MONTREAL - In anticipation of a Canadiens victory against the Tampa Bay Lightning tonight, Montreal Police are preparing for an onslaught of overzealous and violent fans by dumping gasoline over their squad cars.

“This is an inevitability” said Cdr. Francois Dumoulin while puncturing the gas tank of his SPVM Dodge Charger. “When ignited, I think three or four of these will distract the crowds long enough so we can get the hell out of here. And if someone is going set it on fire, I’d prefer it to be me.”

At press time, police were certain that they had some burnt out dummy cars from the 2012 student protests lying around somewhere.