Wishing you the best.

Thanks.

I have tried that route many times over the decades. Worse than useless. (This was my experience with trying that. Others experiences may be different.) They were more than ready to toss pills of dubious efficacy down my throat, but never saw anyone and the one time I had to commit myself, I was out the door and never got a followup after my three days were up. Anything other than this costs more than I have ever made in my entire life so, oh well.

I wish you well.

You obviously do! There is no need to be alone. Volunteer work is really needed. Do what makes you happy and if it makes others happy, that's a bonus.

Progressive causes.

Experiencing soul values. Souls are not satisfied by ego values and ego values are what most comprise our culture. Good looks. Money. Houses with that "wow factor." Designer labels. Expensive car. Winners in competitions. Mega churches. The rugged individual. Not all cultures are as shallow and superficial as ours. Is it Bhutan that has a ministry of happiness and whose dedication to the common good squashed Covid?

but here it goes. As a performer of over 40 years, I have done more benefits, ___ Aid, supporting shows, you name it. Yet, now that I need help, where the hell is my benefit?? (Yes, I know. I have heard it before. 'Ask not what your country can do for you' and all that. Well, I am tired of all I have done amounting to crap.) As I stated above, why does it the freaking planet have to shift in its orbit before something can happen? Help always arrives too late, unless you really never needed it in the first place.

I guess you're talking about now needing money. Have you talked with social agencies that would know if you're getting everything you're entitled to? I wish I knew where you should start, but I'm ignorant about that.

In the throes of my rant, I was not clear. I am very happy with my efforts to help others. I was referring to my efforts in life.

I do not have anything to offer on the other parts of your post, but that part resonates with me.

It is as if you are being told “if you aren’t using your time and labor and mental powers to make me or somebody else rich...well, you are useless.”

I reject that mentality whole cloth. I reject “entrepreneurialism” (as practiced in this society, with a focus on the exploitation of others) whole cloth.

I guess I do believe in the old style “shopkeepers” style of things...produce a quality product or service for the local area.

Today’s corporatism demands, dictates, that it provides the least amount of product for the maximum amount of money. Talk about a race to the bottom! A certain path to ruin and collapse.

I believe all of us have an inherent value, other than monetary and other than labor. If you (the royal you) do not, that is a choice you (again, the royal you) yourself have made...trading your soul for a dollar bill.

Just because:

and I am going to die alone and worthless because of it. I also believe in inherent value. Sadly, that is not worth my survival apparently. So, although I agree with you, it appears the people who need to agree with us do not. So...

sending you a big

I guess folks think as long as one can talk about then one isn't "really" crazy,,,, I do hear that you are suffering, are there resources in your town/city? Good luck and please let us know what you've found out.

Those that recognize the societal illness and choose to point out the obvious or separate from a sick culture are considered 'off'. Those that do not see the sickness are the worst off, and also most likely to eschew mental health professionals. We are in a bad place.

I could go on for pages, but instead I will say that you sound like a sane person forced to live within an insane society.

I'm currently reading 'Braiding Sweetgrass' to stay grounded in an upside down world - well, actually listening to the audiobook as I Bobcat about my property moving large rocks.

And our society is a mess. Difficult times for those who are doing well, really tough for those of us who have struggles. They can be physical, financial, or emotional. For dome it is a combo of all 3.

I send you a hug. I know it isn't much, but maybe knowing people do care will help.

all three have been going on for way longer than the past year. Thanks for the hug.

Whatever someone was dealing with before the last year has been magnified a thousand times by all of the issues surrounding the pandemic.

I say this not to argue, but simply to remind you to give yourself some compassion. There are so many good responses here that I have nothing to add.

My life was actually reasonably stable (ups and downs and trauma and pain - but I was dealing with it!!) before the pandemic hit. With the added stress, job loss, fear, isolation, etc., it has become too much for me to even fake that I’m dealing with it like I should. Scares the hell out of me, too, because as you mentioned upthread, unless you’re wealthy, resources are pretty much nonexistent. I’ve had to do some real soul searching to try to understand why I feel like I do, and some of that had been cathartic. Some frightening.

So, I know this isn’t helpful to you, but I just want you to know that there are people still in this world who care about other people. I wish you peace.

What I'm doing might not work for everyone, might not be what you need to hear. I'm 68 now, so picture quite a long time period and a progression of recognizing that sometimes people need help.

I had a sad childhood and family history. I got help for some specific issues, and met 4 different therapists over the years. I had a complete hysterectomy which caused a lot of my emotional problems to get pretty intense and i tried some anti-depressants for a couple of years. I didn't think they helped me, and I decided to just live with how I felt.

One of the big things I live with is the loss by accidents of my 3 brothers. Two of those losses were the root of the depression I have. I read a lot about grief management over the years. The last thing I read was in a women's magazine. A woman who had lost her child said, "Some things are unacceptable." That was what I needed to hear. I will never accept the losses my family suffered. I won't ever find a reason the different accidents happened. But I can live with them now.

As for doing what you wish, whether it brings you wealth or fame, you should answer only to yourself. I was lucky to be married to a man who nurtured and encouraged my dreams. Looking back, I had dreams, but I didn't have plans. As our kids grew, I was able to explore my dreams. Nothing led to a career. I'm not famous for anything I do. But I learned where my talents and abilities lay, and I was willing to try anything. I couldn't have lived as I have without my husband being right there cheering me on. Not all of us are that lucky.
Anyway, thanks to this series of experiences I call my life, I think one of the most important things we can do for ourselves is to do what will make us happy. Try to spend time that care about your happiness. Avoid people who are critical.

Take care of yourself. You have a reason to be here. Until the day you die, you might not know that reason, but you are fulfilling your purpose.

late to this discussion. I sympathize. You are worthy.

you feel like you're screaming and no one hears

You just described my entire life. And, I am finally deciding that it is best to just give it up. Why yell when no one wants to listen? Why even whisper? I tried to be helpful... everyone ignored me. I stopped being helpful... everyone got mad at me. I can't win for losing and I am sick and tired of that being the norm. I will not be missed nor will there be any loss to anyone or anything. Of course, I am too much of a coward to take control of my life to that degree, so I sit and basically decay. I moved to a city that has no use for me, and I cannot leave without leaving the only person who has ever loved me. (I don't have anywhere to go nor anyone to go to if I did.) I have nothing. I have not worked in over seven years. The Fed told me to kiss their ass after a three year battle for disability. And, my beloved was fired over a year ago by a bunch of corporate weasels who took advantage of the pandemic and redesigned their entire model to remove an entire department, of which my honey was a member. Thanks to too many health issues, I am now so useless that I have no hope of ever fulfilling my dreams, which proved to me finally that they were, in fact, dreams... even though I was told I had a chance at them. That was a lie. As I have gotten older, I have discovered that almost all of what I was told was a freaking lie. And, I used to get really angry about it. Now? Why bother? I'm done. The only thing that will happen on the day I am finally granted sweet release is that a few people will dance for joy. A few asshat's bitter sarcasm is the only memorial I will ever hope to have.