when things get tough for me, i need my pod. i think it just quiets things down. alters the trajectory, sorta.
it's a good thing. coping mechanisms are important.

It's a hell of a lot better for you than whiskey and cocaine.

I self medicated with alcohol when I was suffering from symptoms. At my worst, when I was working 6 days a week with Sunday off, I'd have sixers most nights, sometimes twelve packs, and on Saturday I'd really get torn down and go through a case. I'd spend my only day off wallowing in misery and self hatred. It's amazing I'm not an alcoholic.

Send me a PM if you don't want it on the board. I can keep a secret.

Chances are it's not nearly as bad as you are making it out to be right now. I might be able to help talk you through it. I'll stay up for a little while and see if you respond. If you come back and I don't get back to you, I will tomorrow.

In the mean time, keep these numbers handy and don't be afraid to use them:

1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-784-2433
National Hopeline Network

1-800-273-TALK
1-800-273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
•LifeLine Chat•

You deserve to be. A lie is not worth dying over.

I've felt the way you were feeling last night, too- like I had just done something that had damaged someone for eternity. In reality, nothing of the sort had happened. You're a sensitive person and this illness is playing with your head. I'll bet you've never hurt anyone seriously in your life. I think when the people you lied to find out the truth, or if they find out the truth, they will not be hurt nearly as badly as you think right now. And this is fixable if you decide it needs fixing.