Cancer, Cancer, and More Cancer & Other Traumatic Events
Last edited Fri Oct 21, 2022, 08:49 PM - Edit history (1)
Some of you may recall my posting a couple of years ago about my father and then last year my husband having cancer. I appreciated the support I received from DUers.
I haven't been on DU much since then, and when I was I pretty much stayed away from this group. So, maybe I have no business asking anyone here to care about my story. And I don't know how to make a long story short. Still, I want to share it. So here goes...
I don't have cancer myself. At least that I know of. But cancer has deeply affected my life. Here's a timeline, including the other more-or-less traumatic events, as well as the cancer involved.
2019 Fall--Setting the Scene: On a trip to Ireland for my brother's son's wedding, my brother verbally abused my parents, and, especially my husband and me. He also physically attacked my husband. This wasn't the first of my brother's out-of-control, abusive incidents. I chose to stay away from him, which caused much criticism of me and division in the family.
2020
COVID-19 disrupts all our lives in many ways both great and small, including disagreement among family members about COVID precautions.
Fall through Winter
My mother's only sister dies unexpectedly from no-one-seems-to-know-exactly-what but most likely Alzheimer's
December 26th: My brother--yes, that brother: my parents' only son and my mother's favorite child, no matter what she says-- suffers a fatal fall from a scissors lift, witnessed by his two your-adult sons.
-His widow bans me from his funeral causing more family divisions
2021
April
-a prostatectomy, which turned out to have been far less successful than we first understood
(meanwhile, the cancer was found to have spread to his pubic bone)
-radiation therapy, which apparently no one knows how successful it was
-Androgen Deprivation Therapy (ADT), which has many serious potential side-effects
2022
Winter
My husband continues on ADT, despite side effects causing some definitely bothersome & some potentially serious issues
My dentist extracted a back molar which I don't actually believe needed extraction and which has disrupted my speech and oral comfort
Spring
One of my mother's two remaining brothers dies of no-one-seems-to-know-exactly-what
Late Summer to Fall
After emerging from a not-uncommon-for-me episode of deep depression, I had a burst of energy and positivity. My husband and I joyfully worked together on various labor-intensive chores in our yard and gardens. We were sure we'd accomplish all of our main goals and move on to conquer the years-long-accumlated clutter inside our house by late fall.
BOOM! Suddenly, my back got touchy, as it has so often before. This time, however, it decided no amount of ice, stretching, or chiropractic treatment was going to resolve it. In fact, it's caused severe pain and I've developed a related malady I'd never hear of--foot drop. My fantastic PCP set up & urged me to go to a STAT appointment with a neurosurgeon who ordered a STAT MRI. After which, the STAT just disappeared. I had to wait 4 days to see him for follow-up. The thing about foot-drop is that the longer you have it, the less likely it will be cured. It's been two months now.
The neurosurgeon somewhat cavalierly suggested TLIF surgery, involving lots of hardware, spine immobilization, and a long recovery period. I'd prefer a surgery that simply decompresses the L-5 Nerve root, and skips the fusion, but that seems not to be an option.
Fortunately she lives on Long Island and was quickly admitted to a Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. She was diagnosed with Stage IV Uterine Cancer that appears to have metastasized to her liver, lymph nodes, lungs, etc. She's had had her second round of chemo which was supposed to shrink enough of her tumors to ready her for complete hysterectomy and removal of just about everything in her abdominal cavity. Turns out more chemo is deemed necessary first.
As for my lesser, yet still very disturbing problem, a second-opinion surgeon spends far more time analyzing my case an recommends what he says is a far superior option: TDR (Total Disk Replacement), which he says Medicare will definitely cover it. No fusion! I rejoice!
Two days after a promised call to set up the surgery doesn't come, despite our repeated attempts to contact the PA in charge of this, we finally getting a return call saying, Oooops, Medicare won't cover disk replacement for people over 60. The doctor will do an ALIF, with single-level fusion.
Surgery has since been twice scheduled & canceled, blamed on OR fuck-ups beyond anyone's control. I spend today awaiting a promised 9am phone call with a new surgery date that never came, despite my calling twice.
I'm supposed to call my grieving 84-yo mother, but can't seem to bring myself to burden her again with my fear, frustration, and fury. Not to mention my tears. Nor can I imagine calling and keeping that crap to myself.
