Jan 2015

I have no particular desire to go to Asia, but I'm sure there are many

beautiful places there. My husband lived in Malaysia for two years in

the Peace Corp back in the 70's and enjoyed it very much.

oldandhappy

(6,719 posts)
20. This is a good web site.
Mon Jan 12, 2015, 06:18 PM
Jan 2015

It has jobs posted and has lots of teaching helps and ideas. If you browse thru the posted jobs, you will get an idea of places with jobs available that might be interesting for you.

http://www.eslcafe.com/joblist/

Have fun!!

jambo101

(797 posts)
8. Couldnt stand the heat and humidity
Tue Jul 29, 2014, 12:50 PM
Jul 2014

After Mom And Dad immigrated from England to St Pete Fla when i was 10 it quickly became evident i didnt tolerate heat and humidity very well, became an American citizen in my mid 20's and thought i was doomed to a life of sweating in Fla. then an uncle i had living in Canada offered me a good job, i ended up immigrating to Canada and spent the next 30 years on that job, i'm now happily retired,and think Florida is a great place to visit friends and family for a few weeks mid winter.

whathehell

(29,639 posts)
9. I admire a number of things about the Canadian system,
Wed Jul 30, 2014, 11:50 PM
Jul 2014

but I have to tell you, the way you were treated was pretty shitty,

especially considering how many Canadians come here to live

and work.

Expat in Korea

(119 posts)
10. It started with a horse wreck.
Thu Oct 30, 2014, 09:11 AM
Oct 2014

My right leg was so badly broken, the doctor considered amputating it. He didn't. While I was laid up unable to do much more than think, I asked myself what I would have done if I'd lost the leg. Then I realized that something like that can happen anytime, so I'd better get cracking on my bucket list. Only I hadn't made one. Here's roughly what I put on it:
1. Travel around the world.
2. Live in Asia in order to absorb an exotic language and culture.
3. Learn a martial art from a native master (the "Hapkido" I was being taught in the US was taught by a Taekwondoist. He didn't really know anything about Hapkido.)
4. Get out of debt.

And then one day an ad appeared in the Sunday classifieds. "Teach English in Korea. No experience required." Well, I had passed the National Teacher's Exam and the TESL specialty area, though I wasn't teaching English as a second or foreign language at the time.

Hapkido is a Korean martial art. Korean language and culture seemed about as exotic as I could imagine. So less than a year later, I was on a plane over the Pacific, wondering if I was screwing up. Nope. That was in 1996, and I'm still here.

davidpdx

(22,000 posts)
14. Yeah I am
Thu Jan 1, 2015, 11:24 PM
Jan 2015

Finishing my doctorate and looking for a tenure position so I don't have to worry about the year to year contract bullshit. At least to start with the contracts are 2 years. Once I do that I should have a more stable job.

Expat in Korea

(119 posts)
15. Great idea!
Fri Jan 2, 2015, 09:41 PM
Jan 2015

I'm looking to start work on a Ph.D next year for much the same reason. Although the powers that be in our dept. have repeatedly assured me that I could stay here until I retire, I'd still like to shoot for tenure, as well as simply continue to better myself.

DFW

(56,367 posts)
11. Job plus marriage
Sun Nov 23, 2014, 01:05 PM
Nov 2014

I joined my outfit at age 23, and was taken on because I knew several European languages. I brashly asked for extra vacation time from day one so I could visit my German (then-)girlfriend (now wife). I was told, I could spend extra time here, but under the proviso I did work while I was here. Fair enough.

A few years ago, the constant commuting got to be too much, and my (now-)wife retired, so I moved here permanently. I'm still pretty much in a different country every day anyhow.

But when someone like this tells me "I'm not moving to America, come stay with me on the banks of the Rhein River," the first answer that came to mind was NOT "let me think about it:"

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