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Sparkly

(24,253 posts)
Sun Aug 4, 2024, 12:52 AM Aug 4

Treading water, but still alive

Hi all!

I hope you're managing your journeys -- knowing each of ours is completely different.

A year ago, I'd completed chemotherapy (stage III-B endometrial cancer, of a highly aggressive sort - "very likely" to come back somewhere else, they can't say when). Then I had a late summer and early fall of daily pelvic radiation that was pretty devastating. I still feel the effects of that sometimes and need to go back on steroidal meds.

Meanwhile, I'd already had osteoporosis starting at a relatively young age (I had to ASK a doctor for the DEXA-scan, and sure enough!), and cancer/treatments have made it worse. My bones are like toothpicks, apparently. A few days ago, I broke my ankle. Now I'm in a boot for 8-12 weeks AND on crutches for now...

I was a dancer, choreographer, teacher, so this is very frustrating. Today we were clearing out some old spaces and came across a tote bag from not so long ago that included my dance slippers/soles, bobby pins and big hair claws for the abundant hair I used to have, little teaching props, etc. Even though I'm old, I could have kept going quite awhile longer, had it not been for cancer.

I try to see it from the other side....

I'm aware that every day is a blessing. I live 3 months at a time between CT-Scans. I have a few inches of hair I didn't have a year ago (I like to think it's sort of Ava Gardner?) but it's not the same hair I always had. I doubt I'll live long enough to have that again, but hey, it's not bad hair!?

My body's deterioration has meant a downfall in my career, but I hope to live long enough to prioritize that again, and create work. (I'm also a pianist, writer, composer.)

Best of all, I have lived long enough to see my daughter (for whom I sacrificed a lot, due to her disorder) have a healthy child!! I'd given up on the possibility to the point it feels like a miracle.

Here's hoping for miracles for all of us -- and all of your loved ones!!

34 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Treading water, but still alive (Original Post) Sparkly Aug 4 OP
Oh GOODNESS, Sparkly! elleng Aug 4 #1
Keep up hope. New treatments continue to evolve question everything Aug 4 #2
I believe in miracles. LoisB Aug 4 #3
What a moving post, sparkly. cilla4progress Aug 4 #4
Miracles are blessings, beveeheart Aug 4 #5
Dancers are strong Laurelin Aug 4 #6
Sparkly your strength in life is gracefully inspiring. Bluethroughu Aug 4 #7
Hurray for your progress and the joy of a grandchild! MLAA Aug 4 #8
I asked about that! Sparkly Aug 4 #24
I broke my foot the night before my husband was to have heart surgery. MLAA Aug 4 #26
Wow!!! Sparkly Aug 4 #28
Oh yes, that was about 4 years ago. Thanks for asking! MLAA Aug 5 #33
Stay hopeful Lifeafter70 Aug 4 #9
I'm so sorry. Sparkly Aug 4 #25
Thank you Lifeafter70 Aug 5 #32
good luck to you Hamlette Aug 4 #10
Thank you for your post people Aug 4 #11
Keep treading. Solly Mack Aug 4 #12
❤️ littlemissmartypants Aug 4 #13
🌈🪷💕 Hekate Aug 4 #14
You are touching people you don't even know and will never meet BaronChocula Aug 4 #15
I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this. HeartsCanHope Aug 4 #16
. KS Toronado Aug 4 #17
Thank you for your post. murielm99 Aug 4 #18
Sending you hope sortasvenska7 Aug 4 #19
That's amazing!! Sparkly Aug 4 #27
You've been through so much and you've still got your face to the sun, looking to the future. You are amazing. chia Aug 4 #20
I wish you nothing but babylonsister Aug 4 #21
Very sorry to hear what you have gone through. spooky3 Aug 4 #22
Thanks for all the kind words. Sparkly Aug 4 #23
You're an inspiration, Sparkly. wordstroken Aug 4 #29
What a wonderful inspiration!!! DarthDem Aug 5 #30
💫 Sparkly💫 blm Aug 5 #31
I'm sorry, Sparkly XanaDUer2 Aug 5 #34

Laurelin

(604 posts)
6. Dancers are strong
Sun Aug 4, 2024, 01:20 AM
Aug 4

It's obvious from your post that you are. Enjoy the blessing of your grandchild. I'm sending you prayers and positive thoughts.

Bluethroughu

(5,583 posts)
7. Sparkly your strength in life is gracefully inspiring.
Sun Aug 4, 2024, 01:20 AM
Aug 4

I hope you live as long as you'd like too, creating, teaching and dancing a bit after the boot is removed.

MLAA

(18,160 posts)
8. Hurray for your progress and the joy of a grandchild!
Sun Aug 4, 2024, 01:26 AM
Aug 4

Just a quick thought, I’ve had a fracture in my foot and due to other ortho issues couldn’t use crutches very well so I got a knee scooter that made it very easy to get around and less precarious for me.
Sending hugs.

