but some days I look in the mirror and feel like I'm as ugly as armful of assholes. I avoid being photographed whenever possible because all I see are the flaws, which are many. Probably nobody else really cares, though.

I am working on a family photo collage wall and was actually surprised to see I was not close-your-eyes ugly, and shocked that I didn't look fat, which in those years I was convinced I was, though I was barely 100 pounds. Twas the Twiggy generation, not The Kardashians.

more than a handful of assholes at a time. An armful would be, well, an armful!

You probably look fine to everyone else. But here's the thing, you're smaht, wicked smaht. You can't fake that, as some people have attempted:

Oh, I know how homely I are...
I know my face ain't no star...
But I really don't mind it...
Because I'm behind it...
It's the folks in the front that I jar.......

Lincoln told a story about himself walking in the woods when he came upon a man with a gun.

The man looked at him and said, "Sir, I have no quarrel with you, but I'm afraid I must shoot you, because I have vowed that if I ever met a man uglier than I am, I would kill him."

Lincoln said he opened his shirt and said, "Sir, fire away, because if I am truly uglier than you, I do not deserve to live."

By his contemporaries Lincoln was generally regarded as an ugly man, but today we all see his face has beautiful, kindly, and deep.

That is, I think, an example of how one's looks are controlled, in the end at least, by who one is.

Lincoln replied, “If I had another face, do you think I’d wear this one?”

I did look good in photos from 20 years ago.

...to not comment if these questions are too personal or intrusive.

or overall satisfaction with my life. They didn't matter much when I was more attractive either.

...this is the best time in my life, even as the time to leave it approaches.

I still have 7 years to retirement and hope I can make it with all the changes occurring in academia. My university is offering more accelerated online courses which are a bear and not as enjoyable as a regular face-to-face class. Plus we are still getting our heads around using AI.

Reminds me of the many Trump memes depicting him as a muscled super-hero.

Squinty eyes and nose getting bigger. But that’s expected in my family. Still have all my hair. Getting old comes with a lot of changes.

...I feel far less ugly inside myself than I did when I was young, thin, and in good shape if not emotionally, and in appearance, in terms of physical endurance and strength.

I feel as if I have lived and will leave something to the future, my beloved sons, and that has made my life, if certainly not my face, wonderful and worth living, in the last case, the joy of being with my wife.

But it depends on how I feel on any given day on how I think I look.

Sitting here thinking about your post, I honestly cannot think of anyone in my recent past or long ago past that I would view as ugly.

I don't see beauty as perfection. Concurrently, I can't find "beauty" in someone unless they also have a noticeable flaw.

I also have difficulty in finding ANYONE beautiful unless I know at least a bit about their personality.

As far as whether I think I'm good looking or ugly...that's a determination for others to make, and not me. It doesn't matter to me how I think I look. It matters to me how I feel inside about myself.

you feel all mushy inside.

Warm and mushy.

You know exactly how I feel inside.

Or was I just another one night stand for you?

Just another play thing?

I think there's hope for us, Lucky. I want another side of mushy!

I had to think quick, and tell her they were mine.

She said "they can't be, the pouch in the front is way too big".

I carry my mechanical pen in my boxers. Sorry to disappoint her!

that I won this round!

in my heart and in my soul!

I think that's a compliment.

Maybe.

fat, and female. apparently I am neither ugly nor attractive, just invisible. which ain't all bad

...or less, and I recall it with some mixture of joy and grief.

One thing that happened was that I changed my musical tastes, became a very good guitarist - which I no longer am, having stopped playing in part because I'm not invisible anymore and couldn't be if I wanted to - learned a lot about writing, and basically began to understand myself and made my first steps toward choosing a profession I would come to love.

On the other side, I was lonely, a little depressed at times, but at the end of the day, it made me stronger, the invisibility.

occasionally I have to get loud to be heard when I feel the need. I have never really felt lonely - perhaps slightly in early adulthood but have no real problem spending time and thought with myself. more people should learn to feel comfortable alone (especially by turning off the damn television).

...called "beautiful things." This involved trips to museums, concerts, hikes in the wilderness, listening to and experimenting with new music, playing the guitar and singing to myself, reading, then reading, and then reading some more, skiing alone, thinking, writing.

I think my future wife would have had nothing to do with me were I not doing these things, because as we became friends, well before we were lovers, she tagged along for my formerly private adventures, and grew to like me, to feel better when we together.

I have a sister-in-law who never married, and who had fairly miserable relationships with men, who I have tried to counsel in these 40 years I've known her, since she was an adolescent, and through her adult life. She is in her 50s and obsessed with getting married; in her desperation, she ends up with some real losers.

I told her about doing beautiful things, but regrettably, she doesn't understand that she should do this for herself, but thinks it's a way to fall in love. I guess I told the story incorrectly. She doesn't get it, and I can't make her understand it. It wasn't about meeting and befriending my future wife, although that was the outcome. It was about seeing the beauty in the world for oneself. If one does that, life is worth living, with or without other people in it.

Good for you; you have peace and deserve it, I'm sure.

and is the way.

No matter what happens, you are far the richer for it.

I have a friend who is constantly looking for a man and I keep trying to tell her not to worry about it, do what is good for her and for the world around her - do those beautiful things. I think it may finally be sinking in.

