Feminists
Related: About this forumMy mother tricked my father into sending me to an independent all women's college.
Sweet Briar.
Actually, both parents wouldn't let me apply to any other genre. I applied to Randolph Macon Women's College, Beaver College, Gaucher College. And I got into all of them.
1975. I was a senior at a public high school in suburban New Jersey. B-plus average. Impressive SAT scores.
My father had issues with control as far as allowing me to make my own decisions. It was oppressive and onerous. I hated it.
I got into Beaver first and I had the delusion that I could at least choose where I'd attend college out the small selection I was given.
Nope. Dad wanted to wait to see if Sweet Briar and/or Randolph Macon accepted me. They did. OK. I still chose Beaver simply because it was in metropolitan Philadelphia instead in the middle of Virginia, where the other colleges were located. Dad nixed Beaver, told me it was my "back-up" school.
I chose Sweet Briar as it was a pretty campus, it was 15 miles closer to home (honestly), and someone I really didn't like from high school was going to attend Randolph Macon.
The very first course I attended at Sweet Briar was Logic. It totally opened my mind with its mathematical analysis of arguments, proof, process of validity of facts. Each subsequent course I took, my intelligence increased, my critical thinking improved, my collection of principles and facts grew. I became independent through knowledge. This was the purpose of liberal arts.
You're asking, "How did your mother 'trick' your father?"
My mother attended Barnard and had a similar experience. She understood the family situation where my father was desperately trying to direct my life. Mom wanted me to escape her fate of a marriage with little or no independence. She was as oppressed as I was in our family. And she couldn't help me by advocating for me -- except to make the case that I should go to an "exclusive, all-girl college" -- to find a suitable husband. That's right. Not that she believed her premise, but Dad would believe that.
My father was a shameless social climber and was concerned about me both marrying the "wrong sort" and not enhancing his social climbing. By following Mom's premise that I could marry well at an exclusive all-girl's college, I'd be rubbing shoulders with girls from exclusive private schools, debutantes, etc. and meeting visiting male students from the equivalent background. And maybe, just maybe, the college could turn me into a "Lady".
I know, I know. It was 1975. Feminism had not yet hit its stride, especially in our household and Sweet Briar.
Mom knew my only escape was independence, being able to think for myself, support myself, etc. until I could find a like-minded partner. Obviously THAT premise wasn't the one to use on Dad. So she fell back on the 1950's marriage argument. And it worked.
I graduated. I went to get a Master's and a Juris Doctor. I never married and never missed getting married.
Honestly, I initially resented being sent to a school where I believed I would have to wear starched-white shirts and white gloves to pour tea on Sundays. Instead, I met some very interesting young women with intellect and spirit. Yes, there were the debutantes, who were marking time at Sweet Briar, waiting to get married. I even learned to make friends with them.
But my character and opportunities developed as a result of my mother doing me the biggest favor in my life.
P.S. Dad never caught on that he put me on a trajectory to autonomy and independence.
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CTyankee
(64,485 posts)reticence. She became self assured in an all women environment. At the time some of my coworkers asked why she went to an all girls school since she was so pretty!
TheBlackAdder
(28,613 posts).
Nothing builds independence like knowing you're on your own. It was a five hour drive.
.
PittBlue
(4,283 posts)Your Mother was obviously brilliant.
TNNurse
(7,035 posts)mgardener
(1,868 posts)Tore up my application for a college.
That was not my local community college.
I was working after school and had to go get a money order to send with the application.
The only reason my mother signed the application was because my friend went to the same college and her mother persuaded my mother it was OK.
I was the first person on either side of my family to graduate from college.
MLAA
(18,122 posts)yardwork
(63,234 posts)Chicagogrl1
(445 posts)🙌🏻 🙌🏻 🙌🏻
Its really hard to believe that there is/was a time when women did not have autonomy. My Mom taught me to always be able to stand on my own two feet. Kudos to you for following your path!!
oldsoftie
(13,339 posts)They want their son or daughter to go to THEIR school & get into THEIR field and marry the rich guy/girl.
The Jungle 1
(4,552 posts)Beaver college changed its name to Arcadia in 2001.
The college took substantial abuse for years over the Beaver name. I still think it was a shame the name had to change.
Farmer-Rick
(10,887 posts)It was such a shame brilliant women like yourself had to trick their families into letting them be successful.
I first took logic classes in highschool. I continued them in college. I agree with you , logic classes opened up my thinking and helped structure my thoughts.
