Little Donny Fuckface is a coward. to hear Donny tell it, he’s the bravest person who ever lived. he never stops boasting about how he would have run into a school to single-handedly take down an active shooter. in reality he’s a craven chicken who goes out his way to avoid a fight.

let’s take Trump’s famous catchphrase from when he was a failed game show host: “you’re fired.” what a tough, fearsome boss, right? well, that a character he plays on TV. in real life, Trump doesn’t have the guts to fire anyone to their face. he’ll do it by tweet, or he’ll get some flunky to break the bad news. bawk bawk!

when Trump wanted to weasel out of serving his country, did he bravely burn his draft card and risk prison time, as did so many men of his age? of course he fucking didn’t. he begged his daddy to find some quack doctor to gin up a bullshit note about imaginary bone spurs. when protestors gathered outside the White House, Trump cowered in a basement bunker, refusing to come out until the police cleared the streets.

this self-styled tough guy has never done one brave thing in his life — which is why it’s totally fucking unsurprising that after agreeing to debate Joe Biden ANYTIME ANYWHERE ANYPLACE, he’s now looking for a way out. bawk! bawk!