Somehow I managed to attract a much better looking spouse. Don't ask me how that happened, but it did. You can all attest to my lack of charm, so it's a real mystery.

teeth go *Bing* and sparkle when you smile, like those handsome guys in movies.

Google than a Bing guy, to be honest!

I just had a picture in my mind of your teeth going all googly

🤪



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the cut of your jib!

More like such




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and lonely, I posted some photos on an online dating site and got several responses and positive comments.

It surprised me.

I had no idea how popular he was to become; lots of women pursued him.

Of course, he did what he didn't do, except on special occasions when my mother was alive, which was to wear his dentures, which were fairly uncomfortable.

He was a handsome young man, but when he aged, well, not so much.

He met ultimately, and married, a marvelous woman, who, although I was in my twenties when I served as his best man, I regarded as my stepmother. I called her "Mom," not out disrespect to my real mother, who I also loved, but because she loved my father so much, and by extension, me, as if I were one of her own 5 sons. (She's still alive, in her 90's, and when I can, I go to see her. My father's been dead for over 30 years.) After he married my stepmother, of course, the dentures were mostly in a drawer, except on special occasions.

Good for you to be dating. May you love again.

(I told my wife that when I kick off, she should try to pick up men at my funeral; she doesn't like it, but it's what I think.)

I am a happy Senior lady. Maybe it all works together.

Tikki

Since i had my face messed up from a head-on collision with a Buick.

Link to tweet

...once total a Volkswagen with my bicycle and my body, but it didn't mess up my face - other accidents did that - but it did leave a huge scar on the back of my head, which emerged after I went bald. No one says anything about it though.

Congrats on your survival.

with the simultaneous strongly put-down culture. So I never developed the vanity, never primped or thought full-of-self. Yet have somehow encountered "somes" who thought I was self-smitten, me who never lingered on a mirror. I went blank when a woman supervisor said, "I bet you look in the mirror all the time." Huh? And, truly, I've never thought shit about myself, and now by whatever porn standards I'm nowhere there. Yet, am on the fringe of whatever.

I'll say this, have seen many masculines being *very* self-absorbed.

..."just friends," where she said that she felt that men were mostly interested in her because, as she put it, "they just want to lay me."

Maybe she was testing me to see what I'd say; it was certainly a little more than awkward. That's probably why, decades later, I still remember that conversation.

I confess that at the very beginning, like many other men, I was drawn to her by the fact that she was very sexy, very good looking. Of course, like other men, I made a point of talking to women like that, but usually the conversation didn't last all that long, nor did any friendship develop. It's certainly the case that no woman would date me because I was handsome. I certainly wasn't a male case of "eye candy."

With her, it was very different; after getting past her looks, I could immediately see what a fine, intelligent, and friendly person she was. I very much enjoyed being with her as a friend, and still do, even if we are now "more than friends." I've never had such a wonderful friendship and never will again.

I'll say this: One of the things that led me to stay interested in my future wife was her complete lack of vanity.

She kind of felt that her looks were more of a problem than a benefit. She certainly had to work out of some very difficult situations with men.

Reflecting on on what first drew me to her, I was pretty shallow when I met her, but apparently we got past it; she taught me to grow up.

Of course, people assumed she was vain, as they may do of you, but it sounds like you know how to shrug it off and simply be who you are, which is a very good thing.

Raised Maronite Catholic and fundamentalist Presbyterian making me the guiltiest child ever.

I have some really nice photos of myself but these photo's are older they do not reveal my current age.


It seems like today, I attempt to take a photo and it looks nothing like what I see in the mirror. The photos are terrible.


I'm not photogenic at all. I look much better in person. I had a random lady back in July tell me that I could be a model. She specifically stated that she wasn't hitting on me but for a moment I thought she might have been smoking crack-cocaine. I gave her a hug anyway.

My wife would kill me if I posted a picture of either of us on line, but if that's you, well, I'm jealous.

(I know the movie; which was fun.)

No one has ever accused me of not having a sense of humor!

On my inner Santa. White beard the works. Lol

He sees what he sees, and what he sees is who you are, and that, my friend, is all he needs to see.

It didn't help that a girl I liked in school told me to my face that she didn't like me because I was fat and ugly.

I look just like my father, and people were always saying how handsome my father was; so I wondered if it missed a generation or something.

As I got into my twenties and started to have more success with women, I realized looks mattered less than how one behaves and how one treats other people. Then I fell in love with and married a gorgeous woman who looks like Rita Wilson, Mimi Rogers, and Dana Delaney all rolled into one, and realized however I looked, it couldn't be that bad.

A few years ago, someone said I look like Jon Favreau, and I realized, I could look a lot worse.

by my female relatives, which is nice-speak for "homely".

Young women need to understand that men are great at 'negging' i.e., ragging on a woman for her looks or some perceived deficiency so she'll get so run down she'll date his sorry ass.

So they can't believe what most of them say.

...about their looks, but if there are some - I'll take your word for it - it follows that they are the types who become ugly by appeal to ugliness.

It's a nice filter to have, I think; saves wasting time.

puberty kicked in and a weak chin, large ears and nose went from looking "elfin" and "waif-like" to "Yeccchhh".

I know I'm not attractive, but I work on not giving a fuck about it. It's hard.