You did it up back in the day, you were cool, you were happenin'. Us old dudes can't stay cool forever. Hell I can barely sing anymore either. And a dose would probably make me suicidal (for all I know, it's been forever).

Let it go, enjoy another spin of the planet, and find something that gives ya some joy. Maybe pick up the axe and strum or blow or whatever it was you did, just for fun?

Getting old sucks, I'm right there with ya

I read this post and kind of saw myself in your words. You “put everyone to bed” “then I grabbed some sleep”
You and I were “fixers” we took care of all others first, then find the next person we could make smile.
Mr Lewboski is correct. Pick up the guitar, or whatever. And let yourself go.
I have learned this last year, the Fixers, at some point , need to be fixed. We get tired, we just go and go to see a smile. We give and give, we never learned how to take in return.
I got to the point that I had no choice , but to ask for help. Now things are ok here. Hugh and I exchanged a couple emails here. I told him my hands can’t play piano anymore, I can’t sing if I can’t play. He was kinda the fixer for me.
Baldy, you rocked, you played , you fixed, you aged.
There is no shame in asking for a fix.
You earned the fix. You gave.
This world equals out, it is ok now for you to take.
Humbly,
KozandLilBit

I suppose I was a fixer but I always just figured that I had more stamina than the other 'animals'. Also, where I am from, the phrase 'put everyone to bed' means that you stayed awake while everyone else passed out. Of course, I certainly did help others to bed if they needed it. I am still unable to play the guitar or much of anything between my hands and my recently repaired shoulder. I just sit here and try to make it through each day.

I was raised to believe that the better person gives and does not take. I suppose that this is not a decent reflection of reality, but that is where I came from. To ask for help is to go against who I am as a person. Therefore, it is very, very difficult. In addition, I always look on such help as a loan, not as a gift. But, I will never be able to return anything, so taking just makes my skin crawl. I always gave and my expectation was that life would 'look kindly' on those who did this. (For example, there seems to be three types of people when it comes to being around the scene of an accident. One type avoids even looking at the wreck and will drive away quickly if they are able. The second takes out their camera (or phone) and films the entire thing but does not help anyone. The third type are the ones who run to the wrecked vehicle and start either pulling people out or giving aid to those who are already away from the vehicle. I am still not able to understand why those who are the 'run to help' type are the ones who usually get crapped on by life. Is it that human nature demands that we take advantage of those who try to help? Who knows?) Boy, was I wrong!

People always tell me that there is no shame in not being rich and famous. I never wanted that. I wanted to be a success so that I could keep on doing what I loved. To not manage to do this is to fail. Being a failure is infinitely shameful. Especially when one looks at all the reviews from the acting and the singing and the bands... either they all lied to me or.... I wish I knew. But, holidays like this past one only seem to remind me that I should not be here and since I have nothing left to give, to remain is even more shameful.