Breaking: McDonalds introduces Beef McNuggets!

OAK BROOK, IL (Spurious News Network) — McDonald’s Corporation, the biggest fast food chain on the planet, recently made waves by introducing on a limited-time basis the Chicken Big Mac.

“It’s been very popular since its introduction,” said McDonald’s Executive Chef Marty Wallace. “People love the Big Mac and they love chicken sandwiches. Creating a Chicken Big Mac by substituting two freshly-fried chicken patties for the burger patties in our iconic signature burger was logical, and people have responded with enthusiasm.”

“Then we thought for a second: a Big Mac with a side of Chicken McNuggets is a great meal and our analysis shows those two items are often sold together. We even have a Meal for Two that comes with Big Macs and Chicken McNuggets. So we thought the customer would think a Chicken Big Mac and Chicken McNuggets is too much chicken, so…does anyone make a McNugget-style fritter from beef that we could sell?”

As it turns out, someone does: Tyson Foods has made them for many years. “They’re not any more expensive than chicken nuggets, so we ordered a case and tried it. The dipping sauces sold with Chicken McNuggets compliment them nicely, and the cook time is the same. All we needed to do to add them to the menu is order Beef McNuggets boxes and add them to our electronic menus and Point of Sale software.”

Beef McNuggets were introduced at four Chicago-area McDonald’s restaurants to great success. “Not only are we selling lots of them, many customers ask for a Combo Pack with both Beef and Chicken McNuggets. We can’t keep them in stock!”

Customers eating them were interviewed and showed their appreciation. “These are great!” said nine-year-old Susie Perkins, who was dining with her parents. “I love them even more than Chicken McNuggets and I love Chicken McNuggets a whole lot.” Sarah Perkins, her mother, was equally enthusiastic. “I went to a wedding in Utah where the dinner was steak fingers. These are just like those. They were great then and these are better because I don’t have to go to Utah to enjoy them.”

A nationwide rollout is scheduled as soon as Tyson can ramp up production. “The only problem we’ve got here is Tyson not being able to make enough. But they’ll solve that soon and then everyone in the US and Canada can enjoy them.”