I just decided to quit; drinking and smoking at the same time.

No meetings, no promises, no appeals to higher powers. Ending addiction, for me, had to come from the inside; I saw it as a personal battle. The problems that sustained my addictions are partly genetic (I come from a long line of alcoholics) and are still present, but I haven't had a cigarette or a drink since I made my decision.

After a few months the benefits from being sober became apparent enough to sustain sobriety without feeling like I was in a battle for my life. It took maybe a couple of years before I trusted myself that I would not backslide. Now the biggest problems I deal with are the guilt from being such an asshole when I was drinking, I haven't gotten past that, and the guilt still haunts my dreams. I have learned to deal with it.

Good luck with your goals. Use what ever tools that suit your personality. If group support helps, take it. Be assured, you can win, and the victory is sweet. I got a brand new life at age 50. Life is good.

In a way, I wish I had made the commitment to stop drinking. My family did an intervention and way back in my brain I say, "well, you guys decided I needed to quit drinking, not me." I know it's for the better. I was an evening drinker and just got sloppy drunk. I didn't have any childhood issues or anything that I was trying to self medicate over. I just liked getting buzzed. It's taken me a while, but I now know it's for the best. I sort of wish I could get buzzed a couple nights a week, but that's just not practical. Like they say, 1 drink is too much and 10 isn't enough.

You can't beat yourself up over the past. I embarrassed myself almost every time I got hammered. But you have to move on. A friend gave me some advice that I remind myself about often: Don't focus on who you were, but who you want to be. I think my kids are finally proud of their dad!

had little success out-rationalizing my issues, so I'm adding some trauma therapy to deal with the emotional stuff. That said, smart and Rd are great for support!

The meeting I go to most is Alex Cs wed night one, but with summer coming on I'll be doing more. I'm JenH71 there and at Dharma.

That's the one based on Buddhist principles, right? I need to look into it since I'm a Buddhist at heart.

the cognitive, dharma for the emotional. I prefer the crosstalk of smart, but dharma's meditations are restful.

I attended AA mainly because of my area; you can't spit on Long Island without hitting a meeting. When I got used to zoom, I was able to attend more dharma based recovery meetings. There are a few Refuge Recovery meetings I like very much. Dharma recovery, to me, places more emphasis on peace within yourself than obsessing on the "time" one has. I find that paradoxical in AA; One Day at a Time is drilled into your head in one aspect and a meticulous day count in another.

Please don't get me wrong. I am not trying to be overly critical of AA; it works for a LOT of people and was invaluable to me especially in my early sobriety. I wound up needing something more to maintain it, however.