As long as you eat 5 of them to keep the meal balanced.

and take the batteries out of your scale…

that numbers are a false, man-made concept. Therefore, numbers on a scale are meaningless.

FAKE NUMBERS.

If it tastes good, spit it out.

spit it out 5 times. To keep everything in balance.

Unfortunately, my advanced memory loss keeps me from remembering to do that, especially when something is put before me that smells extraordinarily good. Having a wife who is a gourmet chef doesn't make it any easier on me, either. Worse yet, she's German, so she can do the pastry department, too.

...just the holidays.

For healthier-eating parts of the year you might even bring your weight down anywhere from 300 to 1500--possibly 3000--percent!

My downfall was alphabet soup. After five bowls, I had an enormous vowel movement. Thanks a pantload, Charms

How many slices meet the five fruits and veggies recommendation?

I would argue you but I didn't make enough cookies for the neighbors so I just made a double batch of fudge...which sort of ended up being my dinner and I can't eat anything else because my stomach hurts from all that delicious chocolaty fudge. Sigh.

I didn't mean to eat so much. All I did was eat what was left in the bowl/on the spatula. (a ridiculous amount).

We have no choice but to believe you. Pass the gingerbread cookies, would you?

I see food an' I eat it. 😂

No matter where the food is I seek it out and destroy it.
-Airplane

and a 12oz. glass of Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale.

Does that qualify as balanced, or do I need to work in some Stollen, too?