Your emotional health matters. Screw the anti-addiction people. I am addicted to air. I ain’t giving it up, no matter how many times they tell me that addictions are bad.

-Laelth

I had to create ways for me to not think about the binge in order to break the cycle. I had to learn to respect my self and love the person in the mirror enough to let me live through the delay. It is hard to do when you are constantly beating yourself up and blaming yourself for your addiction to the food it is not your fault, you are a good person. I had to face the fact that I did not like the way I felt after the purge cycle and that it was unhealthy for me and could damage my health in unseen ways.

I had to love myself, I can not stress this enough. You are a good person who deserves to be happy and deserves to be loved.

I had to realize that I am a good person and deserve to be happy. There is no guilt or shame that I need to heap on my shoulders because I am sick and I can get better if I practice good eating habits and learn to delay the binge cycle. Eating three meals a day and allowing myself snacks in between was critical to my healing. I learned to cook. I watched YouTube cooking videos as a delay tactic and used the virtual food as a way to eat without actually eating. It helped to subdue the craving and minimize the effect. Learning to cook gave me the ability to spend time making food that was good that I could eat. It was also a delay tactic as cooking takes time and effort and gives me a sense of pride and accomplishment.

I can not heal you. But I can love you and offer you hope. You are a good person. You are trying to be a better person, that is obvious. I am proud of you for reaching out and putting it all on the line. It is why I decided to put my story out here. I want to help. I've been there. I will always be a bulimic. I am in remission. I struggle daily and have to constantly practice what I have learned.

Please feel free to reach out to me anytime. I will do my best to reply.

cayugafalls

food more, and the idea of the hamster wheel seems tolerable at those times, or I lie to myself and say I can make it work.

You are right on the self-love and validation. Always empty, always seeking, never believing if someone actually says what I long to hear. I was in a good place for a short time a few years ago, with the right meds and hard work I know I can get back there if I choose to.

Thank you so much!

You seem to have many friends here at DU that care for you.

I am new here at DU and I was hesitant to speak out because I am not completely well myself. I am still in therapy and struggle daily and I did not know how I would react to putting that online. I am ok, but I noticed my mood today was more somber and reflective, so I need to focus on the positive and watch some silly videos and focus on positive thoughts.

One day at a time. Mostly, one hour at a time. I am online most of the time, lurking at DU, posting and watching videos, reading articles, distracting myself and posting.

I know you can do it.

Chin up. Stay strong!!