LGBT

underpants

(186,668 posts) Mon Oct 24, 2022, 02:09 PM Oct 2022

X-post from GD. Need advice on daughter coming out to grandparents

Need advice on daughter coming out to grandparents

I will cross post in LGBT.

My daughter is gay and under 18. Of course we’re cool with that. The in-laws (all of them) are coming into town this week. The grandparents are in their 80’s and they know almost nothing of LGBT. We may think it’s on peoples’ radar but it’s not, at least with the grandfather.

The grandfather also has limited heart function. My wife is very concerned that it could be too much for him.

My daughter feels as though she’s living a lie to them. They live a good distance away so we don’t see them but maybe 2-3 a year. We are planning on going to the grandparents (and brother in laws) area at Christmas. We are trying to convince our daughter to wait until the grandparents are at their home and not hundreds of miles from it.

My wife and I have a dilemma:
Convince her to wait.
If she doesn’t want to, should we tell the grandparents ahead of time. I know I know that’s us outing her but see health concerns above.

They will be here in 4 days. Thoughts?

5 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

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X-post from GD. Need advice on daughter coming out to grandparents (Original Post) underpants Oct 2022 OP

Sorry to hear of the dilemma. elleng Oct 2022 #1

I concur. Quakerfriend Oct 2022 #3

I think it's her decision. You certainly can say what you advise. LakeArenal Oct 2022 #2

Ask the pros. mahatmakanejeeves Oct 2022 #4

Best suggestion! MuseRider Oct 2022 #5

elleng

(136,077 posts)

1. Sorry to hear of the dilemma.

Reply to underpants (Original post)

Mon Oct 24, 2022, 02:15 PM

Oct 2022

I'd be inclined to encourage her to wait, not as cover-up but to protect Grands from distress. How old is she?

Quakerfriend

(5,655 posts)

3. I concur.

Reply to elleng (Reply #1)

Mon Oct 24, 2022, 02:21 PM

Oct 2022

- Best to tell them in their own home- especially given their age & health issues.

LakeArenal

(29,805 posts)

2. I think it's her decision. You certainly can say what you advise.

Reply to underpants (Original post)

Mon Oct 24, 2022, 02:18 PM

Oct 2022

But it must be her decision.

mahatmakanejeeves

(60,964 posts)

4. Ask the pros.

Reply to underpants (Original post)

Mon Oct 24, 2022, 02:29 PM

Oct 2022

PFLAG of Richmond

The grandfather also has limited heart function. My wife is very concerned that it could be too much for him.

I suspect he'll get over it.

MuseRider

(34,370 posts)

5. Best suggestion!

Reply to mahatmakanejeeves (Reply #4)

Mon Oct 24, 2022, 02:51 PM

Oct 2022

If you are not already a part of this group please do it. I know you are all great with this (she is so lucky you are her parents, I remember when she was born!) and that is so wonderful to hear but there is always more learning to do and it is a group that always needs support and more voices. With the backing of them and the friendships you can make there you will never be caught without knowing exactly what to do and then you have back up. Great group of people.

Or not. I know you to be the best, your daughter is lucky to have you and your wife.

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