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debm55

(36,083 posts)
Thu Sep 7, 2023, 12:22 PM Sep 2023

Useful idiot Part 2

Last edited Thu Sep 7, 2023, 07:24 PM - Edit history (3)

Husband went to pick my sister and mother up and took them to the meeting with the doctor at UPMC. I did not go. the hysterectomy was normal again told that it was not malignant cancer and did not spread. I go to the ER on Saturday with a Blood Oxygen of 86. They gave me an IV and tested me for covid. I have it. Also got an inhaler. Sweaty and tired. Phone rings. It is my sister. She states that she has Stage 3 Malignant cancer and no was is telling her except my cousin,(a nurses aid) the receptionist at the primary doctor and the radiologist, I had it with her and said that she didn't and what does she have to gain by saying this. It turned into a screaming match. My mother got on the phone. I put my husband on the phone as he was in pre-med for 4 years and was there at the meeting. He gets no where with my mother, who insists along with my sister that she has Stage 3 cancer. It is almost what she wants. With the scopes and hysterectomy she is asking for 3 months off.None of the other people have seen the pathology report. And it is clear. I, for my own mental health, have decided to cut ties.I have received no calls from them. My sister keeps calling the hospital for the truth. I don't know what to do. Naturally, mother, had to tell my husband what a rotten man he is by not coming up to visit my Father, who is bed bond, because he had knee surgery and refused to do his physical therapy. He was also an abuser. Took a hunting rifle to my head and told me he would blow my brains out. Punched me in the mouth at 3 and knocked my baby teeth out. One other thing, when I did get in the car with my sister and mother, I smelled a strange smell. I threw up in the car. My husband said it was cat piss. I had never smelled it on a person before. thank you, Debbie Got a call while I was walking Dolly. Husband answered it. Mother calls to say Diane does have Malignant cancer Stage 3A, They are still deciding how to proceed--another operation. Chemo or radiation. I am still crying . Mother says I owe my sister an apology to saying the story was fishy from the beginning. You would think that UPMC, which is known for its cancer treatment would still be waiting on how to proceed. this is a never ending story. Sometimes I wish I would go to sleep and never wake up.

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MLAA

(18,602 posts)
1. Best wishes on a speedy recovery.
Thu Sep 7, 2023, 12:46 PM
Sep 2023

I think you’ve made the right decision about cutting ties with abusive mother and sister. From reading your posts on the subject, it sounds to me like it needs to be 100% cut not just cutting back. Has your husband also suggested you completely remove yourself from any relationship with both your sister and mother?

You can now focus on your and your husband’s health and happiness knowing you have tried everything. Block their numbers and don’t answer numbers you don’t recognize.

debm55

(36,083 posts)
2. My problem is --if I block the number, What if something really bad happens. I could never forgive
Thu Sep 7, 2023, 01:06 PM
Sep 2023

myself. This has put a strain on my marriage to be honest. They have not liked my husband since we might and have treated him like shit. He is mad at how they abuse me and I still want their love. I afraid he is at the point of telling my family to go to hell.

MLAA

(18,602 posts)
4. I think you need to tell them to do that so he doesn't have to.
Thu Sep 7, 2023, 03:57 PM
Sep 2023

Deb55, these two don’t listen to you, don’t respect you or your husband and actively abuse you both. what exactly could you do if ‘something terrible’ happened? Go back to them so the6 can abuse you further?

I am not a healthcare or mental healthcare provider, but the solution seem straightforward from my outside viewpoint. Give yourself permission to stop the abuse and put yourself and husband out of their reach. Only you can stop it, they are not going to change no matter how much you wish they would 💗💗💗💗💗

debm55

(36,083 posts)
6. I got a call while I was walking Dolly. We are their drivers and baby sitter. I don't know what to
Thu Sep 7, 2023, 05:19 PM
Sep 2023

say exactly how I feel as it is not healthy. I don't even know if the call is legit.

