Is there life after disgrace? My ex-husband Rob Porter shows that is hard to answer.

By Jennie Willoughby March 21 at 1:52 PM

Last week, my ex-husband, former White House staff secretary Rob Porter emerged from a year of silence to pen an op-ed for the Wall Street Journal. It was a seemingly benign and inconspicuous return to a world that he was compelled to leave a year ago.

But it was not benign or inconspicuous to me. Rob’s fall from grace began when the media set about reporting on an old blog post I had written about the physical and emotional abuse I suffered during our marriage. Within hours, Colbie Holderness’s account of abuse as Rob’s first wife also came to light. These revelations instantly embroiled Washington and the White House in a scandal of who-knew-what-when, ultimately triggering an investigation into the protocol for awarding top security clearances. Rob denied the accusations.

I don’t believe Rob should be forever barred from using his considerable professional skills and knowledge to make a contribution to our society. But Rob’s sudden return to the public eye is deeply troubling to me, because he has yet to candidly address the thing that should — that must — come first: his personal conduct during his two marriages. Rob has yet to publicly show regret or contrition for his actions. Giving him a voice before he has done that critical work elevates his opinions above my and Colbie’s dignity.

I know, better than most, that those involved in domestic abuse rarely fit neatly into boxes of “abuser” and “victim.” The cycle of domestic violence is complex and confusing and can leave both parties feeling trapped within it. As my own marriage was recounted in the press, there were times I didn’t recognize myself or Rob in the story. And I don’t claim to have all the answers for what happens now. But the matter-of-fact way Rob has reappeared can’t be right.

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https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/is-there-life-after-disgrace-my-ex-husband-rob-porter-shows-that-is-hard-to-answer/2019/03/21/a69507dc-4b31-11e9-9663-00ac73f49662_story.html