And still are.

18 years of constant mental abuse just can't be undone. Parents never consider what they do to their own kids that will forever scar them until they day they die.

Keanu Reeves and Diane Wiest.

Because that's kind of how I grew up honestly. Except like I love my mom to death I still do I still love my mom she's my best friend. I never had any desire to want to go live with my father at all and it's true any dick can be a father and she told her son that he had a lousy dad.

I had a male figure in my life though pretty much the entire time I had my grandfather that instilled a lot of his good morals into me and I had my step dad still and he let me explore a lot of different things out there that I never seen before like sports and whatnot.

But it's always really hard to kind of think like you know any man in your life your grandfather and stuff like it doesn't seem to always match like having a father and then your father just hating you mostly your life like wanting to spite your mother because he hated my mom for no reason and he used me to get to her thus damaging me in the process.

And then I went to his house last year completely out of the closet as a trans woman and he rejected me he said he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. And I was expecting it and I made peace with that. He never wanted a son and he definitely did not want a daughter

me and hurt me for decades. Oh, well.....

It triggered a lot of repressed memories I had. I hate decluttering stuff and boom something that reactivates said past memory.

I wish you peace and comfort.

He will get his in the end

But the damage is forever

Damage is only temporary!!!!! Damage is a thing, a construct; its something we can take or leave.

We learn from damage, we adapt from damage, we OVERCOME damage.

My dear Vercetti, you may feel that damage controls you, but it is the exact opposite. WE CHOOSE TO LET DAMAGE CONTROL US.

You have the power to turn damage off......

We have the power to send a gigantic middle finger to damage!!!!! Fuck damage!!!!

18 years of abuse like that can never really truly go away no matter what you do and no matter how many times you talk to somebody about it or see a therapist it's just not something that goes away

I resonate with you and your post. Had similar trauma. My paternal grandfather had epilepsy from a head injury. I had a craniotomy May 2014 for access left temporal lobe from chronic sinusitis. I had a seizure risk from procedure. I almost died. Today I am seizure free 9+ years and my paternal grandfather's legacy. I hope your father's abuse will not haunt you forever