you

May you find the strength to help your family. Covid has a way with making heartache even more harsh.

🙏

People with mental illness, they just committed them to institutions. I was a kid then, but I remember the conversations that if someone had a mental illness and you reported them, the institution would give you $75 if they ended up getting committed. True or false, don’t know just something we kids would say.

Yes so much does seem to be chance.and without reason.
That you have stayed connected, even across the country is meaningful. Certainly now for her son too.

I used to chastise myself for not doing more but I have thought about how often in my own life a word, a conversation,, a caring encounter has been meaningful to me at particularly hard times

Listening, sharing, caring, being human, being present in another person’s life even though there is no way to change the past and. what has and is happening.

...properly, that is often scoffed at, good care can be hard to find, and insurance often does not cover much. If you have a broken arm, or pneumonia, or appendicitis, etc, etc - no problem getting help.

I'm a bit younger than your sister. Not much was talked about in the 1950-60s.

What ways have you found to remain engaged and supportive in the past, and do you think those approaches will still work?

She has an explosive temperament, so, it can be hard to have direct contact.

I always respond when she emails me. We share progressive political views.

Her health and mobility aren't good.

Thank you!

electroshock treatment twice. She had 7 children but would have been better if she had none. She sexually abused every Saturday when she gave me a bath. As you say it was brushed under the rug--no doctor's reports on a five year old with urinary infections. My mother slept with my sister until she was 18, My brother is schizophrenic--no meds , no doctors. it was swept under the rug as my parents allowed him to call me constantly a pimple face whore and beat the shit out of me.Sister nearly strangled me. My mother watched. I was taken to the hospital and never asked how I got the hand marks around my neck. But I was given a neck brace. I tell you this not to overshadow your story, but to tell you that you are strong. You left as I did. There are more horrors to my story as I am sure there are in yours. I have seen doctors and I am on meds to help me sleep as the images become vivid at night. You are loved. I cut all ties with my family after my husband was told he had Maliginant cancer "Everyone dies, why are you crying." No empathy or love. You are strong. You moved out to save yourself. It is your journey to live without the pain whether it's emotional or physical. You deserve more. I m sorry you are going through this. But you are tough. My dad died last september.I was told that I will have to take care of my brother and sister as they will given the house and I am to pay their bills.My own son has mental problems as his birth mother was on cocaine. Please keep in touch with your nephew. He will need you now. He needs your love and understanding. My family I can't help,as their lies and abuse still haunt me. Perhaps you are stronger then I . You are strong and loving. If you have relatives nearby ask them to support your sister and son, I hope you view this post as someone who cares about you and the effect it has on you.My parents closed the windows so the neighbors couldn't hear me screaming everytime he beat me. I wish your BIL a passing without pain and the family a chance to go through the stages of grief as best as they are able. You can email if you want. I will be here for you. but remember, no matter what ---you are loved, undertanding, caring,amd strong.and brave. Love you, Debbie.

passes peacefully and your sister can visit him before then.

I have known a couple of families that have had a schizophrenic child. We know more than we used to, but still not enough. We do know there is a genetic component. We do know it seems to strike first in late adolescence — in other words, just about the time the law says a person is an adult, which means that rich or poor the parents have their hands tied.

I think you are right when you think “There but for fortune, “ and know it is so unfair that someone we love could be in so much pain and cause so much pain. Of our medical system I have often said, “I was lucky nothing bad happened, but the outcome shouldn’t be about luck. “

Be strong in yourself so you can continue to take care of yourself. Be at peace, as best you can.

Some people tragically get the short straw and it's really hard when that someone is somebody you love.

generation, as I'm sure yours were.

They were good people but no one every talked much about stuff. I can remember my dad doing a long slow circle of the drain. It took about 5 years and he went bankrupt. He never recovered and became bitter and mean.

It took me until my mid forties before I even knew who I actually am rather than who I was raised to be, if that makes sense.

This can be a very hard and cruel place, and my heart goes out to you and especially your sister. I'm sorry for her husband dying too.

We're all here, you know. And we care. At least I do.

It was such a dysfunctional childhood, I didn't even know what I physically FELT till I was in my late 20s.

Disassociated.

My parents loved us and did the best they could with their knowledge and tools.

I was so terrified to be responsible for a family's mental well-being we stopped after 1. Even now, I'm far more simpatico with animals than with people.

When I’ve had bumpy stretches of road, I cherished friends and loved ones who were there for me and gave me moral support. I do believe this-here hangout is full of people who sincerely care, and comfort.

Again I find myself quoting our beloved Skittles, who once posted an observation that has turned into pure emotional gold for me: “someone’s always here.” I can’t begin to describe how much that has helped to buoy me up. And it has the added advantage of being TRUE!

Please come here! Share how you’re feeling. Let us know how you’re feeling and coping, or even how you THINK you’re falling short. The compassion and camaraderie here is honest, compassionate, and yes - helpful. If NOTHING else, it will help you understand that you’re not going through this alone.

indeed!

It's hard to love so deeply and to be so sad, so far away. Your family knows how much you care about them and that helps them so much, I'm sure.

It’s heartbreaking when those we love are struggling and we’re not able to alleviate their suffering, or the suffering of those closest to them, and I wish for you, and your family, the best possible outcome.

I wish her well going through this. Just be there in the way you can so far away.

I will be thinking of your sister, you, and your family. Take care.

I am so sorry. Take care.

I think its much harder to watch a loved one go through such tough times, then to do it yourself. I've been on both sides of the equation, with mental illness genes running strong in my family.
The best thing to do is to listen and commiserate. As you said, remain supportive and engaged in their lives. Call her every day if need be. Tell her you love her. Just being there for her to lean on is the most important thing. And take care of yourself and your own health.

We're with you.

Bayard! ❤️

I know it's not easy.

Fortunately she was able to be there, despite having covid.

😥😥😥

At least she got to be with him. Your sister, you, and your family will be in my thoughts. Take care.

kind heart!

May your sister (and you!) find peace.