I overthink and ruminate. I'm working on. Mind fulness. I think about the past constantly. I extrapolate bad things into the future. I wear myself out. Even mood stabilizers do not alleviate it.

I hear you

Not healthy. Working hard to stay in the present tense.

Dread is the word. It used to not be like this. It's taking a toll on my functioning. I just want peace

From my mental vocabulary, such as would’ve, could’ve, and should’ve. Just to keep from screaming and raving and anger every time I got the chance. It takes a lot of conscious effort. Instead of saying to myself, “I should’ve done something” I say “I didn’t do something”. End of mental conversation. I still have to fight against it all these years later

I am very good at building crosses. I still marvel over the fact that my husband can put up with me when that component gets flipped on. I know how bad I can be and I apologize to him whenever I can about it.