My letter to Gardein...

A while back I wrote a letter praising your tenders and how in love with them I was. In fact, the only thing that prevented me from marrying them was the fact I was seeing other Gardein products on the side.

Then I found your Szechuan strips and a new love affair was born. I was torn between the two loves of my life, not really sure which I wanted to be with. I began to think maybe I could see both of them, as long as they didn’t know about one another.

Recently I was introduced to Gardein meatballs.

Really?

What are you trying to do to me?

There are only so many meals in a day, you know. I can see one of them in the afternoon, and one in the evening, but now I have to consider one of them in the morning, too.

I’d say shame on you for what you’re doing to me, but it’s so damn good.

Thank you for everything,

Will Parkinson