Mental Health Support

BWdem4life

(2,463 posts) Wed Aug 17, 2022, 11:49 PM Aug 2022

When you invite someone over

like your young niece and nephew, who you rarely get to see (and never at your own place), and your sister says yes and then backs out at the last moment... that can be a pretty crushing thing that sends you to bed for most of the day.

Then the next day your sister posts pics on social media which makes it obvious the last-minute excuse of possible illness was bs..

Well, f--- it. I'm never inviting them over again because I can't deal with that shit.

Maybe I'll stop showing up to their birthday parties too.

9 replies

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Highlight:

When you invite someone over (Original Post) BWdem4life Aug 2022 OP

I would feel the same way. Mickju Aug 2022 #1

It is awful, but if your sister and not the kids made the "sick" excuse, spooky3 Aug 2022 #2

Hard to say who made the excuse BWdem4life Aug 2022 #6

How old are the kids? Is there a political divide between you and sis? lostnfound Aug 2022 #9

... SheltieLover Aug 2022 #3

That was a lousy thing to do. Laffy Kat Aug 2022 #4

don't penalize your niece and nephew for your sister's fucked-up decisions Skittles Aug 2022 #5

I would let time heal this and try again. SleeplessinSoCal Aug 2022 #7

I hate that bullshit vercetti2021 Aug 2022 #8

Mickju

(1,812 posts)

1. I would feel the same way.

Reply to BWdem4life (Original post)

Wed Aug 17, 2022, 11:52 PM

Aug 2022

That's very hurtful and I'm sorry that happened to you.

spooky3

(36,198 posts)

2. It is awful, but if your sister and not the kids made the "sick" excuse,

Reply to BWdem4life (Original post)

Wed Aug 17, 2022, 11:57 PM

Aug 2022

Could you try to maintain a relationship with the kids alone?

BWdem4life

(2,463 posts)

6. Hard to say who made the excuse

Reply to spooky3 (Reply #2)

Thu Aug 18, 2022, 12:16 AM

Aug 2022

They're getting older and more distant.. watched them all summer in 2019, giving up the chance at some temporary income to do so. Then COVID came, and 2 years of no contact at all. This weekend was perfect for swimming (we have a pool). I have in the past asked my sister why they never come and swim, and her reply was that we never invited them. So we invited them. I guess the chance to be a part of their lives is pretty much gone.

lostnfound

(16,634 posts)

9. How old are the kids? Is there a political divide between you and sis?

Reply to BWdem4life (Reply #6)

Thu Aug 18, 2022, 05:38 AM

Aug 2022

I’m very sorry this happened to you.
Depending on the personalities and habits, raising kids can feel like being lost in a maze or a ship lost at sea, and one just tries to survive day to day.
Or partner / spouse may be interfering.
It sucks nd is very rude.

But the nephew especially needs you, or will later. To be a part of their lives, you need a small but regular ritual with them, to keep reminding them what is extended family. It doesn’t have to be in person. For now, you could consider a ritual of friendly funny postcards (the amusing uncle), or send a photo or memory of their uncle/mom/grandparents when young (roots), or encouraging notes (the caring uncle), or little mechanical puzzles and scientific oddities (the scientsy uncle). Not a lot of money, just repeat connections. They may need you LOTS some day, one never knows.

Phases happen. You can and will have a chance again. Just be there for them in a quiet consistent way so they know they can count on you to care, when they need. Non-parent to talk to.

Part of being a parent is seeing past the present and seeing the possibilities of the future. The same is true of being a good uncle.