A couple of weeks ago we heard Simon Gittany's girlfriend Rachelle Louise, say on national television that it was OK for her boyfriend to stand in the doorway to prevent her from leaving when he didn't want her to go out. ''He's never stopped me, like physically restrained me from leaving, but he's stopped me from leaving, like, stood at the door," she said.

Louise thought the footage of Gittany dragging Lisa Harnum back into their apartment moments before her death with his hand over her mouth had to be considered in context because "he was acting instinctively". While Twitter went crazy when Louise made these comments, it is easy to see why these excuses might seem reasonable to her.

We know that men who abuse tend to blame other people, alcohol or circumstances for their violence. And it's not just abusers who have that attitude.

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We live in a world that accepts there is some abuse that is less damaging (presumably the sort that doesn't leave bruises or scars) and that in some circumstances it is actually OK to control your partner's choices.

And before I get 15 blokes commenting that men can be victims of violence too … yes, of course they can - whether heterosexual, gay or trans men. I acknowledge there are some heterosexual women who abuse and that it's hard for men to ask for help and to access support. But most of those who die in Australia every year at the hands of their partner are heterosexual women. And those men who are abused by their partners are victims of the same set of sexist values that says blokes can't be abused.


Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/comment/we-live-in-a-world-where-some-believe-violence-against-women-can-be-justified-20140307-34cop.html#ixzz2vLLOfWr2