I never thought, 30 years after I fled Rwanda, life would be worse for female refugees

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A march for the Sisters Not Strangers movement, a coalition of groups representing refugee and asylum-seeking women to end destitution and reject inhumane policies. Photograph: Courtesy of Women for Refugee Women
Global development
I never thought, 30 years after I fled Rwanda, life would be worse for female refugees
Alphonsine Kabagabo


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theguardian.org
About this content
Wed 1 Nov 2023 03.00 EDT

Thursday 7 April 1994. It was the day my life changed for ever. Growing up in Rwanda in the 1970s and 80s, I had grown used to discrimination from the government and from institutions because of who I am – a Tutsi. So when we heard that the Rwandan president, Juvénal Habyarimana, had died, we knew that it was over for every Tutsi person in Rwanda. My daughter was only six months old. What would happen to her? What would happen to me? To my family? Alongside my sister and her two children, my parents, and some extended family members, we gathered in a small building in the garden of my parents’ house, hoping the militia would not find us. But they did. “We are going to kill you,” they said. The words rang around in my head. My father gave them whatever he could find of value, and they eventually left. Knowing our location was compromised, we went to the Catholic church to hide – usually just a short walk away but it felt almost impossible to reach because of the number of soldiers in the street. Somehow, we made it.
. . . . .


A week after the beginning of the genocide, the priest told me someone was looking for me. I thought: “This is it – I am going to be killed.” I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Guy, my Belgian brother-in-law, was standing there in front of me. It is a moment I will never forget. It was a miracle! I felt safe for the first time in seven days. The miracle continued. I could not believe it. When they started killing people in the church, my mother fell to the floor and bodies had fallen on top of her. She lay there still for hours, afraid of being found. She was safe. My father, too, survived. From that point on, we were under international protection, and we were taken to Belgium. We were so lucky, but so many other people were left behind. My friends, my family. The brutality would go on for nearly 100 days, murdering almost 800,000 Tutsis.


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The wall of victims’ names at the Kigali Genocide Memorial in Kigali, Rwanda. Photograph: Yasuyoshi Chiba/AFP/Getty Images


. . . . .

Today I am the director of Women for Refugee Women, a charity supporting refugee and asylum-seeking women in the UK to rebuild their lives on their terms. It was women who built me up, and sisterhood that encouraged me to rebuild my life, and to thrive. Twenty-nine years have passed. So, how is it that women like me, women in need of safety, in need of protection, no longer receive this welcome? No longer receive this support? I received my refugee status and was supported as I rebuilt my life –I was motivated to work, to form a community, and to give back to the people who had welcomed me. But the women we support at Women for Refugee Women are routinely disbelieved, randomly detained, and left to live in atrocious accommodation. They face cruelty instead of compassion, and further harm and hostility in the place of hospitality and hope.


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Alphonsine Kabagabo (rear centre) at No 10, delivering a message to the government urging more support for women’s rights. Photograph: Twitter/Women for Refugee Women

. . . .

War, conflict, violence, torture, rape, abuse. The number of people forcibly displaced from their homes and forced to flee for their lives increases every single day. Everyone deserves to live their life freely, joyfully and safely. I was one of the lucky ones. But luck isn’t enough. In the face of such horrors, we must stand in solidarity, use our voices, and welcome those in need of protection. One day love will win. And you can be part of making that happen.

Alphonsine Kabagabo is the director of Women for Refugee Women, and on the board of trustees at the Refugee Council.

https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2023/nov/01/i-never-thought-30-years-after-i-fled-rwanda-life-would-be-worse-for-female-refugees