individually and corporately has serious detrimental effect on a body.

I desire to stay vertical and be 'okay', but some days I just feel like I'll simply collapse.

But as you have expressed, here we are, it's not great but still not what the Ukrainian people are having to endure. This alone makes me sick inside each waking day.

I'll keep you in my heart for all goodness to be yours. You have that precious baby boy. Think on him! 💛

To work with a Repub. therapist. I hope we will all see better days soon.

Hang in there. We need everyone who gets it. Please don't let events or Republicans win. I would go walking and singing. Breath control and exercise. Anything you can do to help yourself. Ask others who managed their PTSD what they did.

I don't think it is paranoid to distrust a Republican doctor or therapist.
Anyone with basic perception should be able to instantly see what MTG, Jim Jones and Trump are. It should take anyone with the ability to apply perception to psychological training no time at all to realize that Republican leadership is currently dangerous, criminal and insane. This is not a joke. It should be obvious. Anyone thinking might feel like they agree with some Republican views, but they would not choose sanity they disagree with, over raging destructive insanity. Anyone paying attention would see the obvious and start questioning all of their Republican views.

If a person does not immediately understand the need for a mask and chose on their own to wear one, a good one, and wear it correctly, they simply do not have a valid understanding of basic biology and health. They do not have basic compassion. They have no business in medicine. None. They do not belong. They should not be allowed to contact patients and they need to find other jobs since they do not have the basic understanding needed.

I have not even gotten into the empathy, integrity and compassion needed to practice in this field. Right now, anyone who cannot understand the need for a patient to be assured they are fundamentally against everything the current Republican party stands for should not be practicing in the field of psychology.

I don't want to ramp you up, but as you say a blackout is worse than not knowing. If a nurse refuses to wear a mask I expect the surgeon to kick them out of the operating room. It is as simple as that. We are in a pandemic and the evidence is that it is not going to be over soon.

But … I will send you my best strongest virtual hugs


(((((((((hugs)))))))))

Hang in there, dear I_UndergroundPanther

If we can't figure out a way to combat propaganda, it's over for this country. The monied aristocracy wins.

I think to varying degrees, we are all feeling it, Panther!

We need to see some justice. That would perk you right up, I'm sure! Imagine tfg & coconspirators all suddenly being hauled off to gitmo! Unlikely, but it's a happy vision!

You are never alone, Panther. Your sweet Othello is with you & so are all of us!

I go to a day program. Its my rock of sanity and I like the clients there,well most of them.

In my area the wait to even see a therapist in another program is around 9 months.

I have been to the other programs out here and they suck worse. One had clients I couldn't relate to that were stand offish and cliquish.

The other program in my area is run by a tyrant who has to control issues,she micromanages everything and she has flying monkeys that report back everything everyone does, to her.


I was kicked out this program over bullshit .
She asked,no insisted she wanted me to do a mural painting,my design she approved it. As I was painting it she found some nitpicky thing about it she had no issue with before,became verbally abusive about it screaming at me. After she vented her spleen at me, I wasn't going to tolerate that abusive shit, and told her told her how she was treating me was abusive and I ain't gonna tolerate that shit out of you.

She kicked me out for standing up for myself.
She did it in the most cowardly chicken shit way possible.

She hated I would stand up for clients who were mistreated by her. She was a fucking narcissist and the program director too.

So I'm never going back there again.

These are my choices.

The program I am at is the best I can do.
Not many therapists out here take medical assistance. The ones that do the wait list is many months.

They are looking to hire new therapists at my program. When they do hire I will make damn sure I am reassigned.

This is why I dont get another therapist.

Found out overheard she was stealing 100,000 bucks in funds meant for the program.. She's been locked up since and the program is being manages by a totally different company now.That place has too many bad memories..But this scam went really deep,into a peer run program out here. after the director's puppet left I found out when we were cleaning out her office some weird fucking shit,she was involved in a christian based nutrition supplement scam. And she had some weird obsession with me of all people.It was so fucked up.

And there was another incident at a program I was in out here in the 80's. The director who was there when I arrived was talking on the phone one day.As the song I was listening to ended..I was waiting in the lunch line leaning against the office window.The soon to be ex director was talking to some guy about wiring him 125,000 in program funds to the Dominican Republic.I only overheard this scheme because I still had my headphones on.The guy left the program the very next day after I heard this and the next day a new director was his replacement .She was from the Dominican Republic ironically.. I had a great therapist at the time.I told him what I heard from the director the day before he left.I told him my suspicions. He listened to me and said he had to report this. Told him I would be willing to write a statement or witness to what I heard if needed.


Meanwhile the staff who clustered around this new director tormented the fuck out of me,They threatened to kick me out of housing,the program etc. Total intimidation tactics.Such bullshit. Meanwhile the other staff were supportive of me but parsed their words around the director.One supportive staff wrote me a sweet poem I have to this day.
I have all the papers from this whole mess in my files.
Anyway the program was shut down. My therapist at the time put his ass on the line for me. FBI got involved. I was interviewed twice.
When the program shut down he decided to accept my medical assistance so I could see him privately. I had him as my therapist until he retired. I still think about him and wonder how he is or if he is still around.

I always seem to end up where corruption or abuse is occurring in psych settings.Don't know why. Sometimes it seems my life purpose is to stand up against shitty authority.

I have a lot of experiences in this vein going through the years.

Especially regarding the PTSD.

But I don't recommend it.

Then there is the switching out that makes knowing it's even happening even harder. Have dissociative identity. It all sucks mightily.

I have no clue what recovery from my illness would be, let alone knowing what it would mean or feel like.

I wish I had something worthwhile to say to you. I don't. Just know you have others here who can identify with what you are going through and that I wish we all had relief for this.

I hope you are managing to hang in there. I have been doing the same although it gets tough sometimes. Let us know that you are conscious...

I'm starting to hallucinate smells again for sure now. Yesterday I
walked into my art room and it smelled like I put my head inside a freshly used cat box.
I asked Othello did you pee in here? (he has never broke litter before)
He gave me the what the hell are you talking about hooman look.

So I went to get some natures miracle to clean it up.
I came back into my art room ,
and the smell was completely gone.

I dunno what it means.
All I know is I hope I don't get psychotic again.
I have no idea what could be causing it.
I take my meds everyday,
I do not need that kind of shit right now.
Psydoc increased my prazosin last time I saw him
So the nightmares are not an issue anymore

So yeah I'm conscious,dreadfully tired and I'm still around.
Thanks for being here Y'all,seriously.