Broken

Last edited Sat May 15, 2021, 08:35 AM - Edit history (1)

BROKEN
By Al Garcia

I don’t know what to feel right now. I don’t know how to accept the plight that we’re in right now. The world is in a state of chaos and madness, and I find myself in a state of denial and rejection, and wallowing in self-pity and in thoughts of what could have been or should have been.

Gone is the joy and passion that I used to know, now replaced by the slow and agonizing death of all that used to be. Sleepless nights and endless days, consumed by ways to cease and ease the misery. But still the insanity persists, as I see the empty streets, and as I hear the silence that now surrounds the bare and barren landscape of the remnants of my life.

I think about the days gone by, and about the frivolity and playfulness that used to make each day a joy. I also remember hazy moments and stark realities that jolted my life and my direction. So much time to think and to reflect. So many regrets along the way. So much left unfinished and unspoken. It is days like this, when I feel down and wretched, that I begin to see and feel the insignificance of what I once thought to be more important, and to be more valuable, than the simplicity and the humility of sharing human affection and kindness.

I find myself living in a defining moment. A time when vision, ideas and ingenuity on a global level will determine the life or death of millions, and of our humanity. It is a time of great expectations, anticipations and opportunities. A turbulent and unstable time where we must not remain oblivious to the changing attitudes, outlooks, thoughts and feelings being shared by people and by nations around the world. This is a time when a unifying world mindset is overwhelming the status quo, and a time that may be the beginning of a new chapter in our world history.

This is not the time to circle the wagons in a de facto segregation or isolation. There is no “us” versus “them” mentality involved in the crises we are experiencing. We cannot isolate ourselves inside a cultural, social or political time-warp or bubble, were an invincible virus can be kept outside our gates and out of sight. This is a cataclysmic event that will affect and change life the world over.

And through this sudden, abrupt and massive assault on the life of our humanity, I find myself unable to fully understand or accept the mental stress, anxiety, strain and trauma, or the physical restraints on my ordinary life. And I feel I am not alone. For we were not meant to live our lives hiding from one another, or afraid to touch or feel the beating heart of those that made our lives complete. Life is better than this – we know it, because we have experienced it. We have lived it, and we want to feel again the good, the bad, the laughter and the joy, and the sorrow and the tears that come with ordinary lives in ordinary times.

And to think that this is probably just a simple and mild dress rehearsal of the one and final cataclysmic event the world will see – the unleashing of the dogs of war by nuclear powers determined to obtain superiority and power over dead dreams and ashes blowing in the wind.

I don’t know what to feel right now. I don’t know how to accept the plight that we’re in right now. I just feel broken and alone. And I don’t like the thoughts that invade my mind and make me feel afraid to close my eyes and dream.