Kale? Vile weed. Blech.

Maybe slathered in bbq sauce.

Everything is good when I make it. You should know that by now.

It's still kale. Likely makes a fine compost though.

Even though kale is super healthy and really good and I don't understand you. But you also hate carrots so I think you're just wrong about some things.

Anyway, you need chili oil, popcorn kernels, garlic powder, smoked paprika (put this on everything,) cayenne and nutritional yeast. Oh, and a bottle of canola oil spray or a oil sprayer with more chili oil in it (if it's the latter option be super careful not to pepper spray yourself.)

Using the chili oil* in the bottom of a big pot make popcorn.

Put a small amount of the popcorn in a bowl, spray lightly with oil so spices will stick, sprinkle on first the spices and then the nutritional yeast. Do this every few layers until you have a bowl of delicious spicy, cheesy popcorn.

Eat.

If you want still spicier popcorn shake some tabasco into the oil before you pop the popcorn. Be careful of the steam for the above-mentioned self-pepper-spraying reason.

*If you don't have chili oil here's the recipe: Buy a big bag of dried peppers in the mexican section at the grocery store. Crush them up so you maximize their surface area. Put them in a pot, just cover them with a neutral tasting oil like canola. Warm slowly so that the aromatics go from the chili to the oil without burning. When it's orangey red you're done.