receiving “atrocious” service at a restaurant due to the waiter.

i’ve had steaks miscooked, i’ve had meals messed up so bad that i ate 30 minutes or so later than i intended, i’ve had waiters so busy that i had to just wait in general…but none of that was the waiters fault.

i suppose the definition of unacceptable service is service sufficiently horrible that it merits no tip, so that doesn't really answer the question.

personally, it takes a lot to get me to not leave a tip, and in particular i won't deny a server a tip just because the kitchen screwed up. the actual *service* has to be horrible for me not to leave a tip, and it's totally fine if they forget to bring something and we have to ask a second or even a third time. we get it, it's hard to nail serving in a restaurant, especially on a busy night.

we've only seen a few servers ever who are consistently top-notch, and we ask for them by name and tip them quite well (like 35-50%).

to get stiffed, a server needs to pretty much communicate that they really don't give a shit.

I cannot remember EVER not leaving a tip, and I recognize that ANYONE can have a bad day.

When they act like you are invisible, wait on others that clearly arrived after you, are slow in taking your order, and then after bringing your food, disappear the rest of the night, I'm not rewarding them with a tip

I don't go above 18-20%. For good service, I often go well over 30%. For that reason, I resent being ignored when I am dining by myself. I had a miserable experience last summer eating outside alone where the server was clearly focused on a nearby group. And my order was easy. It was really hard to get a second glass of wine, she forgot three times to bring vinegar for my fries, so they got cold whole I waited, and when I had a reasonable question later after the bill came (my burger was supposed to come with a side dish and fries were extra, but I didn't get the side dish and she embarrassed me by asking in a loud voice if I wanted it to go). This is a newish place in a small town and they are always on social media saying how much they love to feed us and trying to drum up business, but in such a small community I feel constrained about saying anything.

The single woman dining alone treatment is a thing, no matter how much places deny it.

It's grueling and unpleasant
unless you enjoy subservience
everyone has bad days

On account of the "tipped minimum wage" being so small.

Long complicated story, I'll try to keep it short. As a Gitrl Scout leader many years ago, I sweet talked a restaurant owner into allowing my troop to raise funds by working as servers for him for their tips and possibly a portion of the profits. they did well, he gave them the full night's profits, and I was proud of thiem -and proudest of all when one said "I will never stiff a server on a tip as long as i live," and they all piled on in agreement.

I mean, there were times I made okay money,
but those were also the most grueling and stressful shifts.
Some shifts were boring and stressful.
Stressful because no money coming in.

… for parking myself at a booth and waiting for someone who never showed up. Thankfully the restaurant was just about empty at midafternoon, but the waitress was very nice about repeatedly bringing me coffee. I left her a tip for the value of a meal.

I live in a state where server wage is still far lower than minimum wage.

Our party of four was seated, it took the waitress 10 minutes before she arrived with the menus, another 15 minutes before she came back to take our drink orders and give us water, which she spilled on our table drenching all four of us.

Instead of moving us to a dry table, she just dumped some napkins on our table. At that point, we told her that we were under a time constraint and needed to order so we could get our food and get back to work. The flood and cleanup cost us another 10 minutes, so we're 35 minutes in and she's just now taking our orders.

An additional 30 minutes pass, and we see neither hide nor hair of our server to give us an update on when we might receive our food. We start discussing cutting our losses and getting up and leaving, but we're stuck because we wouldn't have time to eat if we started over at another place.

Right before we get up to leave about 10 minutes later, she arrives with the food, 2 of the 4 orders are wrong. We cram it down anyway because we've got to get back. No checking on us, no refilling our drinks. I almost started laughing at how bad the experience was.

When she dropped our food off, we asked to speak to whoever was managing. We explained everything to the manager about that had happened, and NOT happened. She was apologetic, but no meal comping or discount was forthcoming when we finally got the check (which we had to wait for). So, I didn't tip when I walked out, still wet, over 2 hours after we were first seated.

Note: We walked in at about 3:30PM and the place was moderately busy, certainly not "slammed". (There were open tables)

It was the most stressful and difficult job I’ve ever had. And I was a manager in a psychiatric facility and had another job where I handled huge trades in the stock market.

Yeah, food service is definitely high stress.

I was never a waiter, but my first gig was as a busboy in a huge "family style" seafood restaurant. Pretty brutal most of the time, especially when you had to do a split shift.

I don't know the server's situation. Whether there are situations at home, or health issues, financial issues anything that might just be giving them a bad day. I try to be congenial and friendly to servers and most times that attitude is reciprocated.

Just an FYI......

I always tip 20%. I understand people can have bad days and don’t think their pay should be affected.

Why was the service poor?
Slow kitchen? Not the server's fault.
Understaffed, so too many tables per server? Not the server's fault.
But, if the server is just irresponsible and got orders wrong, or let finished plates sit too long despite plenty of time being available, or the server is rude or just a jerk? Then, I probably reduce the tip. I doubt I'd ever leave nothing.

As somebody once said: "Be very, very nice to the people that serve what's going in your mouth"
I always tip.

We have tipped on top a few times, when the service was extraordinary.

Resto and service work in general is a grind, even if you make good money. I do not envy them, and I strive to treat all service workers with respect.