Believe it or not, there are countless relevant details I've omitted. And what the hell anyone is supposed to say in response to all of that, I have no clue. But if anyone has made it this far, thanks for hanging in there.
= new reply since forum marked as read
And to have your own surgery on top of all of that. Stay as strong as you can. Positive vibes
My psychiatrist retired last year and my new insurance doesn't cover my long-time psychologist. I've yet to find new ones. COVID caused my yoga studio to close and I never managed to get myself to practice at home. I know I have to pull myself out of this spiral. But sometimes it just doesn't seem impossible.
Still, even though I've been very dangerously deep into depression before, I'm not quite there at this point. So maybe there's hope.
Thanks for the positive vibes and virtual hug. Truly.
What a few years you have had. I am sending you the very best vibes and energy I can muster! I literally cannot imagine the stress and losses you have endured. Grab husband’s hand and hold on to each other 💖💖💖💖💖.
because of my back problems and foot drop. I was able to, just barely, handle it last night. He had to hire someone to fill in for me tonight. I hope to be up to it again tomorrow night, the last night of the three-night-long gig.
So strange that to look at him you would have not idea he has cancer.
Many thanks for your kind words.
You have to be so Strong to Brave all your Challenges for your Family! 
And, You are!💙💙💙
Actually, I do know that others have faced worse challenges than I have. And I have many advantages many others don't. Still, it doesn't help a lot to know that when you're feeling you can't manage to handle your own challenges.
Thanks for the kind words. Thanks for the lovely card!
you are more testament..
:
is just about the funniest person I've ever known!
Not sure it's medicine, but it certainly is a salve!
Thanks for your kind words.
Good grief, you've had a lot of issues & loss. 💔
Yale is offering their verh popular Science of Well Being course free:
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Those who have tried it said they felt better after watching the 1st video, which is availabld immediately after signing up.
I have foot drop ongoing as well but, fortunately it is getting better on its own.
Have you tried physical therapy?
Hugs to you!
I actually did take your advice and took that course once a few years ago. I don't believe I got the relief some others have, but maybe I'll try it again. If I can squeeze it in. I am so overwhelmed with still sorting through the bills from my husband's cancer treatments. I finally finished our 2021 taxes two nights ago because I was trying to itemize our medical expenses. I know they would put our deductions higher than the standard deductions, but I just can't document them all because neither Medicare nor his supplement give a spreadsheet. You have to wade through every single EOB.
I'd applied for an extension in April, electronically, and it got to the IRS 3 minutes late so they denied me the extension. Fortunately, at this point, we're getting a refund. But not as much as I believe we deserve. I'm not sure I can bear to go back in and try to find all of our medical expenses so I can amend.
Sitting at my computer is really painful with this back flare-up...
I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with foot drop! I'm glad it's getting better!
I haven't tried formal physical therapy, but I've been doing the recommended exercises at home. My surgeon claims he expects my diversification to return right after surgery, but other sources say the nerve root has been compressed too long. It's been just about 8 weeks!
Anyway, thanks for the kind words!
Nice to see you posting again!
So sorry to hear you are in such pain. 😢
I sure hope your doc can fix it.
Give the coirse another try. Maybe you will find resonance this time.
Glad you are getting a refund.
I sure hope things go more smoothly for you from now on.
I'm just so overwhelmed, its hard to know from day to day, or hour to hour, how high or low my mood, energy, etc., will be like.
I will keep you posted.
Pls stay in touch.
and find this has been a terrible nightmare.
I have been telling my husband I need to find an acupuncturist who accepts Medicare and knows how to code it correctly. I'm pretty sure my condition qualifies as long as the code is right. Even if it doesn't work for anything else, I actually love the feeling of the needles in me. It's very relaxing!
Cannabis does pretty much the opposite of what it does for many of my family and friends. It amplifies every pain in my body and makes me think of terrible things. Bummer, because friends are always giving my husband gummies. They work for him, so I'm glad he has them all to himself.
Thanks again.
I wish we had heart smilies on DU. I'm on my PC keyboard with no emojis, but I send hearts to you and everyone who's taken the time to reply to my tale of woe.
I did manage to get some sleep fro 8:30am to 1:30pm today. Woke & spoke to my mom & then texted with a friend. Am just now (5:15 pm Eastern Time) trying to get up and do something. We shall see how that goes.
Thanks again for the reply! 🌞