Shohei Ohtani discusses his baseball plans for the 2025 season

LOS ANGELES (Spurious News Network) -- According to Los Angeles Dodgers manager Dave Roberts, two-way baseball phenom Shohei Ohtani is "a player the likes of which we have never seen."

After Ohtani pounded a three-run homer in Game 1 of the National League Division Series at Dodger Stadium, we sat down with him to talk about his baseball plans for his second season as a Dodger.

"I always said I wanted to be the greatest baseball player who ever lived," said Ohtani through his interpreter. "Every kid who ever picked up a bat in Little League said the same thing, but most of them went out and got real jobs and...I'm still playing the greatest kids' game of them all. Baseball's been good to me, and I hope I've been good to baseball. People compare me to such baseball immortals as Babe Ruth, Satchel Paige and Willie Mays. It's kind of embarrassing, really, to be mentioned in the same breath as those greats. I can't be Babe Ruth, no one can. I can't be Willie Mays. But I can be the best Shohei Ohtani there is."

Ohtani described his goals for the next season...which are goals only he could possibly think of accomplishing.

"First, I'm going to throw a perfect game...or, maybe, two of them. And I'm going to hit for the cycle in the same game." Only 24 players in MLB history have thrown a perfect game and no one's thrown a second. Ohtani is the only starting pitcher in MLB history and the first Japanese-born player to have ever hit for the cycle, and he hasn't yet thrown a no-hitter.

"I'm going to hit a Home Run Cycle - a solo home run, two-run homer, three-run homer and grand slam in the same game." No one in Major League Baseball has ever hit one. Only 18 Major Leaguers have hit four home runs in one game.

"I'm going to hit a natural cycle - single, double, triple and home run in one game, in that order." Fifteen of them have been completed, the last in 2009.

"I'm going to hit 75 home runs next season." The highest single-season home run total is 73, hit by Barry Bonds in 2001. The highest total by a player not embroiled in a performance-enhancing drug scandal is Aaron Judge's 62, hit in 2023.

"I'm going to hit a home run over the Green Monster in Fenway Park." Hitting over the Green Monster is very difficult for left-handed hitters like Ohtani, but it's been done.

"I'm going to score a splash hit at Oracle Park in San Francisco." While opponents' home runs into McCovey Cove are not considered splash hits, Ohtani nearly accomplished the feat in the 2024 season.

"I'm going to hit a home run out of T-Mobile Park in Seattle." The Dodgers finish the 2025 season with a road trip to Seattle. No one has ever hit out of T-Mobile Park in a regulation game, although it's been done once in batting practice. Ohtani's longest Seattle home run was 463 feet off the facing of the upper deck.

When we showed the list to manager Roberts, the skipper merely shrugged his shoulders. "He can definitely do all of that. Maybe not in one season, but...over two or three, no problem. The last one might be a little tricky, but if he can put it right between the scoreboard and the stands without hitting the roof trusses, it'll land in the middle of Royal Brougham Way."