I know the day will come when I'll get a call that he's in the hospital with some sort of self-induced organ failure, or that he's dead. I used to be so angry that he was doing this to himself, but now I'm just very sad.

A magnum a night is overdoing it though.

It's frustrating, too, that he always spends so much of the time that he visits either drunk or hung over. In the past that has been a point of contention, but I didn't allow myself to take any negative tone with him on this visit. In spite of everything, this visit was better than those in years past because I controlled my own attitude. He lives 1400 miles away, so I don't get see him often enough, and I decided that I don't want any precious time with him to turn into a fight.

After 25 years of being a ‘functional’ alcoholic she spiraled out of control after retiring and suffering the loss of her boyfriend and dog within a year.

Finally she agreed she needed help. She has been sober (as far as I know) for nearly 2 years. You just never know if/when they will be open for help. She had to really hit rock bottom.

💕💕💖💖💖

Like your sister, she has been dry for about two years. Her doctor told her she was going to die if she didn't stop. She had a few slips when she first started trying to quit, but now seems to be doing well. She told me today that she wanted so badly to tell her brother the things that she now knows, but she knows he won't listen.

I don't know what "rock bottom" is. To me, it's just a step above death. My daughter came pretty close multiple times. Something finally got through to her.

I meant to say "brother", not "son".

On a good note, my daughter's son is 20 years old now, and because of what he experienced with his mom's addiction to alcohol, he lives a clean life. No drinking or drugs. I'm so proud of him.

Begging and nagging didn't help, so I'm just going to love him.

Is the Sinclair method (used in the ultra-sensible Nordic states).

It uses a common drug (naltrexone) which is known to stop cravings. You take it and gradually stop craving much alcohol. People really wane themselves off alcohol while still being able to have a glass at dinner or out with friends.

You might read about it here, and suggest that he consider it. He has to of course think it would be good to cut back. But there's a real relief in hearing, "You don't have to go cold turkey. You don't have to abstain."

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/04/the-irrationality-of-alcoholics-anonymous/386255/

He has no desire to quit, or even cut back, at this point. Maybe he'll feel differently at some point.

Thank you.

When the only "accepted" alternative is total abstinence, a lot of people will balk. I have a friend who is a chef, and drinking isn't just social for him. He needs to be able to taste wine to recommend it and cook with it.

In that case, the Sinclair method lets them choose when and why to drink, and how to stop.

It just seems more sensible, and also means drinking too much isn't presented as a moral flaw.

This also supposedly works with carbohydrate craving, which is a more common problem!

He has lived in the same place for quite a few years, and has somehow been able to keep the same job. He sort of keeps separate from his siblings, but he calls me every month or so.

I take what I can get, and don't push anything with him.

and the most likely outcome is institutionalization, hospitalization, or worse. Just keep the thought that for him, your love might be his sole bright spot, the single best thing he has. The outcome is on him, but part of his journey is on you.

He was a raging alcoholic. His doctor told him it would kill him if he didn't stop drinking So he said, "What if I just drink beer?" His doctor said okay. So he proceeded to drink a case a day! It killed him, of course.