This thread on Reddit has taken the internet by storm, for good reason. People want to talk about this. You are welcome to comment here if you like, as long as you stay within the Statement of Purpose pinned to the top of our board. We welcome a variety of viewpoints but expect posts to the group to begin from a point of view acknowledging the need for equal rights for women.

It's hard to imagine a more difficult topic to discuss than rape, and the posts on Reddit are all over the place. Some of the posters sound genuinely remorseful. Others sound like they are pretending to be remorseful but aren't, and still others sound like sociopaths who are not remorseful at all. Some of the posts sound fake to me, but it's impossible to tell for sure.

I can understand why victims of rape would find it very difficult or impossible to read the posts. The internet makes it possible for us to read things like this. Is that helpful? Can we as a society use this information to make things better?

It's hard for me to imagine what their explanations would be.

In some cases there seems to be real introspection, others not so much. That said, it was bold of Reddit to host this thread and if reading it helps others cope with their own histories, I'll be thankful.

IMHO the more interesting tales on that thread are from people who talk about relatives and friends who have raped. Knowing rapists who have been convicted and still not taking responsibility for their actions is incredibly frustrating but more so when the perpetrator's a child molester and his family acts as if there's no need to worry about that person being around other children.

The worst rapist/child molester that I've known raped more at least a half dozen women and repeatedly molested at least five girls in his own family. He was never charged because the adult women excused his behavior because he was drunk and the girls were all family members in what we later learned was a multi-generational family of sexual abusers. The head of the family was also a pillar of the community. AFAIK no one in this family has ever been brought up on charges. I know that two of the girls confronted him as a young adults. All that it got them was shunning by the family and badmouthing in the community.

I agree with yardwork. This is perhaps one of the hardest topics to have an open conversation about. There are deep seated feelings surrounding this subject that make it likely impossible to have an honest discussion about.

I've only ever been raped by my ex-husband. But that was just one part of the abuse he perpetrated on me. In the end, when the arrests came about, the prosecutors wanted to press marital rape charges in addition to the 5 counts of assault and battery. I declined because I knew that it would just be dredged up again and that wasn't even the worst thing he had ever done to me.

I do, however, think that saying "would be rapists" is wrong. Sex is a natural human activity... men who ended up in situations where they were far into the sexual activity before they realized that their partner didn't want to continue AND STOPPED... they are just men... not "would be rapists".

It's tough to read, and being unmoderated and a free for all, it's not really a safe space. I understand the good motives behind it, I'm just not sure that's the place, or the way, to have the conversation. I had to give up after about 20 minutes.

I guess my question is, is understanding intent really necessary to undoing oppression?

Ugh... I only lasted about 2...

I wasn't convinced by the samples she quoted and thought maybe I was missing some context. I still don't see how she came to her conclusions, that this is somehow healing. I think most women who have experience with sexual violence know that it's not just creeps in dark parking lots, etc.

I just don't get how understanding a rapist's motives stops the problem. It's a crime of domination and control. We've collectively tried to understand murderers' motives for decades too, but does dialogue from murderers really bring healing? I don't know...

You ask if understanding murderers' motives brings healing. Good question. As he neared his execution, Ted Bundy claimed that pornography made him into a serial killer. A lot of people think that he was lying about that. They think it was something he told his psychiatrist to get sympathy and attention. The guards in the prison said that he didn't even look at pornography. So maybe, probably, Ted Bundy was lying about why he killed, just one more game he was playing, one more way to manipulate people. Nothing whatsoever about that is healing.

Reading some of the posts at the Reddit link I got the same feeling. Some of those people are lying. Some of them are exaggerating. How can we tell which is genuine or not? Hard to find anything really valuable in this, imo.

A lot of these could be creepy fantasy scenarios. That would be gruesome, but there's no way to control for that in an anonymous format.

Your point about Bundy rocks. The shit he said was probably even more terrible for victims' families.

I don't see anything valuable in this either.