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yardwork

(64,318 posts)
Sun Jul 15, 2012, 11:12 AM Jul 2012

How do women build self-confidence?

I have gained a lot of self-confidence from being successful at work, and this improved self-confidence has strengthened all aspects of my life.

It's not surprising to me that many women face barriers to working successfully. There are a lot of political, social, and economic reasons for people who control most of the power to want to keep women away from power. One aspect of this that is sometimes overlooked is that working at a satisfying, economically rewarding job gives women self-confidence. Earning their own income gives women independence and opportunities to make choices about their lives and the lives of their children.

I don't mean this to be an artificially simplistic argument between "women who work" and "women who stay home and raise children." Being a homemaker is extremely hard work and it can be very rewarding. And it doesn't have to be any more economically insecure than a job outside the home. If a couple decides that one of the partners will stay home to raise children and run the household, and they will pool the income from the other person's job outside the home, this isn't necessarily a bad idea. Yes, there is the risk that the couple will break up and the one who stayed home might find themselves suddenly forced into a job market with outdated or no skills. This has happened to a lot of women - it's an old story. But there are ways to plan for more security. I was a stay at home mom for 15 years but I did part-time consulting work that kept my skills fresh and when I decided to leave my marriage I was able to find a full-time permanent job that was a natural outgrowth of my consulting work. The other risk from being an unpaid homemaker is the loss of social security income and retirement investments. In my personal experience, however, working from home did not give me the same level of self-confidence or the same economic opportunities for independence that working in a job outside the home has given me.

My point is not that "all women should work outside the home." My point is that "all women should have the opportunity to perform work that is important, satisfying, and provides them with economic and social independence." That is where women gain self-confidence and - very importantly - avoid becoming trapped in dangerous and unhappy relationships that they can't escape because they lack (1) the personal self-confidence to believe that they can support themselves and (2) the economic means to support themselves and their dependents.

Unfortunately, there is a serious shortage of jobs available to women that actually provide a living wage and a sense of dignity. I recommend Barbara Ehrenreich's book Nickled and Dimed for a stark first-person account of how difficult - really impossible - it is to survive on minimum wage jobs. Many of the jobs currently available for women undermine their sense of self-confidence and limit their economic and social opportunities.

I'm interested to hear how others feel about work and how it affects their sense of self-confidence. For women and men, is your work a source of self-confidence and empowerment for you? If it is, how has that made a difference in other aspects of your life? If your work does not give you self-confidence and/or economic security, how does this negatively impact your life, especially your feelings about your ability to deal with the stresses and strains of life?

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How do women build self-confidence? (Original Post) yardwork Jul 2012 OP
Ok, I'm slightly weirded out that this OP has been tweeted but not responded to! yardwork Jul 2012 #1
This is a hard topic for me. Neoma Jul 2012 #2
For me ... DURHAM D Jul 2012 #3
Sorry, I can't stop laughing REP Jul 2012 #4
replying in case someone can answer this. mopinko Jul 2012 #5
Hmm. Starry Messenger Jul 2012 #6
I think it also depends on the individual as well, my wife is a stay at home mom loli phabay Jul 2012 #7
I still have trouble with this LaurenG Jul 2012 #8

yardwork

(64,318 posts)
1. Ok, I'm slightly weirded out that this OP has been tweeted but not responded to!
Sun Jul 15, 2012, 02:30 PM
Jul 2012

Was it tweeted because somebody liked it? Please share your thoughts?

DURHAM D

(32,835 posts)
3. For me ...
Sun Jul 15, 2012, 05:15 PM
Jul 2012

self-confidence was built by playing sports as a youngster. I have no positive thoughts about my early work experience given that I graduated from college in 1966 and moved into the work force at a time when the available "professional" jobs were as a librarian, teacher, nurse or stewardess.

I chose none of those options so I became a secretary. At that time the following concepts had not yet made it into the workplace: sexual harassment is wrong, equal pay for equal work, paid sick leave and vacation leave accrued at the same rate as men and sometimes not at all, performance reviews perhaps followed by wage increase, child care needs, personal days. Women simply did not need to make a decent income because their husbands could support them. Meanwhile, we had to look just right and always wear a dress/suit and heels.

I returned to school in my 30s to get a masters. After that I realized I was no longer able to work for the man so I partnered with two other women to start a small business. I soon bought them out and became the boss.

I think it all worked out because I saw my employees as team members. If they weren't happy, and heard, and working with me I assumed the company would fail. I learned this lesson from team sports. We succeeded.

I am now retired but I am still looking for a little more self-confidence. I have actually thought about getting a part-time job so I could see how much things have changed in the past 40-50 years. I afraid I will be disappointed but at least, given my age, I won't be sexually harassed anymore.

REP

(21,691 posts)
4. Sorry, I can't stop laughing
Sun Jul 15, 2012, 07:45 PM
Jul 2012

A job that improves my self-confidence/sense of self/etc? What ARE those? I don't know MEN who have those, and most of my friends have Prestigious Jobs at a Very Well Known Company.

When I was working, I mostly had jobs that provided a paycheck. The last one provided medical and other bennies, made my life a living hell and permanently crippled me. That was a Union job. A Union desk job.

For a brief shining moment, I did work I loved and was very good at. It was stressful as hell and I had some awful jobs, but I fucking loved what I did. Who I am, though, has never been predicated on my job title. Maybe because I've never had a "career" - just jobs.

Starry Messenger

(32,375 posts)
6. Hmm.
Mon Jul 16, 2012, 06:32 PM
Jul 2012

I enjoy my job and I feel confident when I'm doing it, it's a source of joy. As far as it making me feel confident overall, no.

Without going into a lot of too many details, it's not as secure as it should be, raises are few and I have no health insurance. It gives me very little security and dignity--but it is one of the few positions left of its kind and it is what I went to school for, and I'm going to be 42 so I feel like I should stay and not try to retrain for something that I could possibly get like a Silicon Valley cube job, but would hate and would still be precarious.

The work is satisfying but the field has eroded and it is getting worse. But I've been unemployed and I nearly mentally crumbled, it is a terrible feeling to not be out being productive and having a social relationship with other working people. I've had minimum wage jobs as an adult too, and they are soul-crushing in a different way.

 

loli phabay

(5,580 posts)
7. I think it also depends on the individual as well, my wife is a stay at home mom
Tue Jul 17, 2012, 12:11 AM
Jul 2012

a decision we made once we got married, she loves being a stay at home mom and having time when the creatures are at school to do her own thing. She is a very confident woman and is comfortable in who she is and i have no doubt that she could easily make her own way without to much difficulty.

LaurenG

(24,841 posts)
8. I still have trouble with this
Tue Jul 17, 2012, 10:35 AM
Jul 2012

As far as work goes I think its a double edged sword, I am a supervisor to many people and I have my share of angry finger pointers. Their accusations, which are usually about how they would do things differently. (usually something that makes life easier for them at the expense of others.) I have a supervisor above me who thinks I do a really good job and tells me constantly, so it makes the grumps easier to deal with. That part is a great confidence builder.

I have people I trust irl and on the internet and they help me with my confidence. They may disagree with me but they are kind about it, I trust them and it doesn't feel bad to have someone say "I disagree, I think you're wrong".

I get a big boost at home as well.

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