But I give to you a virtual hug and hope that you begin to feel more positive about things.

And get help to sort out your feeling before it escalates making you more depressed. I found myself getting depressed after really bad health issues. Its not an easy thing to deal with but you need help to learn how to deal with it without letting yourself slip into that cycle of this. Hope you get the help you need , and take care , it will be ok.

Definitions of masculinity and femininity that used to hold, like muscles and dresses, don't really apply now. There is a lot more fluidity and flow.

As to depression, the late teens and twenties are tough years for that, but as time goes on a person gains more experience and more confidence, and they are able to balance things out more easily. You will too. Life gets better yet for you. It won't be perfect and there may be missteps but you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and carry on being you with more experience. It can hurt sometimes, hurt hard maybe, but you can heal and become stronger.

Nobody has a perfect balance and the best of us question ourselves from time to time. The balance is dynamic, expressing some ways at some times, other ways at other times. Introspection is good, but it has its limits. Express yourself in ways that feel satisfying, calming. Express yourself flamboyantly or cautiously, as suits you.

Try not to define yourself too much, because that can confine yourself too. Life is what happens while we are making plans. Life is a dynamic balance.

I think it is less about finding out who you are and more about finding your way, finding your path, your balance. You are who you are, but your way, your path, your future are unwritten, are open. Have goals, be prepared for failures from time to time, but move forward in the present time with an eye to the future and learning from experience.

Be here now.

I personally believe I'm going through gender dysphoria right now. I don't know but I've been a mess for a week now because I'm second guessing myself.

I don't have specific advice about gender dysphoria. It would be best to search for info specifically (you probably have a number of times already) and speak with people with personal / professional experience. I have two thoughts, though.

1) I think what I wrote applies to all the surround of that issue and may be a help there.

2) On the specific issue, perhaps one way to look at it is; rather than dysphoria, turn it into a search for greater euphoria. In other words, love yourself as you are so as to let the dysphoria dissolve away, but keep looking if you feel there might be states or ways of being that might be more satisfying or more fun. Love yourself in the here and now with all your quirks and foibles and wobbly bits and lack of other wobbly bits. When something about yourself irks you, laugh at it, and then maybe explore a bit around it.

2b) Remember that the male/female dichotomy is in many ways a false dichotomy. We are all blends, and you are more advanced than most people in realizing that. Further, there are many ways to accomplish blends and many kinds of blends.

The ying-yang symbol in asian culture has the opposite colour dot in each half for a reason which is that nothing is pure and we should accept that. Further, the two halves are chasing each other around and around, which illustrates that life is a dynamic balance. Sometimes the balance is that the dot might be small and sometimes the dot is large.

I know a guy who shaves his head and has a large full beard. When he sells some craft beer at the farmers market he usually wears a robe which could be a bit feminine could be a bit wizard-like, sometimes with a wizard hat. He sometimes wears a wig. He almost always paints his fingernails and sometimes even paints them between customers. He's intelligent and wonderfully cheerful.

Love yourself while acknowledging and accepting your faults and things you might consider flaws in some lights. At the same time, remember that you can evolve and improve. Even so, life will never be perfect, but you can make it interesting and increase your peace and enjoyment overall.

There are an infinite number of ways of being and experience. We rarely have to go all the way down a line to get where we need to go. And there are multiple lines of exploration available at any given time. Take care, be safe, have fun. At any given moment accept what you can't change, do something toward changing what you can change, and seek the wisdom to tell the two apart.

Good luck on your adventures.

Heaven knows I get so disgusted at some who still hold so tightly to their notions of toxic masculinity. So often the sort seems to be overcompensating for what? I don't venture a guess at that, just a tremendous feeling that men of all orientations putting off a bit too much "macho" display are insecure.
Give yourself credit for self love and recognition and acceptance.
When I've seen the extremes some guys drive themselves into, including suicidal acts, I think damn all that old fashioned "when men were men" shit certainly exacted a lot of damage. Sure as hell don't let grade school notions of "boys wear blue, grills pink" that can be so ingrained in our psyches rule your self worth.
That idiot macho generation shit the likes of Pat Robertson and much of these "family values" simpletons hang onto, despite that rope around their own antediluvian necks shredding, shredding... drove me to much self-worth conundrum at your age as well, until I realized trying to make macho impressions on anyone else knows no limits, has driven far more men into alcoholism and other self destructive behaviors than those in that whirlpool are likely to ever admit before their likely tragic, early demise