as if people didn't think you even deserved a nice set of dishes.

and I got myself a set of nice dishes. Lennox Simply Fine in the Chirp pattern, complete with teapot.

then ever in the history of our country. Women are remaining single because capitalism has destroyed the traditional family (not that that is all a bad thing) and women aren't putting up with being serfs at home and at work.

So, eventually the attitudes of society will have to adjust to the realities of society. But it may take some time. Illusions die slowly.

Seriously. What is this 1950? The day I need to be married to a man to "legitimize" myself is the day I'll go out and lay in the road. Maybe this author shouldnt even *be* working. Maybe she should just be home cooking & cleaning like a good little wife. Seems like she wants to drag us all back that era. This drivel makes me sick.

whether she gets married or not. I think her editor stint at the wedding magazine softened her brain or something.

With absolutely NO sense of self worth.

Most of the people I went to school with in the US are now married (or already divorced).... Meanwhile, none but two of my European friends have done so.

I don't think I ever will... I just don't get the point... Maybe if we'll have kids there could be some legal reasons, but I think even that isn''t the case anymore (at least here).

This is the very first time in my life that I've asked myself why I'm not married. I does seem to be the default thing to do in my situation.

13 years.

I said this in another thread the other day, but dammit, Im gonna say it again. Theres something to be said for a perpetual courtship. Its actually very romantic. And Ive developed the ultimate (imho) response to those who feel the need to grill you about why youre not married. As if youre doing something unthinkable. I just say "because we love each other". The facial expressions you get when you say it are priceless.

If people dont get it, screw 'em. As long as youre happy thats all that matters. Marriage doesnt give you anything you dont already have.

After 15 years, we got married. It was his idea; we had gotten to a point in our lives where actually owned things and we were entering our 40s (and at the time, he was having symptoms associated with MS, but, knock wood, seems to have just been iritis). Rather than spend a small fortune for a lawyer to draw up every legal document we might need, getting married was cheaper and easier (and more fun). So I agreed, even though I have never wanted to be married and disapprove of the idea of state sanction of my union, etc.

It didn't change anything about us, though, as I had to explain to people (remember, at that point, we'd been together 15 years) except we had more jewelry (I love jewelry and he likes the symbol, so whatever). But it really annoys me that anyone thinks that a party and signing a legal contract somehow changed our 15-year relationship into a "real" one, like all those years together were nothing.

As for work, well, I'm retired but he says he was regarded as more "adult" once he had a real life wife instead of an SO. Which pisses him off for the same reasons I get pissed.

So there you go.

long term live in partner's (now her husband's) insurance was better.

THAT is a good reason to marry.

Telling yourself that people are taking you seriously now that you're engaged when they previously didn't? That's a really dumb reason.

I'm knocking wood so hard the neighbors across the road just said, "come in," but it seems as though his health scare was just that: a really bad scare. We bought a house and remodeled it, so there's no money anymore , so aside from me now having dental insurance, there hardly seems any point to having gone through the damn thing!

But yeah, totally agree. Being taken seriously because I'm "Mrs Somebody" (I'm not - I kept my name, since getting married didn't change who I AM!) doesn't even register as a reason to legally chain bind yourself to someone.

that wood, and all good thoughts to both of you!

And dental insurance rocks!

PS: I don't think I said this: my friend is clear for 5 years now.

For one thing, I love living alone! (without humans, that is).

Every May I thank my lucky stars I didn't follow through on my engagement at age 19 to an insane man who certainly did nothing to validate my worth. Now I am so grateful I finally saw the light and began the journey to really loving myself.

I felt like I had to get married to prove I wasn't a reject freak that no one wanted. Or something.

I was married for 20 years, and I am not married now, and I like "not married" much better.

It always seemed like he and I would get alone much better if we weren't actually married... but we never got to find out because he died right after we got divorced.

I miss him but I don't miss "being married"... I feel more more like a widow than a divorcee.

Yet, when they find I am "bi', they seem to see me being not married is O.K.

I would think we were beyond much of the stigmas and biases by now.