MLAA

(18,602 posts)
7. Sending you hugs and love.
Thu Sep 7, 2023, 06:41 PM
Sep 2023

I’m not sure you can believe anything they say at this point. Have they ever apologized to you for anything?
Maybe, in this case, go very slowly take a few days or week and clear your head and in the meantime rely on husband’s judgement. He has all the facts but isn’t as emotionally attached as you are and can perhaps see things more clearly.

💗💗💗

debm55

(36,083 posts)
8. But they have no ride to the hospital in Pittsburgh. My mother said the Access in Pittsbugh will
Thu Sep 7, 2023, 10:18 PM
Sep 2023

will only take Medicare patients and a caregiver. My sister doesn't
meet the guidelines and anyone it is for poor people.On one visited the UPMC taxi took them down. they had to pay 50 dollars, we didn't want the money, just a thanks. but they don't thank family as it the job of family

cyclonefence

(4,873 posts)
3. You don't need this crap
Thu Sep 7, 2023, 02:07 PM
Sep 2023

in your life. You have covid. Take care of yourself and get well. Even if she did have cancer, what on earth are you supposed to do about it?

I saw let her believe what she believes. Tell her you're really sorry she's so sick and when you've recovered from covid you'll see what you can do to help her out, but right now you're too sick--and contagious!--to be much use to anyone.

There really isn't any point in arguing with these looney toons. I would step back as much as I could and let them enjoy your sister's "cancer" as much as they seem to want to, as long as they understood that you and your husband (and he could carry covid to infect them, too) were dealing with your covid. Tell them you're out of action until you (and your husband) have a negative covid test.

Let them have their fun, Debbie--they're clearly loving this.

debm55

(36,083 posts)
5. I just got back from walking Dolly my dog. While I was gone my mother called. Husband answered. She
Thu Sep 7, 2023, 05:15 PM
Sep 2023

told him they received a call from UPMC/Magee after all this time that my sister has Malignant Stage 3A cancer and they are still trying to figure out how to proceed--more surgery, chemo, radiation. I did not speak to her. I don't know why husband answered the phone. I get back and Rich tells me that my mother and sister feels I owe them an apology. You know, I am sitting here crying because I don't know who to believe. This is the drama that will never go away. How could doctors wait almost two weeks for the decision. I am very confused. Thank you, Debbie.

cyclonefence

(4,873 posts)
9. Oh my
Fri Sep 8, 2023, 11:18 AM
Sep 2023

Well, I think you ought to call them and apologize, tell them you were receiving conflicting information plus you're dealing with covid. Tell them you're really sad to know your sister is so sick and you wish you could do something to help her.

That way, whether they're still making things up or not, you don't have to worry about them being mad at you. You don't need that on top of your own illness. I would think that if I had stage three cancer (and I've had cancer four times: two breast, one kidney, one skin) I'd have a lot more to worry about than trying to convince my sister I was sick!

I still think you ought to just go along with whatever they believe, and I still don't understand what you're supposed to do about it, either way. Remind them that covid has knocked you out, and if there's anything you can do to help that you're able to do being sick yourself, they should let you know.

I don't think this is a fight you have to get into. If she does have cancer, the best thing she can do is follow her doctor's orders, not bug you about it. Let them believe what they want, whether it's true or not. Right now, you're sick and the best you can do is offer your sympathy--they sure don't want to be exposed to covid, do they?

mvd

(65,453 posts)
10. So sorry Deb
Sat Sep 9, 2023, 10:12 PM
Sep 2023

Families can help so much but not when they are dysfunctional. At least you have your husband and I have my mom. All my relatives that are left except for my mom are not helpful. I myself am finding myself hopeless right now. Two months in hotels (hotels not of my choosing) paid for our the house buyers and we got below half of what I expected for my our house. What I thought I would get wasn’t much but would have kept us going. I don’t know a way out of being on the street soon. My mom and I just want to have a home. I think people here would understand a GoFundMe for this but I wonder if it is best to start it in this group. The people who have attacked me on DU have also attacked others with problems. Been too busy to be on DU but must post this.

And hope things improve for you Deb.


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