Why feminism must be reframed as a force for good

Why feminism must be reframed as a force for good

One reader reflects on the importance of children witnessing feminism at home. Plus Sanda Ivezic on why the ‘boys don’t cry’ narrative is harmful


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‘If letting your sons learn to cook, clean, sew on their own buttons, and speak to women with respect is hating them, then I’m guilty.’ Photograph: Maskot/Getty
Letters
Mon 14 Nov 2022 12.50 EST
Last modified on Mon 14 Nov 2022 14.25 EST

Re Laura Bates’s article (There is no ‘war on men’ – we now know feminism is good for boys, theguardian.com, 8 November), I once had a boss whose Christmas gift was a novel chosen by his wife for each member of staff based on how he had described them to her. According to the back-page blurb, mine was about a man-hating lesbian feminist. As the mother of three sons, I was sickened by this simplistic portrayal. The novel went in the fire when I got home.

If letting your sons cry, dress up without comment, choose toys from any aisle of the toy shop, learn to cook, clean, sew on their own buttons, and speak to women with respect is hating them, then I’m guilty. Their three wives appreciate these loving life partners, who support them in their careers and take an equal share of the parenting. They still get passionate about football and enjoy a pint with their mates. Both sets of behaviours in the same person are possible.


My five beautiful grandsons and one granddaughter understand feminism from witnessing it at home. Boys and girls join in together with their playground kickaround sessions. But in other ways, I see more obligatory forms of sexism in this modern world. Unlike the unisex era, this is a time when toy catalogues have pink and blue pages; when boys’ clothes are drab from toddler sizes and the girls’ section is largely pink; when gentle boys are told to question if they may really be a girl; and when the Ukrainian women I have met fear for their men left behind who, as ever, are expected to fight just because they are men.

The “boys don’t cry” narrative that says men shouldn’t be vulnerable about their feelings is part of the same system that portrays girls as “hormonal”, “hysterical” and unsuited to certain career paths. There’s been a disturbing and inaccurate narrative regarding men and women. For instance, you aren’t a feminist if you decide to be a homemaker. Or you can’t be a man if you show emotion and love cats. It’s time to put these misconceptions to rest. Girls and boys, men and women cry, and it’s perfectly OK. Vulnerability is a strength. As a society, we must welcome these notions and allow people to express themselves. Feminism is about all of us; it’s not about distinction or division, but about unity and compassion.
Sanda Ivezic
Nykøbing Falster, Denmark

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/nov/14/why-feminism-must-be-reframed-as-a-force-for-good