...but a major component is acknowledging some sort of "higher power", whether it be god, fate or the flying spaghetti monster. You get to choose.

A lot of people struggle with that concept - I did (nicotine anonymous). If you just go along with it and not fight it, it works.

On the plus side, you can meet some great people in 12-step groups. Folks who are actively working together to improve their lives and help each other. People with addictions benefit from having that kind of support to replace the addicted groups they have been a part of .

It generally takes multiple attempts. You might also want to check out Al-Anon, which helps families of alcoholics learn how to not enable the addictions.


Good luck to both of you!

vaping for the 'high' then alcohol to bring her down; repeat till it's a 12 pack of PBR a night which is all she can afford.

A lot of kids have their first smoke before their first drink.

I attended my 12-step group in a church which hosted all of the 12steps - alcohol, narcotics, sex addicts, etc.

Sometimes, folks would come to the wrong room looking for AA or NA. When they realized we were smokers anonymous, they would flee from the room so fast they left skid marks at the door. Some in my group had been through the other groups and said that nicotine/smoking was the hardest of all the addictions to overcome.

I can't vouch - never had the other addictions. But judging by the folks who came to the wrong room, quitting smoking terrified them.

It certainly could have religious implications, I suppose.

It does look addictive, though.

Nanobot (Havana Parody) A Capella Science ft. Dorothy Andrusiak

I recently loss my niece to alcoholism. She was a bright, beautiful young woman but just couldn’t stop drinking. Her mother refused to acknowledge there was a problem until it was much, much too late. The more you know about alcoholism and addiction the better position you will be in to support your daughter in sobriety. People there know what resources are available in your community.

Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

This might be verging on preachy.

Alternatively, this could be translated as

Step 1: Your life is messed up.

Step 2: Outside help is available.

Step 3: Be willing to accept outside help.

A counselor works better.
My opinion.

AA has been far better for me than anything else. This is something I can stay with for the rest of my life. And will.

the drugs I was taking. quit the drugs, moved on and never looked back. I had friends that kept going to meetings for years, talking about it until they relapsed.
I know it works for many and not others. Depends on the person and the cause of the addiction. One size doesn't fit all. I don't think talking about drugs for the last 30 years would have helped me.
Hope it works for you.

In AA. He stays because helping others helps him. Some day, I hope to be there. In the meantime, I'm still learning.

I suggest you audition several different groups in your area. Each group has its own personality; some can be heavy on religion and very preachy, others not all. After attending a meeting or two, you can decide whether you feel comfortable with the group dynamics and other attendees.

I suggest you sample at least a couple to see how they differ. I just hated a couple of groups, thought they were doing more harm than good. Finally found an adult children of alcoholics group that worked for me, though my parents did not drink.

My experience is from 40+ years ago.

You may be better off attending an open AA or NA meeting to get a better perspective on the entire problem.. Maybe try both..

As far as religion goes they pretty much use the same ideas as AA in recognizing a higher power, but that does not necessarily mean religion...

Personally I am an atheist and made it fine in AA just ignoring the religious aspects of the program...

catholic church, presbyterian church or methodist church? Seems all the meetings are held at a church.

If you're in an area with multiple meetings, check out several. The group dynamics can be extraordinarily different from group to group.

And groups are run my group members, not anyone associated with the buildings they use. I think so many are in churches because they are the ones with rooms available to rent... at a cost that is affordable.

....but I do have experience with Alcoholics Anonymous. I believe they are based upon the same principle, and I have to say, Alcoholics Anonymous' reference to a higher power is code for God. One doesn't have to get very far to understand that. Whenever I attended an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, it felt as if I was stuck in the movie Groundhog Day. It was just a bunch of people, chain drinking coffee, and telling the same sad stories to the same people day after day. I was in treatment at the VA at the time and I convinced my counselor to exempt me from those meetings which I viewed as a 100% waste of time. My rehabilitation consisted of hard work, small peer group meetings, counseling without any references to religion, and a semi controlled environment. It's worked out well for 11 years so far, and I receive all the support I need from my family.
I would suggest exploring non-religious, peer-based alternatives consisting of small group meetings. 8 to 10 people in a group is more intimate, and compelling than any large-scale group.
One question. How does your daughter get through a full day of classes without drinking. If she can do this, she's not an alcoholic.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.thestar.com/amp/life/2014/03/28/alcoholics_anonymous_has_a_terrible_success_rate_addiction_expert_finds.html

Snip
"Dr. Lance Dodes is the most recent to wade into this debate in a new book, The Sober Truth: Debunking the Bad Science behind 12-Step Programs and the Rehab Industry. Dodes combed through more than 50 studies and found that the success rate for Alcoholics Anonymous is between 5 and 10 per cent, which he calls one of the worst in all of medicine.