TheRickles
(2,263 posts)no_hypocrisy
(47,935 posts)While he didn't actively continue to try to control my life, there was an undercurrent where my achievements were not fully appreciated.
TheRickles
(2,263 posts)AverageOldGuy
(1,812 posts). . . did Sweet Briar turn you into a lady?
My daughter was accepted at Sweet Briar but opted for a small Alabama state university where her professors took time with students. She came out a dedicated liberal social justice warrior.
no_hypocrisy
(47,935 posts)At least not initially. I was resistant only b/c I didn't want to become an elitist.
As I matured, I found that the pursuit of high standards didn't make one an elitist. I adopted a professional demeanor, tact, restraint, and patience. I'm certain I picked that up from Sweet Briar.
If anything, I've annoyed (male) employers who found me to be more intelligent and a better critical thinker than they were.
Lady? Probably, but not according to the generic standards.
Sweet Briar was a small school. I had classes with as few as 3 other students and some with 50. The professors and students got to know each other quite well. Matter of fact, I returned to attend the memorial for my freshman English prof, who gave me a C-minus, due to my continual respect for him.
Bernardo de La Paz
(50,249 posts)Pacifist Patriot
(24,769 posts)Eleven years later I broke the gender barrier at Washington & Lee. Ironically, got both my BA and my MRS there. Landed an awesome feminist husband against all odds. LOL!
One of my favorite people is a Sweet Briar alum who married one of my husband's fraternity brothers. Possibly the sassiest, badassiest, smartest woman I've ever met.
I love your story and so appreciate you sharing it!!
mnhtnbb
(31,682 posts)After getting both my BS (1973)and Master's (1975 in a male dominated field) from UCLA despite getting married in 1972, my mother had the nerve to tell me I would always be able to get a job as a secretary. When I asked her if that meant my brother, who had just gotten his MD, would always be able to get a job as an orderly, that shut her up.
I divorced the first husband after seven years. Left the second after 32 years before he blew his brains out.
I have often wondered if I'd followed my heart and never married how different my life might have been.
You were very lucky to have such a wise and supportive mother.
NNadir
(34,011 posts)AllyCat
(16,738 posts)She loves it.
MLAA
(18,122 posts)My parents never thought to encourage me to go to college. I would be the first in my family to graduate college on either side. It just didnt occur to them, I was a girl in the south. Dad encouraged me to be an artist or go into a number of traditional womens fields. He was not controlling. They did tell my 2 year older brother that he either had to go into the military or college, his choice. I always had the strong feeling that I never wanted to rely on a husband or anyone else to support me so I went to an engineering school. My brother and I both graduated on the same day me in the morning and him in the evening. Both engineering degrees. Dad and mom were very proud and said so many times. Dad later told me he just never imagined the things I chose to do were possible for me but was very proud that I did.
WinstonSmith4740
(3,135 posts)Dad was adament about his 4 daughters going to college, but was kind of your dad's mirror image. He wanted us independent, and NOT needing a man to take care of us. He and mom were the "greatest generation" who both had the talent to go to college, but not the money, and there was that pesky war to deal with. He started talking to me about how important college was when I was 5...no exaggeration. And mom was right there with him. BUT...there was no way we could go "away" to school. We had to commute and live at home. It was the 60's, the sexual revolution was in full swing, and he was not about to have our education interrupted by a pregnancy. (I guess you could only have sex at night, in bed. ) Fortunately for me, there was a local liberal arts/teacher's college that had exactly what I needed, was highly recommended by my coaches and counselors (I was a jock, phys. ed. major) and as a state school, dirt cheap so I could pay for it with summer jobs.
My experience was a lot like yours...college those days was an eye-opening experience, when our professors demanded critical thought. There was no way you could go into a classroom discussion with fuzzy or emotional thinking. It was an experience that formed so many of us.
But actually, the reason I got started on this life story was that we may have grown up in the same area! I grew in Cherry Hill, NJ, and went to what was then Glassboro State College, now Rowan University...when you endow a college with $500 million, they'll change the name!
JudyM
(29,474 posts)So much character, both you and your mother.
Free community college for everyone would turn more folks into Dems.
Skittles
(156,724 posts)me, I enlisted that same year
no_hypocrisy
(47,935 posts)My father disinherited me and my two siblings when died.
While he didnt leave anything to Sweet Briar, one-quarter of the estate went to Moms college, Barnard. I can live with that.