that 'purity balls' was an unfortunate, painful condition many of us had when we were about 16.

that as I'm writing this there are 92 views and only 2 recs. Problem DU guys?

but only if you're a girl. Where are the purity balls for mothers and sons?
Oh right. Mothers can't be in charge of their son's "purity." That would be silly.

To reverse that. Ewwww. The whole thing is icky.

I like the meme at the bottom of the article about the concept of girls' virginity being invented by men.

nothing to do with procreation except to be "vessels" and you didn't want someone else using your "vessel." Pretty gross.

and St. Patrick, and point out that his, "vanquishing the snakes in Ireland" was simply his stamping out the Mother religions?

I am not a practicer of any religion, but I was raised Catholic. I do believe in a divine intelligence but I think attributing a gender to it is a pretty random decision. So because I was raised to think of that divine intelligence as "he," when I was in my late 30's I thought I'd give equal time, and from then on think about it as "she." It is kind of amazing the way that one very small change affects your outlook on things.

The very central concept of a "heavenly father" neatly sets the stage for suppression and exploitation of women and, sadly, girls (and even boys).

One is not to disobey one's father, heavenly or biological. That would be sacrilege and damnable.

The photographs drive home the creepiness of the whole thing.

Recommended.

"Don't have sex with any other guys, daughter, or you'll make Daddy sad". How the HELL is that not creepy???

purity ball rites that really makes my skin crawl. The romantic photos with the fathers, the "date with daddy" aspect of it. Those are missing in your correctly described "for sale" rites.

The whole thing sets off gigantic alarm bells and I would be so worried about those girls if I were a teacher or a relative. Who on earth thinks this is a good thing? You've got to be way past the deep end to think this is ok.

It's only a small step away from a Purity Ball to having a marriage ceremony between dad and daughter. They come as close to that as possible.

I have a good friend of many years that has recently gone bonkers, in my opinion. He considers himself an "Ultra Liberal" and pretty much defines his existence by his hatred for Bush and Cheney. However in recent months he has been trying to convince me to find a mail-order bride from a third world country. He has been insisting that arranged marriages are the natural order of human partnerships and that this whole "marrying for love" idea is just a fad that will fade away. He literally sneers at the idea. I believe he has arrived at this conclusion based upon his own somewhat-arranged (by friends, not family) marriage to a woman from Burkina Faso, to which he attributes all of his current happiness and stability.

I've tried explaining the concept of patriarchy and how arranged marriages can devolve to a form of indentured (sexual) servitude, but he doesn't accept those arguments. How else can I get it through his thick head that this is a bad idea?

Then go

And tell us.


That's creepy. I suspect he's got a seriously bruised heart. I've met two women in the course of my career that got into the US that way -but they bolted the first chance they got. I would not recommend this for you - OR - for the women.

The way to stop it - is for men in the US to not buy into it.

Pssst - Says the woman who jokes with her husband that she married him for an Italian Health Care card. And he knows it! He knows there's a LITTLE kernel of truth in there.

She came to the US to work as a nanny for another of our good friends who met his wife in Haiti while working for the State Department. He and his wife thought they would be a good match, so they were introduced and married shortly thereafter.

Personally, I think he got married because he was very lonely and insecure. From what I have observed, their marriage is without affection - almost entirely a business arrangement. I believe that he is trying to convince himself that his marriage is sound, even though I think deep down he knows it's love-less.

His henpecking ramped up a notch after his trip to Shanghai. For months afterward he was urging me to go there and "rescue" a Chinese woman by marrying her and bringing her back to the U.S. Even after I told him that such a marriage arrangement wouldn't work for me, he kept insisting "you can make yourself love her - I did with my wife." He just doesn't accept my reasons for not wanting such a thing.

He's a self-described Liberal, but he's pretty much the most conservative friend I have. Take his views on arranged marriage and add a heaping dose of predeterminism and a sharp disdain for science. Sometimes being a friend is hard.

I'm trying to figure out what my reaction would have been if someone had suggested that I go to one of these with my daughter.

First I would have had to have someone explain what these are, then I think I would have been struck speechless.

Weird, creepy, retch inducing and completely and in all other ways unappealing.