Sparkly

(24,253 posts)
24. I asked about that!
Sun Aug 4, 2024, 11:38 PM
Aug 4

When I went from the "splint" (no weight on the foot -- exhausting) to the "boot" (partial weight, but still crutches), I wanted a knee scooter or wheelchair -- anything but the agony of crutches on one leg! The doctor said partial weight was better for the sake of building bone density, and prescribed vitamin D... It hurts like mad, but here's hoping!

MLAA

(18,160 posts)
26. I broke my foot the night before my husband was to have heart surgery.
Sun Aug 4, 2024, 11:42 PM
Aug 4

I broke it going into the hospital after running home to pick up some items before he was transferred to another local hospital for surgery. Then new hospital is the largest one story hospital in the country so I really needed that scooter. I could really fly on it over the smooth hospital floors. It was a life saver for me. Hang in there!

Lifeafter70

(312 posts)
9. Stay hopeful
Sun Aug 4, 2024, 01:34 AM
Aug 4

I know it's hard to always stay positive when dealing with cancer. In 2016 my middle son was diagnosed with 1VB Adnoeid Cystic Carcinoma. That had encased his cartoid artery. He had two surgeries within weeks of each other. The second one was a resection of his artery. Than radiation. They couldn't get clear margins because they wanted to save his eyesight. In 2020 the tumor started growing again invading his skull base, they used gamma knife radiation. He is tired but still fighting hoping for a new treatment to come along. Like you he goes for scans every 3 months.


Sending you good vibes and big hug.

Sparkly

(24,253 posts)
25. I'm so sorry.
Sun Aug 4, 2024, 11:41 PM
Aug 4

I know it's so difficult. I hope you and your son have good support around you. The cancer support group here on DU is a good bunch of people.

Thank you, and I'm sending good vibes back at you! ~~~

Lifeafter70

(312 posts)
32. Thank you
Mon Aug 5, 2024, 01:05 AM
Aug 5

We are greatfull the last radiation stopped the progression of his tumor and the ones in his lungs are stable.

Hamlette

(15,475 posts)
10. good luck to you
Sun Aug 4, 2024, 02:04 AM
Aug 4

I had a friend who used to say "only the good die young, you and I are going to live a long, long time." It always made me laugh and for some odd reason I decided to believe her! Get all the mental health you might need and find a way to laugh with that new baby.

people

(664 posts)
11. Thank you for your post
Sun Aug 4, 2024, 02:04 AM
Aug 4

Hope eventually you will be able to return to your music and dancing. And thank you for sharing your daughter"s good fortune to become a mother.

HeartsCanHope

(468 posts)
16. I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this.
Sun Aug 4, 2024, 03:31 AM
Aug 4

I hope for a miracle for you, too. Take care, and you will be in my thoughts.

sortasvenska7

(19 posts)
19. Sending you hope
Sun Aug 4, 2024, 03:58 AM
Aug 4

My mom was diagnosed with an aggressive form of endometrial cancer that was stage 3C in December 2014. 2 Weeks ago she turned 75 and the cancer that she was told would return has never come back and the initial dire prognosis has not occurred. I will never forget my family and I waiting in the post surgery room waiting for her surgeon to speak with us and him relaying to us that the ‘horse was out of the barn’ and she was going to have to fight if she wanted to beat it. Now I understand that every type and stage of cancer is different, but I just wanted to wish you hope!

Sparkly

(24,253 posts)
27. That's amazing!!
Sun Aug 4, 2024, 11:46 PM
Aug 4

Thank you for that family story - it does give me some hope.. If I may ask, did your Mom serous endometrial carcinoma, and did she have a TP53 mutation?

I am so glad to hear she is doing well! Does she still have to go back for scans?

Thanks for your reply!

chia

(2,321 posts)
20. You've been through so much and you've still got your face to the sun, looking to the future. You are amazing.
Sun Aug 4, 2024, 06:04 AM
Aug 4

Wishing you all the best outcomes and possibilities going forward from here, and I hope you can enjoy your new hair, your beloved family, and your creative endeavors for a long time to come. Sending love.

babylonsister

(171,409 posts)
21. I wish you nothing but
Sun Aug 4, 2024, 10:45 AM
Aug 4

miracles, Sparkly. FUCK cancer...I don't know too many families that haven't been touched by it, mine most definitely included.

Sparkly

(24,253 posts)
23. Thanks for all the kind words.
Sun Aug 4, 2024, 11:30 PM
Aug 4

I only meant to whisper in the corner of the "Cancer Support" group, and didn't expect so much attention.

I'm sincerely grateful for your good wishes, understanding, and support. It's good to be among friends.

DarthDem

(5,335 posts)
30. What a wonderful inspiration!!!
Mon Aug 5, 2024, 12:02 AM
Aug 5

You're marvelous. I think you're way above water myself. All of my very best to you!!!

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