The False Promise of Split-Shift Parenting

The False Promise of Split-Shift Parenting
12/20/2023 by Reshma Saujani
The holidays can bring families together. But amidst the childcare crisis, they also remind parents how little time they share the rest of the year.


In the U.S., two out of five parents struggle to afford childcare, forcing many couples to parent in shifts. (CLM Images / Getty Images)

With the holidays upon us, many are eagerly planning special gatherings with family. But for some parents with young kids, it might be the only time they spend together all year. Welcome to the era of split-shift parenting. In a country where roughly two out of every five parents struggle to afford care for their kids, many couples have resorted to parenting in shifts: One parent looks after the kid(s) while the other works, and then they swap. While tag-team parenting can certainly help couples tighten their purse strings, it often comes at a price. It’s hard to know exactly how many couples today are split-shift parenting. But as recently as 2018, 12 percent of moms worked shifts other than a 9-to-5—and 40 percent did it because of caregiving responsibilities. That’s millions of moms. And since about 3 million kids face losing access to their childcare after pandemic-era funding expired in September, the problem isn’t just affording care—it’s finding an open spot. One mother in Washington heard about three-year waitlists for some preschool programs—meaning she would have had to sign up before she became pregnant.


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If our nation’s policies were actually designed with families’ needs in mind, would some still choose the split-shift model? Maybe. But there are many—and I’d argue, many more—who wouldn’t. Too often, moms have no other option than to anxiously wait for their partner to get home from work, so they can pass the baton—or perhaps literally pass the baby—and report for duty themselves. And that’s to say nothing about single parents, nearly a quarter of households with kids, who don’t have another parent at home to split shifts with. Moms deserve more options. Better options. Sustainable options—and they need them urgently.

Right now, moms in the workforce are at a turning point. After the pandemic forced nearly 2 million women from their careers, they’ve returned in full force: Today, more women with young kids are working than ever before. And—though the gender pay gap is still very, very real—the percentage of women with wages that match or exceed their husbands’ has roughly tripled in the past 50 years. But as we saw during COVID, that progress hangs by a thread. If our legislators, our business leaders, our bosses are as committed to gender equity as they claim to be, they need to support moms. That means increasing access to affordable childcare, guaranteeing paid leave, instituting flexible work policies—and refusing to let those priorities fall by the wayside ever again. Because if we do make these investments, there’s reason to believe they’ll pay for themselves.

So here’s my holiday gift to the moms who were raised on the gospel of “having it all,” only to feel like a failure when they can’t: This isn’t your fault. The system is broken. And split-shift parenting is proof. This choice—between spending your entire savings, or otherwise sacrificing your sleep, freedom and family time—is a false one. The sooner we acknowledge it, the sooner we can move beyond it.

https://msmagazine.com/2023/12/20/parenting-shifts-moms-exhausted-childcare/