“I’m not trying to eliminate AA,” says Dodes, the former director of substance abuse treatment at Harvard’s McLean Hospital. “I’m just saying it should be prescribed to that tiny group who can make use of it. It’s terribly harmful when you send 90 per cent of the people for the wrong treatment advice.”

Based on what I saw over winter & spring break - staying up until 4am, sleeping till 4p, a 6 pk/night, I'd be surprised. Since her bank account is linked with ours I can see her expenses. EVERY-SINGLE-NIGHT there's a debit at either Kroger or Publix. However, in fairness, she lives with her boyfriend so it's for two. When she was home a couple of weeks ago her face was swollen and she did not look well. She should be graduating from college this spring in political science but has said it will be another year before she graduates. If, on the other hand, it is just relaxing with a few and she enrolls in classes over the summer (i.e invited back for another semester), I will buy her a 6 pack.


P.S. She dropped out of her bowling class cause you had to go to the bowling ally. She probably got there and the instructor told them no drinking during class.

It's a spiritual program, not necessarily a religious one.

But some groups have religious people in them, who express their spirituality using religious terms.

If it bothers you, try other groups.

You can also be honest about finding religiosity and preachiness bothersome, and see how the group responds to that.

But if you need regular contact with people who know exactly what you're going through, and have found ways to cope, and are willing to share their experience, strength, and hope, Alanon is not only your best bet, but it's free. (Although groups are self-supporting, and do seek donations to meet expenses like meeting space and coffee supplies, etc., no one is forced to contribute.)

One of the best deals around.

Hang in there, and good luck.

encouragingly,
Bright

both are organized under AA World Services. This "Preamble" is read at the start of many meetings around the world and summarizes the overall primary purpose:

Here's Al-Anon's FAQs page and it has that very question as the first one on their list: https://al-anon.org/newcomers/faq/

Quote:

On a personal level, even after about ten years of sobriety, I attended some Al-Anon meetings to achieve some relief from some friends and relatives with bad drinking problems. That was very benificial as it allowed me to see my disease from the viewpoint of spouses and other friends and relatives that suffer from our misbehavior.

Home page: https://al-anon.org/

The founders of AA and Al-Anon came to realize early on in the 1930s that a rigid, controlling umbrella organization would simply never work with a bunch of human alcoholics because our egos would screw it up. Therefore, every group is allowed to be antonymous and set their own norms so long as their activities do not harm the AA organization. If you visit a meeting that has allowed religion to permeate their activites, please find another. I do encourage you to ask for a few member's phone numbers so you have people to call when your daughter's behavior is causing you stress. Please remember that just like me writing this post, helping others is key to our staying sober.

IMO, the best thing you can do for your daughter is provide love and emotional support and stability and simply be a guiding light, not a "fixer". As a parent or any relative, the worst thing we can do is to continue being an enabler of their addiction. I've been the friend of many a drunk that at one time came home after a bender to find all their clothes piled in their front yard and locks to their house changed.

Best of luck and please keep us posted on her progress of surrender and your progress with letting go.


KY.........

The whole God thing bugged me about AA. This organization uses a scientific approach to addiction and recovery. I'm not knocking AA. Whatever works. But if it sounds interesting, check out their website. And you can sit in on Zoom meetings and just listen .

https://www.smartrecovery.org

The group I attended was a pretty diverse one, male and female, those from Alateen and senior citizens and those who have belonged for years and those who are new and looking for help.

My AA sponsor also started in Alanon, first joined to support a friend and was convinced that she needed AA. And she was not in the least religious, and Alanon worked for her. I think AA has what you're looking for since everyone joins for their own reasons, same as AA. I've met religious people in AA, though the majority these days just want help staying sober - and that's also been my experience with Alanon, people show up looking for advice and support.